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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move to London from a small seaside town?

49 replies

whywomenkill · 26/09/2021 22:42

I'm 39 and a midwife, my daughter has just left to start university in the nearest city, she is 18 and staying in the halls. I have always wanted to move to London, having my daughter young meant that wasn't plausible.

I'm now home alone and have a very close friend who lives in the centre of London, he is always suggesting I move Down and I feel like now is the perfect opportunity. However, my daughter scoffs at the idea and sees it as me 'abandoning' her, we generally have a very close and open relationship.

This is something I really want to do. I would rent out my house, I like in a lovely seaside town. I would then rent a flat in London and trial it for a year and see how I was feeling after that.

The only thing holding me back is my daughter's feelings surrounding it. I know I could get a job there no problem and could live quite comfortably. I am also single and I think London would be a great opportunity to meet more people, mainly men and widen my horizons.

Is this selfish and abandoning my daughter if I do so?

OP posts:
Cheesepuff1 · 26/09/2021 22:46

Once your daughter has settled into uni she won't care, or will enjoy having somewhere to stay and visit in London . as long as you're only renting out your house I say try it! it's definitely the best place to be single.

Original poster
whywomenkill · 26/09/2021 22:51

@Cheesepuff1 good advice thank you

OP posts:
MurielSpriggs · 26/09/2021 22:55

I'm failing to see how this could be interpreted as you abandoning your daughter. You can continue to be very close and open, just from a different part of that country. You can offer her the same support. Her centre of attention is moving away from your home town, and there's nothing at all wrong with yours moving too.

Would you be happy for her to stay (temporarily) with you in London when she wants to get away from university? It would be a bit more cramped but would still be possible (and perhaps much more interesting for her too).

It sounds like you've done a really good job with her. I think you are entirely within your rights to reclaim a bit a your own identity back and have a new adventure.

TrampolineForMrKite · 26/09/2021 22:55

Go for it! You only live once and it sounds like you have a sensible plan. Your daughter can come and stay with you in the holidays and I imagine she’s still got her grandparents/dad/friends back home that she could stay with if she wants to go back to see people.

I’m only a bit younger than you with two small kids and live in London and I love it. If you’re tired of London, you’re tired of life and all that. Even better to be young, free and single in the city and able to take advantage of all the culture and fun the capital has to offer.

Palavah · 26/09/2021 22:56

Fancy a house swap for a year?

StarryStarrySocks · 26/09/2021 22:57

I'm a similar age to you and nothing on earth could persuade me to live in busy, expensive London but hey, we're all different.
If you want to do it, do it. But I would make a plan to move in 12-18 months rather than right now. By then Covid will (hopefully!) be over and your daughter will be more settled at university. Once she knows you are serious about it I bet she will love the idea of a free stay in London every so often.

Wilkolampshade · 26/09/2021 23:01

Come to London!!
We moved here from Cornwall when the kids hit University age and they love it. Much more to do and much more useful for them. X

leavesthataregreen · 26/09/2021 23:01

Personally i'd wait until daughter has finished uni. Or at least until she has an established friendship group and full time house share, not term-time halls. It's a bit disconcerting for them to leave home for the first time and for that home to suddenly vanish. They are back for several months a year. So if you moved, instead of being able to catch up with friends and go to places she loves, she'd be camping out in your new place, knowing no one. Not the most settling way to spend her holidays.

But definitely do it when she's found her feet. It would be a brilliant experience. Imo, London is really lovely right now. Rental prices have dropped a bit so you might find somewhere more central. It's been cleaned up a bit during lockdowns - the public spaces are less grubby. And the life is back. Theatres and galleries and cafes and restaurants and concert halls all reopening.

Mymapuddlington · 26/09/2021 23:03

Do you know what I’m fed up of bratty kids trying to manipulate their parents into staying for whatever reason.

She is 18, she’s an adult at university. Live your life for you, you can still be there for her over the phone or have her stay etc it’s not like you’re moving countries and going off grid. She needs to let you be happy.

leavesthataregreen · 28/09/2021 13:08

@Mymapuddlington

Do you know what I’m fed up of bratty kids trying to manipulate their parents into staying for whatever reason.

