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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To send baby to nursery who can't nap independently?

37 replies

NoNap · 29/09/2021 13:07

And will they curse me for it?!

My son is 8 months and is starting nursery in a few weeks.

He only ever naps during the day either on me, in a pram or in the car. I don't need to rock him often anymore but he won't just be put down in his cot to nap. The only time he did that by himself was when he was absolutely exhausted after his first swimming lesson when he was couldn't keep his eyes open, would have slept on a log style tired.

He is very good at night (touch wood) so I've never felt the need to sleep train, it's just day time naps he struggles with.

Is this normal in a nursery? What will they do? I have tried to pop him down in the day but he screams and screams whenever I leave the room, once to the point of vomitting and I just can't leave him like that.

OP posts:

DeepaBeesKit · 29/09/2021 13:10

They will get him napping.initially they may pop him in a pram or pat him to help him go off, then they'll reduce that and you will find he will accept being put down there even though he protests when you try it.

akwuahaj · 29/09/2021 13:11

In my experience nursery workers are miracle workers. They achieved things with my kids that I've never been able to do at home 😂 I really wouldn't worry.

OchreBlue · 29/09/2021 13:12

Talk to the nursery but I wouldn't worry it was normal in my experience. Mine breastfed to sleep on me or napped in the sling or pram while moving, no other way. They started nursery at 9 months and the nursery staff said not to worry and showed me a room of sleeping babies like magic. Mine never did nap at nursery, the nap magic didn't work on them, but it wasn't an issue they just played in a different room and went off for the night earlier on those days. The staff are experienced in helping babies go off for a nap or looking after them if they don't nap so talk to them.

Thehop · 29/09/2021 13:13

I’ve just left my job as baby room manager in a private nursery. The babies in my care would be danced with, pushed, rocked, patted, cuddled and sang to sleep if that’s what they wanted.

In fact, one baby had a whole year of only napping if laid on my chest whilst I sang hotel California to him. Gave me chance to update diaries I suppose 😂

TheCheeseBadge · 29/09/2021 13:13

I sent 10mo DS to nursery and told them the same thing. They told me he would go down in a cot like the other babies and would be absolutely fine. Of course I didn't believe them. They patted his back/ bum while he went off to sleep for about two days, after that he didn't need any interaction from them at all to drop off.

I was gobsmacked!

Original poster

NoNap · 29/09/2021 13:14

Okay thanks!! Phew. I just had visions of him getting expelled from nursery or something 🤣

OP posts:

CanofCant · 29/09/2021 13:14

@akwuahaj

In my experience nursery workers are miracle workers. They achieved things with my kids that I've never been able to do at home 😂 I really wouldn't worry.

Came on to say the same!

Biscuitsneeded · 29/09/2021 13:14

Just do it. You or the nursery may have a hideous couple of days while he resists and then he'll get so tired he'll nap.

Original poster

NoNap · 29/09/2021 13:16

@Biscuitsneeded

Just do it. You or the nursery may have a hideous couple of days while he resists and then he'll get so tired he'll nap.

I know this sounds terrible (and isn't just me being a lazy parent honest!) But if someone were going to have to do it I'd rather it be them as I just can't bare to listen to him so upset

I don't have the willpower and end up relenting!

OP posts:

Spindrifting · 29/09/2021 13:17

@akwuahaj

In my experience nursery workers are miracle workers. They achieved things with my kids that I've never been able to do at home 😂 I really wouldn't worry.

I was about to say this. DS (an antsy, fretful, high-needs baby) who never napped anywhere other than on me, from the very first day he went to his childminder unproblematically napped in his pram in a darkened room with a toddler on a mattress. It was a miracle!

Akire · 29/09/2021 13:17

Never had a child in nursery who just went to sleep. Always rocking patting or holding it’s quite big part of our day. Of kids don’t sleep they get really grumpy and start crying which sets everyone else of. In everyone bests interest babies to have regular naps anyone possible.

Original poster

NoNap · 29/09/2021 13:17

@Thehop

I’ve just left my job as baby room manager in a private nursery. The babies in my care would be danced with, pushed, rocked, patted, cuddled and sang to sleep if that’s what they wanted.

In fact, one baby had a whole year of only napping if laid on my chest whilst I sang hotel California to him. Gave me chance to update diaries I suppose 😂

Thank you that's really reassuring. I wasn't sure how it worked and if I'd be scolded for having the only baby who refused to nap lol.

OP posts:

cptartapp · 29/09/2021 13:18

DS1 never napped at home unless in a car or the pram. He napped at nursery every day.

