AIBU to be at my wits end with homework!

[Ohjustboreoff]

Help! I'm at my absolute wits end with the amount of homework my Dd 7 and Ds 6 have to do at home.
Dd 7 soon to be 8 can do hers with just support but it's Times tables, other maths, spellings and then reading. EVERY DAY! It's a lot and she moans about it but ultimately does it. But my Ds who is the youngest in his class, well it's like pulling teeth. He just point blank refuses and it's the same amount of work to Dd.
At first I'm patient, then I cajole, then I threaten to tell his teacher and it's all downhill from there.
I'm finding it all too much let alone my DC's.
Me and DH work full time shift work and we also take the DC's to two activities but I always thought that a parents job was to rear well rounded children not to teach them what school should be doing. If lockdown taught me anything it was that I am not a teacher!
Am I wrong that this is too much for such young DC's and I shouldn't be expected to come home and fight with my kids to do homework.
Just so angry and need to rant.
School keeps pulling me aside and insisting I do more, try to do more. I'm done I'm exhausted.
AIBU?

@parrotonmyshoulder it's his teacher. I get the you haven't written in the diary speech and the even if it's only a minute a day. But when you log into the Maths app and the first sum is 50-: 10 = and he's 6!!! What do you do.

@Manteo yes our school uses TT Rockstar as well. My 7yo can just about do a session but the 6 yo you can forget it.

@Yogsgirl but it's not a sheet of maths per week it's a sheet per day!

With 10 questions per sheet.

Oh, I see- yes a sheet of maths per day is unnecessary! I agree!

I would read every day, do the spellings the day before the test and let them play times-ables on the iPad for 10 minutes (most kids enjoy those games). Forget the maths- they should be covering that in lessons- no need to do maths every day at home!

Yes we are reading every day as Ds has speech problems so is a little delayed reading but until the school said this to me I though he was doing well. We are getting him private speech therapy as the NHS a rubbish, but that is a whole other thread!
So we do reading and then just lightly touch on his spellings and the Maths are hit and miss. I'm just getting so tired of when I collect Ds the teacher beckoning me over oh the dread

Here, we do reading, and we did the weekly spellings when they were year 1. Other than that, I point blank refuse to do homework for primary school kids. I have discussed this calmly with their teachers, and said by all means, if they are falling behind in anything, we can reassess, but I strongly believe that primary aged children need downtime, and play, more than homework.

I don't think homework is necessary. We don't set homework (independent primary) and I have to actively remind parents to please send their children out to play or have them do activities, instead of putting them in front of workbooks. They don't need it. It doesn't help them or me and it's just overkill.

I think you should email he teacher and explain how much your child will be doing, so she can adjust her expectations.
Maths app once a week, and reading is plenty with an unwilling child. We use to verbally practice the spellings occasionally on the walk to school.

When mine were in primary I did spellings and reading, that's it. There were a couple of teachers who set unnecessary homework and I emailed the school to calmly say why we wouldn't be doing it. I was on my own at the time, had a 3 year old and 6 year old, plus a professional job with a lot of responsibility. The homework was a step too far. The head teacher was fine with it, he didn't agree with it either. The only reason it was set was due to pressure from hot housing parents stressing about their kid being the most advanced in the class

I have primary school teacher friends who get great outcomes and don't set homework.

[quote Ohjustboreoff]@Manteo yes our school uses TT Rockstar as well. My 7yo can just about do a session but the 6 yo you can forget it. [/quote]
What do you mean they can just about do a session? You can set what times tables they do and choose whether 10/20/30 questions or 1/2/3 minutes. I just get DD to do a 3 minute session a couple of times morning and evening.

@aNewYorkerInLondon

I went to an academically rigorous school and we had homework every day from age 5 all the way through. My father instituted a quick snack (like apples and peanut butter) and a mandatory 90 minutes of outdoor play (unless the weather was truly inappropriate) as soon as we got home, then homework until dinner time. Any unfinished homework was completed after family dinner with help as needed from mom and dad. We never really watched tv or anything like that in primary school except on weekends. It was a good schedule and the outside time before homework really helped get some energy out so we could focus.

We don't even get home until dinner time!

The main problem with all this is that children vary a lot. My DD is year 4, has ADHD and ASD and after a day at school then an hour at after school club is like a tightly coiled spring. I've told school she can manage 20 mins on a good day and 10 mins on a bad one. That's it, so they have to prioritise.

There are other DC in her class who are much more interested in learning and much more mature. Also there are a few parents who will complain if there isn't enough homework. So I understand they can't win but they should differentiate.

Go and see the Head. Say...he's 6, the volume is putting him off learning and we have a right to a family life. He wouldn't even be at school yet in other developed countries.

I am a teacher. There is plenty of evidence that homework at primary is futile (Sutton Trust review for example).

I am suggesting taking this to the Head because if it's school policy he/she needs to know the effects it's having. If it's an over zealous teacher they also need to know.

My dc is at a private school: they've had hw from day one. I hate it, they have school 8:30-4:15 and still have 30 mins hw now they're in year 4, on top of this they're expected to get through 3 chapter books a week.

I often wonder what they're doing in school that they still have this much left over at the end of the day, we have a very strict regime as a result, zero tv on weekdays, clubs are structured around the hw schedule.

