Sadness over each milestone

[Newmama93]

Ok don’t come at me please but I’m a first time mum and I can’t help this heavy feeling each time my baby boy has a new milestone like he was 6 months old yesterday, I cried and feel like time is going way too quickly.. it then got me feeling and super sad that these little people we raise are gone as they grow (I understand it is NOT the same as a loss of a child and I don’t mean to offend anyone, that’s a hell I can’t even imagine) but I can’t help but think and be sad that in years to come when we are having fun movie nights with the kids, holidays, fishing trips, reading stories, listening to their imagination and the innocence that the version of that little him will be gone and our lives will change and all of that fun will end and be a distant memory. Do you ever feel this way? It’s like the baby version of him will gradually go as they change and evolve but I miss the person that’s changing.

Ahhh I need sleep

I'm 46 and still my mother's baby! It baffles DS
My son is about to hit 10yo. He's still my baby.

I understand. I do miss my kids being babies (well, I don't actually miss the reality, I miss them looking cute). But my kids are definitely more fun and interesting now they are older. This summer my youngest learned how to ride his bike without stabilisers which was amazing. My eldest has become a much more confident swimmer. They are a lot more independent, they don't need me as much but that is a joy to watch too. I love being able to share with them the books and things I loved when I was their age.

I do think I am in the golden age. I fully anticipate in six years time when I have two teenage boys under one roof I will be cursing the day I had them. But I'm sure there will be plenty to enjoy then too.

@QueenoftheKarens

I thought you had lost a baby. I'm sad my three boys who were triplets would be 3 and at nursery this year. I should be applying for school for them next year.

Don't be sad your little one is alive and well; yes they get bigger but there's so many milestones they have in teens and adulthood. You've got all that to come be happy.

I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine your loss and I’m sorry if it’s upset you what I’ve said, it wasn’t my intention! 🌸

@MindyStClaire

I've seen a lot of people say this so I know you're not alone, but it's one of those parenting things I can't relate to at all. I love it when my kids learn new things and start to become their own people (they're only 3 and 1, so still small). I see it as my job to help them become independent and live their own lives.

My dearest wish is that in 20 or 30 years we have the relationship with them that we have now with our own parents - close but on an equal footing, almost like friends. If they're standing on their own two feet, happy and settled I'll have done my job (I want physical and mental good health for them above everything obviously, but I have less control over that!).

I agree and am so envious of you’re outlook! I wish I could see it this way and try but end up being sad, it’s a waste because time keeps moving anyway.

Thank you xx

Most people think this to some degree, I most certainly did and still so.
Mine are 9 and 13 now. Sometimes I’m crushed inside because with the 13 year old in particular the childlike innocence and child qualities have gone or are fast disappearing.
No longer does she run to something when she’s excited, she pushes against me all the time for more independence and there are many rows, other kids at school have introduced her to far more adult things than I would have liked, she can’t be bothered to do the fun things she used to love.
It’s heartbreaking in a way.
But in another way not meeting milestones would be so awful. Some parents have kids than stay like babies or toddlers forever, forever dependant.
Soak in every bit but don’t let it over shadow things or you will look back and feel you missed it.
You have 12 wonderful years ahead of you until you are in my position. Enjoy them, I’m very envious!

My son just turned 20.

It has been my greatest joy raising him to be the man he is now, its still exciting, meeting his girlfriend, helping him move into his house, hearing all about his work, his friends, his life and knowing that I created the awesome person he is today. I look forward to his visits and calls and he makes me so very proud.

Sadly his brother died a few years before he was born. Missing all of his milestones is a pain I can't describe. Believe me when I say that having a child not reach any milestones is so much worse.

You have so much to look forward to, having the privilege of watching your baby grow, teaching them, and seeing the person they become isn't sad at all. Your baby is doing exactly what they are supposed to do, your choice is to either feel sad about it, or celebrate it and look forward to all the amazing things ahead. Don't waste these times by feeling sad over every achievement.

I’ve felt like this on and off over the years, normally more when I’m generally feeling down or anxious.

I would suggest that you try to enjoy each stage and be grateful but also remember that each new stage brings new joys.

I sometimes feel sad that my teenagers aren’t around as much as when they were little and don’t want cuddles very often now but they are also at an age where we do lots of fun stuff together as a family like go ape, theme parks and escape rooms.

Stop fretting your babies life away! Enjoy it. Each new stage bring its own firsts. These are the building block times to the next ones...

I have a friend who, when asked what the best stage of having kids is, always says the current age her children are now. Which I think is the healthiest approach to take.

I got to cuddle my friend's 3 month old yesterday and she snoozed on my chest for a while and if I'm being honest, I had a little pang for the tiny snoozy baby stage. But right now, I'm having lunch in a cafe with my 3 year old. I'm not juggling breastfeeding, nappy changes or meltdowns. We're sharing a toastie and chatting about our plans for this afternoon. Do I miss some aspects of the younger phase? Absolutely. But I love watching how my kids are growing and developing - I see aspects of their personalities from when they were babies. What I'm losing as they grow up, I'm gaining something new. My 6 year old is learning to play Scrabble and wants to discover facts about space and vehicles and we are learning those together.

Honestly, there's so much more fun to discover

And in depressing parental realities - my 3 year old held a basin to puke in at the weekend so I didn't have to clean the floor every time like I did with her sister a few days previously. Some milestones might not be glamorous but they are sure positive.

I've lost a child, but I don't think that means you are unreasonable to feel as you do, in fact I'm always saddened that people when people try an mimimise other people's feelings.

Sometimes I look at baby pictures of my toddler and miss him so much it physically hurts . I wish I could go back in time sometimes 😢. I love him so much right now as the little person he is full of personality but I’ll always miss every milestone . I know how you feel .

I’m sorry you feel this way. Milestones should be happy times & yes it mean they are growing & developing but please try & enjoy it, you don’t want to look back on these times with sadness. If you are struggling to change your mindset it might be worth having a chat with your GP, or health visitor.

My youngest has a rare genetic condition, she is 6 and she cannot walk or talk or eat solid food amongst many other things but feeling sad doesn’t change it, we have to try & focus on the positives. For me, initially, I did have to try hard to change my mindset & it took a long time - maybe 3 years but one thing I discovered was being sad at what she couldn’t do didn’t make her magically able to do them and you feeling sad won’t stop them milestones stop coming thick & fast at this age x

Time will move on regardless of how you feel about it, it's not easy but I agree with others that as you have no control over time, it sounds beneficial to try and find ways to reframe it in your mind. Each milestone brings different milestones and different challenges, would you find it useful to keep a diary or something so that you don't worry about the memories slipping away? You don't want to miss out on today and looking forward as you're so busy looking backwards, cheesy as that sounds.

My DS1 is 16. He has flown through his milestones. I love the young man he has become, and I am very grateful for all of the memories he has given us. I can always look back, no one will take those memories (save dementia). In each of those memories that precious newborn, babe, toddler, little boy, boy with pockets full of string and peoples, teenager, still can be found.

Take photos, clips, etc and look back knowing that those tangible moments were there.

Like others, I have lost a child and the intangible what ifs are far more painful than times we loved and past.

You don't need to apologise but you do sound like you might have PND.

You can't go through life being sad in the happy times because soon they'll be over. Maybe you're just a melancholy person but what a shame not to be able to enjoy life.