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Original poster

Sadness over each milestone

41 replies

Newmama93 · 27/09/2021 08:23

Ok don’t come at me please but I’m a first time mum and I can’t help this heavy feeling each time my baby boy has a new milestone like he was 6 months old yesterday, I cried and feel like time is going way too quickly.. it then got me feeling and super sad that these little people we raise are gone as they grow (I understand it is NOT the same as a loss of a child and I don’t mean to offend anyone, that’s a hell I can’t even imagine) but I can’t help but think and be sad that in years to come when we are having fun movie nights with the kids, holidays, fishing trips, reading stories, listening to their imagination and the innocence that the version of that little him will be gone and our lives will change and all of that fun will end and be a distant memory. Do you ever feel this way? It’s like the baby version of him will gradually go as they change and evolve but I miss the person that’s changing.

Ahhh I need sleep

OP posts:
PerfectPrepPrincess · 27/09/2021 08:25

I'm the same. I'm grieving for the newborn stage so badly. It wasn't an easy time for me but I made the best of it that I could.

Suprima · 27/09/2021 08:26

I came on this thread assuming you had lost a child and were thinking of all of the missed milestones, or had a pregnancy loss and were thinking of your scans and check ups passing by.

Please just enjoy your lovely baby and be proud of each milestone they reach.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 27/09/2021 08:34

I used to feel like that too OP, but you know what? My daughter is four now and so, so much more interesting than she was as a baby. I still watch old videos of her and want to give her cheeks a squish but I love the person she’s becoming and try to enjoy every second with her.

And, yes, the other side of it is loss - I lost a pregnancy last year and occasionally, unprompted/when I see particular friends’ children, think “Oh, he’d be doing this or that now”.

Just enjoy him.

Fl0w3ry · 27/09/2021 08:44

I understand how you feel. It's a strange thing because as they grow they are the same child, but when you look back it is like different versions of them are gone forever. You just have to enjoy each stage in the moment and look back at the happy memories and be thankful you were able to experience it. Nothing lasts forever. I really miss my DC as babies/toddlers, I have flashes of memories in my head. It does feel bittersweet. Each stage in their childhood brings new things to amaze me though. Just glance backwards and don't stare, otherwise you will miss the exciting moments that are happening right now. At the stage your baby is you have amazing things to look forward to - first steps, first words etc.

Original poster
Newmama93 · 27/09/2021 08:48

I know that but I just feel down when I think about the first steps and words, it’s all going too quickly and the thought of it being all over in years to come is heart breaking. I’ll try my best though, nice to know others have felt the same

OP posts:
DancingintheSpoonlight · 27/09/2021 08:50

I did feel this way with DD who is at school now.

I do miss baby DD time BUT I've loved each milestone too. As they get older there's new things to get excited about, you learn more about them as they grow. Dd's cheeky smile still melts me, she cracks me up with what she says, and we enjoy different activities together.

As easy as it is for me to say all this, I know when DS is here shortly I will still feel how you are now about him!

Original poster
Newmama93 · 27/09/2021 08:54

I know but does it get you down that in 10 years you won’t have that? She’ll be a teen off on her own and that time is gone? :(

OP posts:
MissCreeAnt · 27/09/2021 08:54

Lucky boy to be so loved.

I always thought I was in the best bit when my eldest was a baby, but honestly now I don't miss it. Every year I just thought "actually NOW is the best age after all" and I just keep thinking it. Admittedly 14 is having its moments. But I can still see the little girl she was, even when taking her bra shopping. She hasn't gone anywhere, she's just got more layers.

Incywinceyspider · 27/09/2021 08:58

You see for me I marvel at each milestone, in a "how did something I created manage to do that?!" kind of way. We can do so much more fun stuff now he's 2 than we could when he was a baby. I must admit, I did look at him the other day and realise that he's a little boy all of a sudden and that my baby is gone. I felt sad for a second but then so excited about all the stuff that's coming. I'm also pregnant with number 2 now so I'll soon have another baby to coo over.

ForkedIt · 27/09/2021 09:00

I’m about to give birth to my second baby any day because I burst into heaving sobs the night before my first born’s first birthday and announced I wanted another baby because the past year had been the best year of my life and I was distraught that it was over - this is after insisting I was ‘one and done’ for that whole year because I was so enamoured with pfb that there was no possible way I could love / split my love between two children Blush

Flittingaboutagain · 27/09/2021 09:00

She hasn't gone anywhere, she's just got more layers.

That's so lovely.

I feel the same OP. I'd been warned the baby stage could be boring and I'd want to get to the more interactive stage of motherhood. I just don't feel that way at all. I absolutely love having my newborn despite the challenges and with every week's new skills or changes am finding it so bittersweet! It's like I'm already scared of time gong so fast.

