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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be surprised no one I know is using a childminder

149 replies

Aftermidnightstrikes · 29/09/2021 18:03

Or a nanny, actually. They seem commonplace here but in RL everyone opts for nurseries. Has anyone else found this?

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 29/09/2021 18:05

I think it’s a self fulfilling prophecy though. My children were at nurseries, so their friends were at nursery, so the people I knew used a nursery.

If I had used a childminder I would have known lots of people who used childminders. But I didn’t, so I didn’t.

Ontheroadtorecovery · 29/09/2021 18:11

Personally I felt more comfetable with nursery that's why I chose it. Then when I went to the park one day and there were 2 childminders there with the kids. They spent the whole time sitting on a bench drinking coffee slagging off parents 🙄
I loved our nursery they ended up feeling more like family in the end.

Findahouse21 · 29/09/2021 18:13

I think it also depends on where you live - some areas seem to have hundreds of childminders while others none at all. My dcs previous school for instance had none who offered collection from there

Janaih · 29/09/2021 18:15

Most people I know said they didn't want dc getting attached to one person.
There's also the risk that cm may sometimes be ill or take a holiday.

Viviennemary · 29/09/2021 18:20

I found using a childminder was too unreliable. At least nurseries are always open. If you don't have backup childcare its impossible to work round cm's holidays and cm being ill or other reason she can't work at short notice. No good.

SushiGo · 29/09/2021 18:21

Really area dependent. Here there is no under 2 nursery provision after the 2 options both went bust, so it's childminder/nanny or nothing. Unsurprisingly a lot of mothers end up cutting their hours to make it work now.

icelollycraving · 29/09/2021 18:22

I wanted to use a nursery as it felt more regulated. More people in the team, less hanging your hopes on one person not letting you down. I needed nursery hours.
The only childminder I went to look at for ds said something along the lines of she became extremely attached and saw them as her kids. Put me right off.
I guess it’s like many things, finding the right fit for your family.

CanICelebrate · 29/09/2021 18:27

Mine went to nursery when they were little but we now have a childminder/ nanny / cleaner/ absolute star who does lots of different things to help me now they are older.
Our needs are very different now so our childcare has changed.
My experiences of private nursery, school nursery and childminder/nanny have all been positive.

Hopeisnotastrategy · 29/09/2021 18:27

I chose nursery because I wanted my DC to have exposure to a wider range of adults and children, and for me to be less exposed to being let down due to sickness etc. As effectively a single parent I couldn't risk that, especially not "back in the day".

Also, in extremis, there is greater safety in numbers. Should you have the very bad luck to encounter a poor or abusive childminder, who is there to pick up on it? ( Clearly most childminders are not abusive).

I also through sheer luck lived only a couple of miles away from a fantastic family run, very professional nursery. 👏🌈

Kindleswitchface · 29/09/2021 18:28

I only ever used a childminder. Never used a nursery other than school nursery. That the CM picked them up from. Just like nurseries, there are good CM and crap ones. Thankfully, I only ever encountered one rubbish one. My CM was amazing, she only ever took three weeks of holidays that fell in school holidays ( so I was usually off anyway) and outside of that only had one day off sick when a parent died.

Aftermidnightstrikes · 29/09/2021 18:31

I’ve never actually met any of the parents at DCs nursery. So it isn’t that it’s a self fulfilling prophecy.

OP posts:
DeepaBeesKit · 29/09/2021 18:33

Where I live people are remarkably snobby about childminders! They will choose a nursery with mixed reviews locally, staffed with inexperienced 18 year olds, rather than even consider a childminder.

Lots of mums I know were horrified at the thought that pfb might be taken to the supermarket or the school run (of course having forgotten this when they were merrily bring DC2 or 3 along on that very same school run). Because of course a school run or a trip to the supermarket are only ok with mummy Grin.

