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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be at my wits end with homework!

48 replies

Ohjustboreoff · 27/09/2021 13:02

Help! I'm at my absolute wits end with the amount of homework my Dd 7 and Ds 6 have to do at home.
Dd 7 soon to be 8 can do hers with just support but it's Times tables, other maths, spellings and then reading. EVERY DAY! It's a lot and she moans about it but ultimately does it. But my Ds who is the youngest in his class, well it's like pulling teeth. He just point blank refuses and it's the same amount of work to Dd.
At first I'm patient, then I cajole, then I threaten to tell his teacher and it's all downhill from there.
I'm finding it all too much let alone my DC's.
Me and DH work full time shift work and we also take the DC's to two activities but I always thought that a parents job was to rear well rounded children not to teach them what school should be doing. If lockdown taught me anything it was that I am not a teacher!
Am I wrong that this is too much for such young DC's and I shouldn't be expected to come home and fight with my kids to do homework.
Just so angry and need to rant.
School keeps pulling me aside and insisting I do more, try to do more. I'm done I'm exhausted.
AIBU?

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/09/2021 13:04

Yes I think kids get far too much!

Our school are a bit better than most at keeping it manageable but it’s still a lot at ur 3 where my youngest is.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/09/2021 13:05

(Just said my youngest so that no one jumps in and says “you wait til they get to secondary” etc - I know - I’ve got one there!)

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 27/09/2021 13:09

DS 10 finds it quite manageable. He doesn't like it and needs prompting to do it, but he can do it.

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 27/09/2021 13:12

Just tell the school you’re not doing it anymore, and focus only on listening to him read daily (breakfast time is best).

SiliconHeaven · 27/09/2021 13:13

I firmly believe that a bit of reading is enough in key stage one and most of KS2 as well. Tell the school it’s too much.

LittleMissGlum · 27/09/2021 13:14

Wow for children that young, that's a lot of homework. Are they spending all day at school studying away and expected to do more at home?

Have you asked why they have so much? Why is the work not spread across the week?

The reality of this situation is, if the children are frustrated and really don't want to be doing the work, it's not actually helping in any way, and in fact hindering their love of learning.

TheSmallAssassin · 27/09/2021 13:19

Maybe try just incorporating it into your everyday life? Spellings and times tables can be practised little and often any time, walking to and from school or the park, over breakfast or tea. Can you do the reading as part of the bedtime story time, take turns to read?

bnotts · 27/09/2021 13:22

My 10 year old gets one piece of maths or english a week plus spellings. She does read every night. They were expected to practice tables from Yr3 I think.
7 year old only has reading.
However homeschooling the last two years made me wish they had had some homework, so I could at least see where they were at , what they were struggling with the methods used. But every night is ridiculous.

Bobsyer · 27/09/2021 13:28

Do tell the teacher. Tell them you don’t have time to do it all, but you’ll try your best and ensure reading gets done.

There is no point fighting to do homework which literally ends in tears.

Maybe try just incorporating it into your everyday life?

What about OP’s post suggests this isn’t what she’s already doing?! Confused

trumpisagit · 27/09/2021 13:30

Keep up the reading, and give them a choice about everything else.
Remind and support, but don't force it.
I would keep the reading as a non-negotiable though.
As they get to the last few years of primary school most will choose to do the homework.

JessJossJohn · 27/09/2021 13:46

Please help them learn their times tables. I believe it is something they should know by the end of year 4. It has a massive impact on maths if they do not know their times tables.

It doesn't have to be worked out, they just know that 4x5 is 20. Like they know the words to songs, they just know what comes next. If a child is doing maths and they take time to work out on their fingers what pretty much every times table answer is they are much slower and therefore not getting the practise of whichever skill or concept they are being taught.

Realistically work out how much "free time" your children have every day. Say school finishes at 3.20, what time do they get home and how many hours do they have in which to do work. For year 3 or 4 homework should be do-able in 20 minutes but ask the teacher.

Ultimately if the school are asking you to help your children complete their homework and it is too much then maybe this isn't the school for your children. I would talk to school again and ask them how long each piece of homework should take. In the school I volunteer in reading is 5 minutes a day at home.

eddiemairswife · 27/09/2021 13:47

Wasn't it the Blair government that decided homework was a 'nice' idea for KS1 and KS2? The original idea was that parents would be interested in getting involved and would get to know what their children were learning in school. I'm thankful my children were already in secondary school and could get on with it without my input. But don't mention grandchildren and their projects!

