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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that ds's college tutor is possibly homophobic?

40 replies

smeeinachristmastreeinnit · 06/12/2007 17:58

ds2 does one day a week at college studying hairdressing and one day a week at a salon hairdresing is what he wants to do when he leaves school.
anyhoooo his tutor (female) on the college course has always appeared to have a problem with him,its either attitude,behaviour,not listening,written work could be better (hes severely dyslexic ffs!) etc...
now 2 weeks ago there was "an incident" with him and 2 of the girls on the course where ds was alledgedly "screaming in a high pitched tone and wavihg his arms around" (what gay lad doesnt do that?!!!) as he thought his dolls head was burning! and the girls were messing around and poured a whole tub of conditioner on a dolls head.
the tutor then criticised his written work,which learning support say is was normal standard for him, and is refusing to take him back on the course,BUT only him,the girls are continuing with the course.
now i dont want to be a mum who "plays the homophobic card" but wtf?
kicking someone of a course because he was "screaming in a high pitched tone and wavihg his arms around"
hes never had a problem at school with behaviour and the salon owner where he works thinks the sun shines out of his rear end!
so AIBU to think homophobia could be behind this?

OP posts:
Original poster
smeeinachristmastreeinnit · 06/12/2007 18:07

blimey thats an essay! sorry long post!

OP posts:
pinetreedog · 06/12/2007 18:11

scraming in a high pitched tone and waving arms around does sound like an extremely annoying thing to do when being taught.

You need to speak to her about it and get more details.

SueBaRoomForAMincePie · 06/12/2007 18:13

yes, I'm not entirely clear why it would be homophobic. Am I missing something?

pinetreedog · 06/12/2007 18:14

the head on fire sounds interesting

TellusMater · 06/12/2007 18:17

Is being gay mitigation for squealing in class?

Also want to know more about the head...

YuleLoveHekateAtSolstice · 06/12/2007 18:20

Screaming (I am assuming very high pitched screaching?) and whirling around doing windmill impressions with his arms?

TBH, it doesn't sound appropriate for a learning environment. Time and place, time and place!

Playing the homophobia card under such circumstances, imo - a cheap shot. It actually sounds very distracting, all that screaming and waving. And maybe the girls didn't get asked to leave the course because although they were mucking about..they weren't screaming and throwing their arms about and disturbing the whole lesson?

Perhaps if he contacted her and apologised for being disruptive and asked to be allowed back and promised that he would behave appropriatly in the classroom??

allIWannaBeForChristmas · 06/12/2007 18:26

sorry I think yabu.

if he was acting like an idiot (and it sounds as if he was) then tutor was right to discipline, regardless of sexuality.

allIWannaBeForChristmas · 06/12/2007 18:26

and before I get jumped on I'm not suggesting he's an idiot just that the behavior sounds idiotic.

SenoraPostrophe · 06/12/2007 18:42

it sounds more like a teacher who hasn't had much experience of dyslexia actually.

TellusMater · 06/12/2007 18:47

I think SP may have a point.

NotCod · 06/12/2007 18:50

eh osudns liek he was just being blardy annoyong tbh

ProjectIcarus · 06/12/2007 18:50

Do you think that that your DS2 is maybe getting a wee bit carried away at college?

Just wondering if he is feeling really comfortable being gay in that environment combined with girls loving having a gay guy on the course that he is ramping up the screaming queen bit?

minorityrules · 06/12/2007 19:05

Not all gay men/boys are camp (screaming and waving arms isn't a necessity in being gay)

Sounds like he is camping it up a bit

My brother is gay and in showbiz, whilst there is a small element of campness, usually in playing up situtions, they aren't screaming banshees, which is a bit of a stereotype

Speak to the college but also, maybe your son needs to contact some gay helplines or find some gay support groups/pastimes that can help him be gay without the show of ott campness.

It's fine to be gay but unfortunately, ott campness could get him in trouble. Gay is sexual preference, not a personality trait. All the gay men I know, play down their campness (if they have any) as that could lead to violence from homophobes. He needs to learn this.

