Why aren't trolls allowed?

[Moneysavvymam]

I bloody hate reading a thread and then half way through, when its just getting juicy, it turns out its been deleted for being a troll. Honestly the trolls are better than real life and I'm here for the drama anyway. Aibu? Lighthearted!

New posters with no history, inconsistent facts in posts, constant updates at odd times (for example, if you're packing your car and fleeing your abusive husband at that very moment then you don't have time to update and post photos to MN every 5 minutes), continual rebuttal of helpful suggestions and why that couldn't possibly work (hint hint - the only thing that could help is someone sending them cash), persistent refusal to ask anyone in real life for help or take any steps to actually deal with whatever the problem is, ramping up of drama to the point of ludicrousness in subsequent updates (people will still lap it up and turn on anyone who points out that maybe it's getting a bit silly).

All of this, and also real-time updates of discovered infidelity, the threads that go from "I found some messages on my DH's phone that suggest he might be having an affair, what do I do?" through "I've/he's left" and into "new woman, new me, hear me roar" in the space of a few days or so/couple of weeks at most, usually complete with:

1. the OP being sooooo strong and brave for the children (and never putting a foot wrong, never snapping at them or bursting into tears in front of them, always being the perfect parent and then 'collapsing in tears' when they've gone to bed)
2. a supportive 'lovely friend' who often gets a thread-friendly nickname (as will the DH and OW)
3. constant updates, nicely-judged escalations of the now-ex-DH's behaviour when the interest starts to wane, and at least one, often several, continuation threads
4. a crowd of aunties telling the OP how wonderful she is, what an inspiration she is, yadda yadda.

You can set your FitBit by them.

Threads where a family member of the OP pops up and starts posting on behalf of the OP always ping my radar.

That goes back a while, on another forum, where a woman had left her husband due to DV, with her DC, with NOTHING. People rallied round to get her household essentials, furniture, white goods, rental deposit etc - and if ever anyone poked their head round the door to suggest OP might be scamming everyone, DSis would rock up to confirm the donations had arrived and the OP was delighted.

re twins DM was found out in part because she virtually copied and pasted sections of my experience with my son from the bereavement board.

It was 12 years ago now and I’m sure they’ve been back dozens of time. It’s very sad really. Imagine having so little in your life that’s how you get your kicks 🤷‍♀️

@PegasusReturns

re twins DM was found out in part because she virtually copied and pasted sections of my experience with my son from the bereavement board.

It was 12 years ago now and I’m sure they’ve been back dozens of time. It’s very sad really. Imagine having so little in your life that’s how you get your kicks 🤷‍♀️

So sorry. Finding this out must have added to your grief.💐

I got called a troll by a few posters once because I disagreed with them ergo I must be a troll because no one real could possibly disagree with them

Just as I don't want to waste my time IRL having to sift through what is fact from what is fiction/drama/downright lies, I lose patience on here when someone creates a post that people invest time and effort inputting to, only to find out from the Deletion Message that it's actually a fantasist or a complete wind-up merchant.

You may like the drama OP, but it puts me off, and I invariably click past the majority of the threads I read through and cannot be bothered to work out if it's true, or not. If it comes across as unauthentic, I ignore, just as I would IRL, and the reason MNHQ don't entertain trolls is they don't want their site littered with idiots and timewasters.

I agree with you OP. People often use examples of types of troll threads that should be deleted for obvious reasons like offensive ones, ones that steal someone else's post or ones begging for money, but that's not what I see most of the time. Most of the threads they're not doing any of those things, it's just decided they're a troll and then it vanishes. I always think well it wasn't hurting anything staying up, so surely the only potential harm is deleting it if it turns out they AREN'T a troll and can't get the advice they need? Just let it stay up already!

Thanks @SecretWitch

It was a weird time because I was very invested in the threads and it was very soon after I lost my DS. In some ways the righteous anger gave me something to focus on, but yes it was upsetting.

Feels like almost another lifetime ago now though.

@EmmalineC

Some trolls are entertaining but the grief vampires and bereavement trolls make it difficult for posters needing genuine support in heartbreaking situations.

What is a bereavement troll?

Some trolls are apparently allowed.

The Rainy Puddles/Alphabet Street crap was clearly a troll, but MNHQ fell over themselves to keep the threads up.

So I suppose trolls are allowed if MNHQ like you (or you work for them).

What is a bereavement troll?

I think the name speaks for itself. Someone pretending to have lost a loved one, sometimes a baby, to gain attention and sympathy.

You can set your FitBit by them.

Love this! 😂

(Excellent post too)

mnhq deleted my post saying it was troll hunting, when all I had done was point out op said this, then said that, now says the other, so not sure what the true scenario is
That's exactly troll hunting. So deletion was merited

Just report, citing the issue you feel makes it troll thread.

If it's a troll thread, the absolute best thing to do is not post & report. Trolls want the attention, and to be trending. Don't give them the attention.

@knittingaddict

What is a bereavement troll?