Original poster
Ohjustboreoff · 27/09/2021 15:34

Yes my Y3 Dd is now learning her times tables and we are on board with that but it's the constant stream of learning apps and reading diaries that need doing for 10 mins or filling in by parents and children. I can't remember having any homework in primary school (but then that was the 80's!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohjustboreoff · 27/09/2021 15:36

What annoys me and is getting pulled up by the teacher for not filling in reading records or doing 10mins of the Maths app per day.
I barely have time to get home, feed them and then on the two days the do clubs to get them there. Homework, apart from reading, goes out the door then.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohjustboreoff · 27/09/2021 15:41

@JessJossJohn I live in a small village with only one primary school so saying it might not be the school for my DC's isn't helpful.
My job as a parent is the help raise well rounded people not only do homework to the detriment of learning to swim or the life skills that going to Rainbows/Beavers give you.
My DS has just got back from school and is now in the garden making a bug hotel. And that is what he should be doing after spending all day in school. Not sitting down to complete his 4 pieces of homework.

OP posts:
parrotonmyshoulder · 27/09/2021 16:19

I’m a teacher. My own children do the bare minimum of homework in primary - reading (I don’t always write in the diary, rarely in fact), times tables (hit the button on iPad). Longer project if they want - optional.
Secondary is a different matter - it doesn’t seem to correlate that the more they get ‘used to it’ at primary, the better they find it later.

parrotonmyshoulder · 27/09/2021 16:21

Who in school is it who ‘pulls you aside and insists you do more’?

Manteo · 27/09/2021 16:24

My DD is in yr3 we get spellings and times tables once a week, not everyday, how are you meant to do that?! No other homework other than reading.

So far spellings have been easy so haven't bothered practising. They do times tables via TT Rockstars so I downloaded the app on my phone and hand it over to her at least once a day for a few minutes. Reading we do anyway. They get house points for each bit of reading that is logged so I make sure I do!

Yogsgirl · 27/09/2021 16:45

Why do people think that is a lot of homework? It's not a lot over a week!

Surely reading everyday with children is expected.
One set of 10 spellings to learn
Practice timetables by playing games on iPad
A sheet of maths

Manteo · 27/09/2021 16:52

But she said every day? Per week is what I get and it's fine.

HSHorror · 27/09/2021 16:56

My dd y5 reads independently ablut 40-60 min a day.
Then maybe 30min a week mathletics.
10 min spellings. ( results 9 or 10)
Havent been doing trr this year yet.
We also do some cgp maths books
Brownies only
Dc2 y1 reading up to 30min a day now, but dc isnt very good so thats one short book. They have numbots but havent done any this term. Did do a bit of maths workbook yesterday.
1 sport and Scouts weekly
and other monthly activity

I would suggest looking at your dc2 to see their reading level and focussing on reading.
Can you not do 2x reading each weekend day. And do extra of the maths then so it adds up right over the week.

I do agree though and actually ive been doing 'an experiment' by seeing what happens if school are left to it teaching dc2 to read. And it wasnt pretty. Without me putting in the effort at home dc2 was still stuck on the lowest book bands now starting y1. In fact i would say hadnt progressed since end of lockdown in march.
Ive now started doing more and dc is improving really quickly.

ItsMyIssue · 27/09/2021 17:03

My DC has just gone from a non-homework primary (except reading) to secondary school. It has been a huge culture shock for them.

LittleOwl153 · 27/09/2021 17:05

Concentrate on the reading - mine reads over breakfast. Your yr3 probably won't be far off independant reading anyway.

We do timetables by songs in the car and attrition etc as they come up 'in life' such as sharing out tomatoes etc.

Next time the teacher pulls you up ask exactly how long each of these pieces is expected to take. Then maybe on the days they don't have clubs sit them down with a timer and leave them to it. If they can't do it independently then it is too much for them and school need to be aware. You are right in that you are a parent and not a teacher.

Animallover87 · 27/09/2021 17:13

I am a teacher and feel under pressure to give homework as parents complain when not enough is given. Nobody can win!

aNewYorkerInLondon · 27/09/2021 17:15

I went to an academically rigorous school and we had homework every day from age 5 all the way through. My father instituted a quick snack (like apples and peanut butter) and a mandatory 90 minutes of outdoor play (unless the weather was truly inappropriate) as soon as we got home, then homework until dinner time. Any unfinished homework was completed after family dinner with help as needed from mom and dad. We never really watched tv or anything like that in primary school except on weekends. It was a good schedule and the outside time before homework really helped get some energy out so we could focus.

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