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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel left out?

70 replies

pcofmushu · 26/09/2021 18:53

BF is currently out for a meal with his parents, his sister and her partner, and his brother and his partner. I wasn't invited and I'm sat here at home alone wondering why???
Feeling pretty crap about it tbh.

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 26/09/2021 22:41

I don't understand why he wouldn't invite you. Me and my dp have also been together 18 months, and he's proud to take me along to family events. (Mind you, he's so obsessed with his cat that he'd take her too if he could!) Just ask him, and come back and tell us why you weren't invited. I'm intrigued.

MrsHastingslikethebattle · 26/09/2021 22:42

Have you asked him?

I would want an answer. Your husband girlfriend of 18 months and I'm assuming that you both have told that you love one another.

I would be having a conversation with him. How in earth can they invite his siblings partners after a few month together and not you? And if they havent invited you, why would your partner not invite you and say he'll bring you along.

My partner would immediately say oh I'll see what duchess is working and see if she can come.

Shocking. Let us know what hes answer is!

Leeds2 · 26/09/2021 22:45

Are you sure that the parents didn't ask your BF to ask you ? Seems very odd otherwise.

Onesipmore · 26/09/2021 22:49

Do you live with each other?

LadyWithLapdog · 26/09/2021 22:50

What?! Do you have a big birthday coming up, are they planning a surprise? Still extremely odd. I’d be pissed off with the boyfriend for not saying something to his mum. I’m sorry they’ve made you feel shit.

ClareBlue · 26/09/2021 22:57

This is not feeling left out it is being left out. Posting on FB makes it even worse.
Need to find out what's going on.
This is really horrible in an 18 months relationship. One of the worse feelings you can have in a relationship.
Sorry you are going through thisFlowers

Frazzledmummy123 · 26/09/2021 23:01

You need to have this out with him as that is totally shitty, hurtful behaviour Flowers .

Obv don't go in all guns blazing, just simply ask him why you weren't invited, or tell him you are hurt. See what he says and take it from there. If it turns out he didn't know partners were invited until he turned up and it was a misunderstanding then fair enough, I'd let it go. Tbh, I am not sure what other valid or acceptable reason there could be.

I hope you get to the bottom of it and get an acceptable answer.

TheChip · 26/09/2021 23:02

I'd say this was down to your boyfriend, and not the parents. I'm not surprised you're feeling the way you do, it's horrible. Unless he really didn't know they were going to be there, but that seems unlikely. Even still, he could have messaged you to apologise or tell you to quickly get ready and head there.
What a dick.

PurpleDaisies · 26/09/2021 23:04

I agree that this seems more likely to be the boyfriend.

You need a conversation with him.

OuiOuiBonjour · 26/09/2021 23:06

You have every right to be upset and should ask him outright, "please could you explain why I was the only partner not to be invited? I am hurt as it feels that I was deliberately left out."

His Mum made the booking...have you any reason to think she doesn't like you? Are the other partners male, female or a mix?

Summersun2020 · 26/09/2021 23:16

OP I’d bet my bottom dollar that it’s your boyfriend who hasn’t invited you. Unless there’s a huge backstory with his parents then it’s just too weird. That fact he casually mentioned it to you a few hours before speaks volumes. If this was me, my partner would never go without me if his family had excluded me. ((Hugs)) to you, I hope you get some answers.

BreatheAndFocus · 26/09/2021 23:20

I think it’s your boyfriend too. He either didn’t want you there or he’s too thick to ask whether partners are invited too.

Holskey · 26/09/2021 23:21

This is just plain weird without a backstory. I'd literally get rid unless there's a sensible reason for this exclusion.

HollowTalk · 26/09/2021 23:27

I don't think there can be a special reason for the exclusion.

It's a really nasty thing for him to do and I would put an end to this now.

thefourgp · 26/09/2021 23:28

That’s horrible OP. It sounds like they know you’re boyfriend is planning on breaking up with you and he just hasn’t done it yet for whatever reason. You need to ask him directly and don’t let him fob you off with bullshit excuses.

SkiingIsHeaven · 26/09/2021 23:36

I would be incredibly hurt too.

Just ask him when he comes home. Then tell us what he says please.

JacquelineCarlyle · 26/09/2021 23:38

That's really out of order of him Op - hope he has a good explanation (not that I can think what that might be!).

So hurtful for you.

Lotsalotsagiggles · 26/09/2021 23:44

Please ask why and don't let this be a thing? He may have thought other partners weren't coming

His explanation will hopefully help

RunnerDuck2020 · 26/09/2021 23:49

Did your boyfriend know that his siblings partners were invited? Could just be a misunderstanding - he thought partners weren’t invited and then realised when he got there that they were.

whynotwhatknot · 26/09/2021 23:56

What id want to know id why my boyfriend dsiidnt say to his mum oh isnt pcof booked for the meal

he would have known

PegasusReturns · 27/09/2021 00:09

Why wouldn’t your partner just invite you along?

Lancrelady80 · 27/09/2021 00:48

This is the kind of my crap my ex would pull. Inc. regular nights out with mutual friends (from his work) where their partners were invited and I was told about them, but specifically told I wasn't to go too because it was his people.

It killed me on a weekly basis and my self-esteem over a long period of time, because I was stupid enough to run with it so as not to be suffocating. It took a break up, a breakdown and a bloody good man to help me see I wasn't the problem, and to start to rebuild my sense of worth (still an ongoing job, well over ten years later.)

Be braver than me. Don't just stay quiet and hurting. Find out why you were not invited along. If your bf deliberately decided you were not to go, for no good reason, then pack your bags because he's showing you how little he thinks of you and how little he's bothered about having you in his life.

You deserve to be treated better.

Highflyingadored · 27/09/2021 21:40

Did you discuss it in the end?

Original poster
pcofmushu · 28/09/2021 12:54

Hi all, so I raised it with him and he said "I knew you said you wanted a relaxing Sunday as in not having to go anywhere or do anything, so I just thought not to ask you as I expected your answer to be 'no' "

OP posts:
qualitygirl · 28/09/2021 12:57

Is his sister married to her partner? How long have they been together. Maybe his parents have a family issue/news they need to discuss and it isn't your business. Leave it be OP.

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