Imatwinmum · 27/09/2021 09:04

I feel that way with my second babies! As I know I won’t be having anymore. With my first I was just all about meeting the milestones. Then she turned 3 and I realised she wasn’t my baby anymore.

I’ve definitely realised how quickly it passes. I think everyone feels this way to some extent? I am starting to understand that lady who has 22 babies!

Original poster
Newmama93 · 27/09/2021 09:04

How do you feel now?? Sadly I think it goes on and on with each baby you have. I can relate, I’ve loved these times so much

OP posts:
HeyFloof · 27/09/2021 09:07

Your darling baby is growing, learning and will continue to amaze and delight you with every penny drop moment they have. It is a gift to watch them grow. It can be bittersweet to look back, but a joy to move forward.

And as you say, losing a child and missing those milestones is a quiet hell that I can't even explain. My baby boy should be six months old. He's not here to pass the milestones and he never will be.

Original poster
Newmama93 · 27/09/2021 09:12

I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to come off as being ungrateful it’s just something I’m feeling and trying to move past as I know it seems silly. So sorry for your loss 💐

OP posts:
ReeseWitherfork · 27/09/2021 09:14

Trying to say this in a polite way... But I'm a bit baffled that you're heartbroken that these milestones are over when you're not really enjoying them in the first place. You may have more regret that you spent time thinking about the future rather than savouring the moment. Watching children grow and develop is the real joy; you don't get that without milestones. I just think you need to do some reframing.

RicherThanYew · 27/09/2021 09:20

@HeyFloof I'm so sorry you haven't had those precious milestones with your baby, this thread really makes you stop and think doesn't it? My baby would have been 3 years and 3 months now, we can't imagine who these little people would have been Flowers

HeyFloof · 27/09/2021 09:22

@Newmama93

I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to come off as being ungrateful it’s just something I’m feeling and trying to move past as I know it seems silly. So sorry for your loss 💐
Not at all, I get it completely. It's bittersweet watching then grow and thinking of when you were pregnant with th and then newborn and all the loveliness and learning curves. It's natural to be wistful.

You and your precious baby will grow together, you'll have wonderful days and awful days and days where you put them down to bed and do a deep breathe and go "wtf" 😂

Holskey · 27/09/2021 09:26

I get it. I was thinking of my nephews who are completely different people now than they were as little ones. I love who they are now but I miss who they were. Then I look at my baby and just try to appreciate every bit of his awesomeness because he'll change so much.

Ozanj · 27/09/2021 09:29

I love the toddler stage. It’s my favourite stage for babies & am a bit gutted that it will all be over with ds in a year. I think this is made worse by my probably not being able to have another.

HeyFloof · 27/09/2021 09:33

RicherThanYew Flowers I'm so sorry, its awful in every way.

MagnoliaBeige · 27/09/2021 09:34

@ReeseWitherfork

Trying to say this in a polite way... But I'm a bit baffled that you're heartbroken that these milestones are over when you're not really enjoying them in the first place. You may have more regret that you spent time thinking about the future rather than savouring the moment. Watching children grow and develop is the real joy; you don't get that without milestones. I just think you need to do some reframing.
I totally agree with this, it reads as you’re focusing so much on the milestone being achieved that you’re missing out on much of the joy that comes from having children. Reframing is definitely needed or you’re going to look back at their childhood and be sad that you spent so much of being sad. Don’t be sad it’s over, be happy it happened!!
BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 27/09/2021 09:35

I think to an extent this is a normal way to feel.

I'm like this a little about dc5(4), he's our last & has just gone off to primary school. I just try & find the joy in it too. It's amazing watching them grow & develop. Dc1 has just started y7 & it really is wonderful watching her interests grow & watching her change.

QueenoftheKarens · 27/09/2021 09:38

I thought you had lost a baby. I'm sad my three boys who were triplets would be 3 and at nursery this year. I should be applying for school for them next year. Sad

Don't be sad your little one is alive and well; yes they get bigger but there's so many milestones they have in teens and adulthood. You've got all that to come be happy.

MindyStClaire · 27/09/2021 09:39

I've seen a lot of people say this so I know you're not alone, but it's one of those parenting things I can't relate to at all. I love it when my kids learn new things and start to become their own people (they're only 3 and 1, so still small). I see it as my job to help them become independent and live their own lives.

My dearest wish is that in 20 or 30 years we have the relationship with them that we have now with our own parents - close but on an equal footing, almost like friends. If they're standing on their own two feet, happy and settled I'll have done my job (I want physical and mental good health for them above everything obviously, but I have less control over that!).