Good that he is out so young and can be proud of who he is though, so well done him for coming out

camillathechicken · 06/12/2007 19:09

regardless of his sexual orientation, his behaviour sounds silly and immature. and not the sort of thing a professional hairdresser should be aiming for.

the issue with his written work is seperate, sounds like teacher is using this incident as a way to get it all off his chest

YANBU for wanting to defend your son however

bubblagirl · 06/12/2007 19:11

maybe its a combination of both teacher who has no real idea about dyslexia

your ds being maybe slightly more extravert as all girls love gay men and he may feel more excepted

but also a personality clash with ds and teacher

i ahad this when i was at college 1 teacher pulled me up on everything the other thought a was fantastic

me and said teacher got together cleared the air and all was well

maybe they need to sit together and she can tell him what she ahas found unacceptable with his behaviour and he can explain how he feels

i wouldnt automatically think she was homophobic as normally 2 parties are in the wrong and there personalities clash with one another

twinsetandpearls · 06/12/2007 19:19

I teach a few boys who sound exactly like your son and while in a one no one situation they are lovely in a classroom situation they are a nightmare. This is not a statement about sexuality but you about students win continually prevent others from learning.

Original poster
smeeinachristmastreeinnit · 06/12/2007 20:19

thank you all for your replies, some intresting points there, ive just read thro my op and realised i hadnt mentioned that the same tutor kicked off another gay student (female) last year for inproper use of the hairdryers
hekate he has written a letter of apoligy (neither of the girls did) stating he knew he was in the wrong etc..

minorityrules no i wont be suggesting to ds that he plays down the campness because thats who he is and always has been,why would i possibly want to tell him to stop being the person he is because someone may have a problem with it?
he has alot of "gay support" from my nephew who is gay and ds2 does have gay friends.

pineteedog he was drying teh dolls head and says he smelt burning......it actually turned out to be one of his 15yr old class mates having a ciggerete outside with the tutors blessing

OP posts:
fizzbuzz · 06/12/2007 20:44

Can they be kicked off without warning?

You can't expel a kid from school that easily. Kids often do/have inappropriate behaviour, it's part of growing up. However as his behaviour wasn't dangerous, intimidating or threatening I don't see why he should be thrown off.

How old is he? You say he is doing one day a week in a salon and one in college. Is he at school the rest of the time, doing vocational stuff at college. If he is under the school leaving age, I'm not sure they can kick him off that easily.

If his written work is up to his ability level, and has not caused problems before then this isn't a reason. If they had informed you previously via warnings/flagged up concerns that there may be a problem, and he was struggling to reach required standard, then there could be an issue, but I would be VERY suprised if they can suddenly MAKE that a reason

Original poster
smeeinachristmastreeinnit · 06/12/2007 20:49

fizz,he is 15 and as he done most of his GCSE's last year he has 2 "free" days at school,hence doing college and salon.
no the college or school have never raised any issues with me untill this one. ds would just moan that the tutor always moans at him about this that or the other....

i also didnt mention that this is a very small group of 4 15yr olds on the course all from ds's school.

OP posts:
fizzbuzz · 06/12/2007 20:49

I teach loads of boys who have attitude/ behaviour problems, I can't just refuse to teach them, because of this.

This also includes 6th formers, and if they are not making the grade, we give them and thier parents plenty of warning before the chop, and even then it very rarely happens

Original poster
smeeinachristmastreeinnit · 06/12/2007 20:52

thats why i find this whole thing very odd fizz, ive had no warning of it from college or school and wouldnt have known that the tutor "moaned" at ds unless he told me.
thats why i feel that theres another reason behind it, particually as she kicked off a gay female last year for pathetic reasons....

OP posts:
fizzbuzz · 06/12/2007 20:56

Not sure I would hold onto my job, if I let a 15 year old outide for a fag............!

Is this person a qualified teacher? (hmm) I would much rather teach someone like your son than some of the teenagers with real attitude.

Original poster
smeeinachristmastreeinnit · 06/12/2007 20:58

as far as i know shes qualified?!

its all worked out for the best really as the school have asked ds if he would like to go to the salon 2 days a week instead of college. hes over the moon! hands on experience!

OP posts:
BellaBear · 06/12/2007 21:03

fizzbuzz is right, it is very difficult to get someone kicked off a course. I've know students who have been threatening, intimidating and so on who are still there! In particular if under 16. Is she a teacher or an off-site provider? They may have different rules if off-site,.

fizzbuzz · 06/12/2007 21:03

Don't know much about FE, but I think you need to contact the Head of course/college. You cannot chuck a kid out of school without a lot of warnings and meetings (and I mean a lot}.

It sounds like a knee jerk reaction. Contact senior person, ask them what their policy is for requesting students to leave a course, and the warning proceedure required if this is to happen, bering in mind that he is under school leaving age.

As I said I don't know much about FE, but sounds like they may not have a leg to stand on.

Sounds like a very odd and inexperienced teacher to me...letting someone have a fag