Saying that, my dc knows all their times tables, is advanced in reading and spelling etc and kind of forced me to help them with everything. I hate hw for primary aged dc though, I went to a dumpy state school snd had none until year 6 and did ok. But I have to say, the world is a bit different now it seems so much more competitive so I look at it like hopefully it will help them one day and certainly my dc educational stamina is wayyyy past what I was capable of aged 8. Doesn't help me though

My DS has just got back from school and is now in the garden making a bug hotel. And that is what he should be doing after spending all day in school. Not sitting down to complete his 4 pieces of homework.

Couldn’t agree more OP. That sounds way too much for a 6 year old- or even for an older primary child. Downtime is so so important for kids. Definitely speak to the school, if you’re assertive about it once and for all it will hopefully stop those daily chats from the teacher, that would drive me mad!

I am a teacher and I also think it is a lot. 'Little and often' reading and times tables practise at home will make an enormous difference though, it really will. The gap is steadily widening between those children who read and practise their reading/times tables at home, and those who don't, in my class. There is only so much we can achieve at school and, a bit like telling the time or using money, parental support with these things really do pay dividends.

Can't you make it easy on yourself - five mins daily practise on TTRockstars, 20 mins cuddled up with a story at bedtime?

I personally wouldn't object to ten daily maths questions and five mins of spellings, possibly while dinner is cooking or over breakfast, but think the evidence for those making a significant difference to attainment is very weak. If you don't want to do them, contact the Head not the teacher, as SLT set the homework policy. If enough people object, things might change.

My DCs primary school hardly set any homework. DS is Y6, he hasn't had anything yet apart from reading.
DD is Y8, they get a lot of homework but she's coped with the change, just needs help with planning & time management.
Im fortunate that my DC are academically able but I fail to see how a daily fight over homework helps anyone.
YADNBU OP.

We used to have spellings as well as maths and pick and mix homework a week. I used to do spellings on the way home or to school. Reading we do 10mins a day straight after school, whilst one is reading the other one is doing ttrockstars. Pick and mix is once a week and more like small project work focused on the term topic. We’ve now got into a routine of it and that helps tho we do have our moments. Spellings are now done differently at school this year, I’m get too get my head round how it works. I’ve also this year started pocket money they are 9 and 7 so get a small amount for completing it each day. Slightly more for project work.

Most homework set by our school for yr2&3 is pointless, but I've learnt to work the system. What's the point in learning to spell the words "whey" (byproduct of cheese making), and "purvey" at 7, when could/would/should is still not reliable. A 10min cram of the pointless school test words does enough to ensure her confidence isn't wrecked in that weeks' test, and the rest of the week we read, draw and play games which often do end up having a link to numbers or words - without being forced. Those magically have resulted in her genuinely understanding her times tables, as opposed to the rote learning encouraged by the app/ daily timed testing. I guess it's out of touch D of E that insists on this silly stuff, but I have learnt that we do need to do literacy and numeracy games at home, because in school, the worksheet after worksheet system just isn't generating a genuine understanding.

Literacy and numeracy games are great! But parents won't have the energy if the schools exhaust us with a load of pointless busy work.

As well as downtime, DC also need to eat, wash and sleep and a lot of working parents only have an hour to cram that in.

I think schools forget that and think all DC are getting home at 3.30pm.

Tell the school you are following the government guidelines on homework time for this age and that, as education experts, they should be aware that at this age time for free play is crucial for brain development, as is time for exercise and rest. In home time those are my priorities: free play, exercise,and rest.

The government guidelines for homework are:
Yr 1-2: 60 minutes per WEEK
Yr 3-4: 90 min per WEEK
Yr 5-6: 30 min per day.

If your child is resisting the amount he is being given he may be right. Practicing times tables over and over again is not good for brain development and isn’t particularly useful in later life either. It is useful to the school’s attainment targets but those are not your problem.

I do a lot of reading, usually me reading to DD and us discussing the book together. DD does a lot of spontaneous writing / drawing when she feels like it. We do a little maths occasionally at home, but this is very much as a game (like times tables superheroes) not the ‘test’ type worksheets school tend to provide which stress DD out and undermine her confidence and, most importantly, teach nothing at all.

If school complain that we aren’t doing the set homework I tell them to shove it. My child is near top of the class so obviously the way I do things works. They’ve got used to me now.

@Bobsyer

Do tell the teacher. Tell them you don’t have time to do it all, but you’ll try your best and ensure reading gets done.

There is no point fighting to do homework which literally ends in tears.

Maybe try just incorporating it into your everyday life?

What about OP’s post suggests this isn’t what she’s already doing?!

Ops post reads as though she is sitting them down after school to do all the homework in one sitting. I believe a previous poster mentioned incorporting into daily life meaning, do times tables as part of your journey to school. Do spellings during breakfast. Do reading at bedtime and just do any worksheets after school. Spread it out into small chunks

Thanks for all your advice. I'm just going to concentrate on reading for Ds and "politely" tell the teacher to knob off and stop asking me to do more. I've been told our school is very academic but unless I want to drive to a school 30 mins down country roads away I'll just have to bare the stares at our school.