DuneFan · 29/09/2021 13:19

My ds would only sleep in the pushchair, they kept a pushchair in the room just for him and rocked him to sleep in it. One of the others in the baby room at the same time would only contact nap so one of the girls would just hold him while he slept!

As long as you warn them they'll be fine with it!

PollyRae16 · 29/09/2021 13:19

I second the miracle workers comment! My lo was terrible for naps would only be rocked to sleep and god forbid you made any noise whilst he was sleeping and he'd be up. Now he just lies down and goes to sleep and can sleep through pretty much any noise!

Itsbeen84yearss · 29/09/2021 13:20

My dd had a pushchair exclusively for nursery to nap in

LegoLovingGirl · 29/09/2021 13:21

My dd started Nursery at 10mo. Refuses to nap anywhere but the sofa at home - she'd sleep fine in her cot at night, but refuses it in the day and wouldn't sleep in her pushchair/pram.

Nursery ended up putting her down on one of their little sofas with a blanket, and that's where she napped until she started in pre-school room. They even moved the sofa from Babies to Toddlers with her in case it was the specific sofa she liked!

It wasn't a problem at all and the Nursery staff still ask me if she likes to nap on the sofa whenever they see me and she's 7 now!

AwFeebs · 29/09/2021 13:21

Where I work some little ones go off on their own, we tend to sit with the ones that don't and pat or rub their backs.

You'd be surprised what they can do. 😂

After a while they'll be used to the routine and with being on the go all the time find it easier to go off.

Original poster

NoNap · 29/09/2021 13:22

I think it's worried me a bit when I went looking round. There were only two babies in the baby room at the time and they were both asleep in cots in a dark with a nursery worker just sat in between them on the floor and I was thinking oh my god is that what they are expecting DS to do 😳😳

OP posts:

Christmas21 · 29/09/2021 13:28

DD was fed to sleep when she went to the childminder but did go down when asleep, so I worried about this too. But it was fine.
At the childminders, she either goes int he pushchair or snuggles up on a beanbag and falls to sleep on her own. She still wont do this at home!!

MsChatterbox · 29/09/2021 13:30

No deffo not expecting that don't worry!! I've got many many different babies to sleep and you end up learning what works for each one! We will stand and bounce if necessary! Usually by toddler room we get them to the point of just needing a hand on their tummy or back to rock them a bit!

worrybutterfly · 29/09/2021 13:31

The nursery should be able to accommodate this, ours did.

But as others have said, they are miracle workers and he'll probably be in a fab 'nursery sleep' routine within a few weeks. Just don't expect that routine to carry over to home days.

Secnarf · 29/09/2021 13:32

YANBU

My daughter was the same - she didn't nap independently (and even now aged 6, won't go to sleep without stories and lullabies). In addition, she had only just weaned onto food, having been exclusively breast fed. She refused to take a bottle, before weaning and after, and was barely taking milk or water from a doidy cup when I had to send her.

She was fine. They got her to settle. They kept her filled up with yoghurts, and I gave her a big feed when I picked her up at the end of the day.

They are miracle workers.

The other thing I add, in case it is of any reassurance to you/anyone else. She screamed every single day at drop-off from her first session aged 9 months to her last session before starting school. However, as soon as I was out of sight, she was settled and happy. (and she tripped into school quite happily from the first day aged just turned 4 ).

Looking back on it, she was perhaps a bit of a cheeky little madam, who liked to cause her mother stress.

Knitwit101 · 29/09/2021 13:33

Not so much babies but I had to pick ds up unexpectedly one day during nap time when he was maybe 18 months old. It was dark, there was some quiet music playing, and all these toddlers asleep on mats on the floor. I was honestly amazed. Some of them had blankets, some of them had toys from home some had dummies. Ds was lying in the middle of them all starfished out on his mat sound asleep. I couldn't ever get 2 of mine to nap at the same time and they had about 12!

Twizbe · 29/09/2021 13:34

This helped my two - though they were 4 / 5 months when we did it.

At nap times I'd take them to their room, close the curtains and say it was nap time.

Then put them in their cot and sit next to them holding their hand / hand on their tummy. I'd sit like that until they fell asleep. The first day, it took almost the whole nap time, but they did.

Over the next couple of weeks I'd gradually move my hand away so I wasn't touching them, then no hand in the cot at all, then sitting further and further away from them.

Each day they went to sleep quicker and quicker. Eventually I could just put them down and leave and they'd sleep.

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