I used a childminder and my children love her. I sat quietly and smug as friends who used nurseries couldnt understand how they couldnt magically get a space with a childminder for wraparound. One friend actually complained to me that our childminder prioritised her after school places for the children who had been with her as babies & toddlers. You can't make it up!

MaryShelley1818 · 29/09/2021 18:34

I work in a Child Protection team - we all use nursery possibly due to things we've been exposed to so nursery seems like a safer option!
I did visit a couple of childminders recently as was debating sending DD to one when I return to work but was honestly horrified by what I saw despite them having outstanding ofsted reports.

lllllllllll · 29/09/2021 18:35

and for me to be less exposed to being let down due to sickness etc

I don’t follow this logic. Children are exposed to more illnesses at nursery than at a CM, because they’re coming into contact with far more people. If a child is ill then they’re obviously sent home and that’s a day off work for you or DH.

Aftermidnightstrikes · 29/09/2021 18:37

I think the poster means illness for the childminder.

OP posts:
bluewanda · 29/09/2021 18:38

we all use nursery possibly due to things we've been exposed to so nursery seems like a safer option!
I did visit a couple of childminders recently as was debating sending DD to one when I return to work but was honestly horrified by what I saw despite them having outstanding ofsted reports.

@MaryShelley1818 what sort of things did you see?

There was a thread on MN recently about parents’ negative experiences of nursery, which was an eye-opening read to say the least Sad

Peppapigforlife · 29/09/2021 18:38

I've seen too many gets in the park being ignored by childminders to ever trust a childminder. I also don't understand how one single person can give enough care and attention to all those children of different ages at one time. I've seen one woman going off with about seven, including a six month old baby strapped to her.

Peppapigforlife · 29/09/2021 18:39

Kids, not gets!

switswoo81 · 29/09/2021 18:39

I chose a crèche because we have no family locally and if a childminder broke her leg for eg we would be rightly stuck.
The crèche drops and collects to school so no worry there.

Cirin · 29/09/2021 18:39

Nursery for little kids, childminder for older ones. I had an awful one as a child - abusive males, drink, finally removed from there when a gun was found in a bedroom. The 90s were weird - so I was a bit nervous, but she was brilliant. After school, couple of hours. And the kids were old enough to tell me they were happy too (like, over 8.) They looked forward to going.

lllllllllll · 29/09/2021 18:40

I think the poster means illness for the childminder.

@Aftermidnightstrikes yes I got that, but whether your childminder is ill or your child is ill at nursery, the end result is still the same - one parent has to take a day off work.

RedElephants · 29/09/2021 18:40

Personally I felt more comfetable with nursery that's why I chose it. Then when I went to the park one day and there were 2 childminders there with the kids. They spent the whole time sitting on a bench drinking coffee slagging off parents 🙄
I loved our nursery they ended up feeling more like family in the end.

Ontheroadtorecovery You were sat right next to them right?
Yeah ok, so all, Childminders do, is sit, watch TV and drink the all day, yeah..
O K
Whatever 🙄

bluewanda · 29/09/2021 18:41

I also don't understand how one single person can give enough care and attention to all those children of different ages at one time.

@Peppapigforlife How many children are assigned to one worker at a nursery though?

Niffler92 · 29/09/2021 18:43

@MaryShelley1818

I work in a Child Protection team - we all use nursery possibly due to things we've been exposed to so nursery seems like a safer option! I did visit a couple of childminders recently as was debating sending DD to one when I return to work but was honestly horrified by what I saw despite them having outstanding ofsted reports.
I’m a childminder interested to know what it was that horrified you?
Itsanewdah · 29/09/2021 18:44

i think it depends on the area. Nurseries around here are little more than holding pens for children - constantly changing staff, tiny outdoor areas, extermely noisy, opening hours not great.
So most people use childminders , most of whom have long waiting lists. Similar for the few decent nurseries (waiting lists of 2+ years).
If you are in an area with great nurseries and not so great childminders its the opposite.

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