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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel left out?

70 replies

pcofmushu · 26/09/2021 18:53

BF is currently out for a meal with his parents, his sister and her partner, and his brother and his partner. I wasn't invited and I'm sat here at home alone wondering why???
Feeling pretty crap about it tbh.

OP posts:

WaltzingBetty · 28/09/2021 13:09

@pcofmushu

Hi all, so I raised it with him and he said "I knew you said you wanted a relaxing Sunday as in not having to go anywhere or do anything, so I just thought not to ask you as I expected your answer to be 'no' "

And what did he say when you pointed out the table was booked over a week ago so how would he know then that you didn't want to go

Highflyingadored · 28/09/2021 13:10

@qualitygirl read the thread before commenting....

OP.... do you believe him? Seems like a weak excuse, even if my husband wants a quiet day I still ask if he wants to do something that's on and give him the choice and vice versa. We wouldnt second guess and make assumptions for the other person.

PragmaticWench · 28/09/2021 13:14

He's either emotionally incapable and unable to imagine how you'd feel, or he's purposefully not wanted you there.

Holly60 · 28/09/2021 13:16

Well i guess it depends. Did you make a point of saying you didn’t want to do anything? Did he ask you to do something else and you’d said no?

Even then he could have said ‘this is happening if you fancy it?’

qualitygirl · 28/09/2021 13:26

@Highflyingadored I did...I missed that comment but thank you...

PaperhouseLegs · 28/09/2021 13:27

I call bullshit. You would at least ask with the expectation of a refusal.

Therealjudgejudy · 28/09/2021 13:32

That's a ridiculous excuse he made. I'd be pulling him up on it

JacquelineCarlyle · 28/09/2021 13:37

What a load of rubbish!

1forAll74 · 28/09/2021 13:47

It maybe just a family thing, where they are all discussing family issues etc. You shouldn't really need to question him about this. Don't feel sorry for yourself, saying you are left out, just do something to get occupied instead.

Tistheseason17 · 28/09/2021 14:16

His response is utter bollocks, OP.

TheChip · 28/09/2021 14:56

What utter bullshit. Do you believe him, OP?

MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 28/09/2021 15:14

Bollocks. He didn’t want you there for some reason. Sorry Op.

rainbowstardrops · 28/09/2021 15:19

What a pathetic response from him!!! He could have at least asked and let you make your own mind up!
I'd be so cross.

ToykotoLosAngeles · 28/09/2021 15:22

Pretty sure he didn't invite you on purpose and that was his rehearsed answer. Which as you say makes no sense if the table was booked a few days ago.

LookItsMeAgain · 28/09/2021 15:52

That's grade A horse manure right there @pcofmushu!

You are allowed to make your own mind up for yourself.
If you did want a quiet night in, you could have told him at that stage. By not giving you that opportunity he has treated you like a child and one that cannot answer for themselves.

Not an attractive feature in a person to be honest.

Did no one ask where you were? Why don't you tackle this by going straight to the brains in this operation - i.e. his mother and say that you are sorry you missed out on what appears to have been a lovely night but her son decided that you wanted a quiet night in so you weren't even allowed make the call yourself one way or the other and you would have gone, had there been an open invitation to attend.

FilledSoda · 28/09/2021 16:26

He hasn't wanted you there, the question is why .
I'm so sorry OP.
Do you feel like he's checked out of the relationship?

Frazzledmummy123 · 28/09/2021 16:48

I think his excuse does sound quite shady and it wouldn't sit right with me if it were me.

The reason he didn't ask you might not necessarily be anything directly to do with you, but to do with someone else at the table? Could he be embarrassed by how one of the family acts (e.g: gets drunk quickly or starts airing political views, etc), or has heard something about one of his siblings partners which made him not want you to meet them in case they embarrass his family in some way? If so, he should fess up now you have said you felt hurt about not being asked.

The only person who can tell you is him. Talk to him again, and if he persists with the original reason you need to decide how you feel about it. You never know, it could be true as unlikely as it seems, and the fact photos went on facebook suggests he wasnt deliberately excluding you or think you'd mind. Wouldn't he have told people to not post anything on facebook if was avoiding you finding out partners were there? Talk to him again if it is still bothering you.

Kite22 · 28/09/2021 23:33

Yup, that response is absolutely ridiculous.

At the very least, any normal person would have said "I know you are tired and were talking about not going anywhere at the weekend, but Mum and Dad have invited us all for a meal. Do you fancy it or would you prefer I go on my own?"

What he said makes no sense, and I would have to pick him up on that. If he doesn't want you there, I'd want to know why, as that is a big issue.

Nightbringer · 29/09/2021 07:06

Op are you the poster with a chronically illness that lives quite far away from their dp?

You posted that you stay with him a few days a week, and he asked you to only stay 3 days one week because of his housemate not being happy about you staying most of the week. Then on the 4th night you insisted on attending something with his family. He reiterated you couldn't stay that night and said he would take you to the train station afterwards, but you then knew before the meal you would be too ill to travel home and told (not asked) him that you were staying.

Then the thread was deleted?

Apologies if not. But the thread was long and detailed, but would make more sense with his story about you being tired and not wanting to do anything. Because of your illness.

SomeoneInTheLaaaaaounge · 29/09/2021 11:50

Oh yeah I remember that thread - was that you OP who was feeling poorly?

This all would make a lot more sense.

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