She is 18, she’s an adult at university. Live your life for you, you can still be there for her over the phone or have her stay etc it’s not like you’re moving countries and going off grid. She needs to let you be happy.

I think that would be fair once they had finished uni but it's very comforting and stabilising to come home in the holidays to a familiar place where your old friends live. I don't think that's a bratty desire. Being at uni especially if you live in halls, is a bit of a half-way to adulthood. Once they have a full year's rental, that's different perhaps.
Blossomtoes · 28/09/2021 13:14

It's a bit disconcerting for them to leave home for the first time and for that home to suddenly vanish

Home is where the heart is. It’s not as if she’s never going to see her mum again. Go for it @whywomenkill, we can’t live our lives for our kids.

Darkstar4855 · 28/09/2021 13:17

YANBU. Go for it.

vivainsomnia · 28/09/2021 13:22

I would put a it warning at becoming a landlord. Do you really know it entails? Do you know that if you work FT as a midwife in London, you'd have to pay 40% or so of the income you get from your rental in tax?

Then you have the costs of doing the gas, electric checks and more, repairs, and then the constant worry you don't get your rental payments and can't evict for months, with all the stress and time this entails.

Really look into it before you decide to go with it.

Stickyblue1987 · 28/09/2021 13:30

I would go for it. Sounds like a wonderful adventure!

BigGreen · 28/09/2021 13:38

Ha @Palavah I had exactly the same thought! London lockdowns have sucked but in 'normal' times it's a brilliant city (insane property prices excepted).

Grimbelina · 28/09/2021 13:38

Definitely do it, You can discover it together when she stays in the holidays. A great adventure for you both (and I say that as someone who has just moved out and am now rural).

underneaththeash · 28/09/2021 13:40

London's only fun if you have lots of money - I wouldn't bother.

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 28/09/2021 13:50

I thought we didn’t pay midwives enough?! If you can afford to move to the centre of the 6th most expensive city in the world and rent alone and also live quite comfortably then we’re definitely paying midwives too much Grin

Grimbelina · 28/09/2021 13:51

Loads of free things to do and getting around isn't expensive either. The big cost is housing and it sounds like that would be covered by the rent on the OP's house. Rentals are much lower in London right now too...

marieantoinehairnet · 28/09/2021 13:53

Don't do it, it seems like the golden land but it's a shite, and you get financially stuck and can never leave

IntermittentParps · 28/09/2021 13:55

Come! London is fab.

Personally i'd wait until daughter has finished uni. Or at least until she has an established friendship group and full time house share, not term-time halls. It's a bit disconcerting for them to leave home for the first time and for that home to suddenly vanish. They are back for several months a year.

She's a grown-up now. She shouldn't be trying to dictate to the OP where and how she can live and the OP certainly shouldn't let her dictate.
When I went to uni I considered myself to have left home. I lived in private rented flats and lived in my uni city year-round apart from the odd visit to my parents. I certainly wasn't at their house for several months a year. Not everyone has the same uni experience.

leavesthataregreen · 28/09/2021 13:56

@underneaththeash

London's only fun if you have lots of money - I wouldn't bother.
I don't agree. So much in London is free or cheap. Amazing museums and galleries cost nothing. We got fantastic seats at the Old Vic for £20 the other night and they do previews for a tenner. Very competitive food from street stalls starting at £5 for veggie curries to £20 set menus in China Town and old Soho brasseries. Then there's the free concerts, the buskers and street artists. Lots of the sights cost nothing - from Tower Bridge to Buckingham Palace. There's several free sky gardens in the City and glorious parks, markets and city farms. It's easier to have a really full life on a low budget in London than the suburbs imo.
vivainsomnia · 28/09/2021 13:58

The big cost is housing and it sounds like that would be covered by the rent on the OP's house
Highly unlikely after tax and costs.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 28/09/2021 14:06

Like others, I wouldn't do it right now the minute she has gone to University. My DD comes home to see her home-town friends as much as us. In her first year she spent her whole summer here. It would have been miserable if we were in a smaller flat in an unfamiliar place.

Can you hang on for another year or two?

2bazookas · 28/09/2021 14:07

No. Go for it.