I think the name speaks for itself. Someone pretending to have lost a loved one, sometimes a baby, to gain attention and sympathy.

Wow what a sad thing to do. I’ve read some really sad posts on here. I never even suspected they might be made up. Shows how naive I am.

Was that the thread about the husband who turned into a sulking sex pest at 8:30pm?
I thought it was legit

No. That's still there but OP hasn't come back. I felt very sorry for her

One of the things that baffles me about some trolls is that they’re often very eloquent, tell a great story, add detail, draw everyone in with their exciting drama - then they disappear. If you’re so good at telling a story, and you clearly enjoy it, when not complete the drama?!

I was called a troll once for staring a thread asking about grieving. I was hoping for some interesting discussion about human behaviour and how it differs depending on your geographical identity. Someone posted ‘interesting first thread’ as if there’s a select list of possible first topics that you should choose from? Of course it’s interesting, that’s part of why people post on MN because they’ve got a ready pool of diverse people with diverse experiences to discuss with.
Some people are just thick.

The bereavement trolls post for attention, like the illness fakers or MBI posters.

The dreadful thing about posting about a fictitious bereavement is that people are drawn to offer sympathy and comfort, and so are those who have been through similar heartbreak, sharing stories of personal grief.

I couldn't care less about the illness fakers though. I'm a healthcare worker and I can spot a faker within a few sentences and I just don't engage. I do think these people do have some kind of genuine illness, it's just not the one they are claiming to have.

I was hoping for some interesting discussion about human behaviour and how it differs depending on your geographical identity.

What on Earth is geographical identity? Do you mean people's location? Their nationality? 🤷🏻‍♀️

It sounds pretty troll-y from what you've posted here.

Troll doesn't always mean invented. It can refer to threads not started 'in the spirit' or for goadiness.

@Lockheart and @VeryLongBeeeeep are spot on. I would add that trolls often thank their followers effusively, with many flowery posts expressing their undying gratitude, how they couldn't get through the day without their MN army of supporters, etc. It's a smart trolling strategy, since it makes many gullible Mumsnetters feel good about themselves and therefore more likely to continue posting on the thread, ask for updates, check in with the OP, allowing the thread to flourish and (with any luck for the troll) become a multi-thread saga.

@Flunked

Sometimes people troll about sensitive subjects (child death, domestic violence, rape etc.) and that is so bloody harmful. It is sickening and leads to people not believing genuine posts.

There are also the pervert trolls that want women to share stories of certain things so they can use it as wank fodder. Repulsive.

Woah woah what? I was talking about the obvious cheeky Fucker neighbour stripped my paint off my fence to paint his own fence. I haven't seen any real ones. or wank ones eww. fair enough with those. But still, how do you know? Imagine being a parent who has lost their 3rd child but they type 4th for anonymity, then accidentally type 3rd later on and are branded a liar. Surely its kinder to believe all than risk not believing any.

@EarringsandLipstick

I was hoping for some interesting discussion about human behaviour and how it differs depending on your geographical identity.

What on Earth is geographical identity? Do you mean people's location? Their nationality? 🤷🏻‍♀️

It sounds pretty troll-y from what you've posted here.

Troll doesn't always mean invented. It can refer to threads not started 'in the spirit' or for goadiness.

Well, exactly might point, just because you’re not familiar with the term geographical identity, it must be a troll or goady??? I didn’t actually use that description in the post but please explain what is ‘goady’ about it?

I didn’t actually use that description in the post

Well, I can only go on what you tell us you said 🤔

please explain what is ‘goady’ about it?

As you describe it here, it sounds as if you are suggesting that ways of grieving can be potentially linked to race or national identity. There's a valid discussion to be had about cultural norms about grieving but based on your description there's a strong possibility that there was stereotyping based on nationality or race, which can be both offensive & racist.

Then again you say you didn't post what you said you posted so who knows.

What's 'geographical identity' anyway?

@Bagamoyo1

One of the things that baffles me about some trolls is that they’re often very eloquent, tell a great story, add detail, draw everyone in with their exciting drama - then they disappear. If you’re so good at telling a story, and you clearly enjoy it, when not complete the drama?!

That'll be the "trying out my self-published Kindle 99p thriller" troll.

@aSofaNearYou

I agree with you OP. People often use examples of types of troll threads that should be deleted for obvious reasons like offensive ones, ones that steal someone else's post or ones begging for money, but that's not what I see most of the time. Most of the threads they're not doing any of those things, it's just decided they're a troll and then it vanishes. I always think well it wasn't hurting anything staying up, so surely the only potential harm is deleting it if it turns out they AREN'T a troll and can't get the advice they need? Just let it stay up already!

MNHQ won't outright take down a thread permanently without contacting the OP, getting their side of the story and doing all the "looking behind the scenes" jiggery pokery they do. They don't always get it right 100% of the time but I bet a lot of the time they do. They also signpost the person to RW resources, so they don't just kick them to the curb as you seem to be suggesting.