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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Introverts and parenting

38 replies

Poppetts1234 · 26/09/2021 18:04

So I’m an introvert. Always thought I was an extrovert but as I’ve grown older I’ve realised the effort I used to put into seem like an extrovert and realised I’m very much an introvert.
I’m at my happiest by myself.

I need time by myself to ‘re-charge’ and being a mum that time is very rare.

I think I’m exhausted just from listening to my child constantly needing something constantly talking and asking questions.
Constantly making small talk with other mums.

Do you think introverted parents find parenting harder?

OP posts:
inkhopper · 26/09/2021 18:06

absolutely OP! I really really struggled with this, until my kid was old enough to entertain himself for longer periods of time. It led to a lot of MH issues and related physical health issues for me. Happy to say it's a lot better now my DD is 8. I feel normal again!

Original poster
Poppetts1234 · 26/09/2021 18:11

I’m currently in my bedroom just taking 20 mins and my child is constantly coming in and talking me. I love her but she’s been talking to me for the last 12 hours and I just want some quiet!
I’ve got a day off work this week and my mum asked if I wanted to go somewhere for lunch. I’ve declined the invite as I said I just want to be home by myself.
My mum is extremely extroverted and has taken it really personal and told me that I’m really miserable

OP posts:
softplay999 · 26/09/2021 18:12

I'm the same. I get it. It's harder for sure

Comedycook · 26/09/2021 18:14

Oh definitely! I enjoy spending time with others but I definitely need time alone to recharge. Busy, chaotic, noisey households are hell on earth for me. Thank god for school! Lockdown was tough!

Macncheeseballs · 26/09/2021 18:16

'Constantly making small talk', that's not true is it, you're in your bedroom

Original poster
Poppetts1234 · 26/09/2021 18:17

I think lockdown made me realise who I was and that I really don’t love socialising. I thought I was depressed pre lockdown but looking back I just wasn’t having enough time by myself to recharge.

OP posts:
Original poster
Poppetts1234 · 26/09/2021 18:19

I said constantly making small talk with other mums.

I’ve been up since 6am with the family. We’ve been to church , visited grandparents, been to the park. Food shopping, cooked and cleaned. Done homework and reading. So yes I’m not having a 20 min break in my bedroom

OP posts:
Original poster
Poppetts1234 · 26/09/2021 18:20

So yes I am having *

OP posts:
Macncheeseballs · 26/09/2021 19:01

You are not constantly making small talk with other mums, that is an exaggeration, one day your kids will have left home and you may spend alot of time alone, which may be exactly what you want, in the mean time can you not just see the good in situations, enjoy other people a bit more

MattyGroves · 26/09/2021 19:07

I think it depends on the child too. My elder son is an extrovert and basically never stops talking. He will play on his own a bit but would always prefer company. It would have driven me mad to be a SAHM with him. My younger one is much more self sufficient even though he's still very young

TiddleTaddleTat · 26/09/2021 19:08

Yes. I'm the same OP. Totally worn out after a weekend with small children talking at me all day every day.

WartyToad · 26/09/2021 19:11

I'm the same OP I love having dc but I'm feeling the impact on my mental health of not having time on my own very often since having them.

BigGreen · 26/09/2021 19:17

Yes, agree. They stand right in front of me talking incessantly at the same time. It's making me miserable.

Taoneusa · 26/09/2021 19:18

I did spend tons of time with my children reading them stories so that I could have quiet time. I found I could read stories convincingly enough even if I wasn’t paying attention. Particularly as they like same stories repeated over and over. We also used to spend regular afternoons listening to children’s audiobooks while playing at the kitchen table with play doh and paints/ crafting etc.

Absolutely sympathise with needing quiet time!

IamJuliaJohnson · 26/09/2021 19:22

Yes! I’m a classic ‘introverted extrovert’ in that I present as being quite a people person and seem confident etc, but it’s completely on my terms. I like people as long as I get enough time to recharge.

It often feels as a parent that I don’t get any time at all. Can’t get a minute to go to the loo even without someone trying to hunt me down and ask for something. My children are noisy and do not shut up and I find them so overwhelming. I really do try to manage it and escape but there have been a few times where I have just exploded as a result of all the demands.

somewhereoverthechipshop · 26/09/2021 19:25

Yes I found it really hard as an introvert having my first child at 27. Over the years though it’s forced me to do so many things I would never have done before. So much socialising. It’s been good for me I’m so much braver now because of my kids.

VladmirsPoutine · 26/09/2021 19:30

Yanbu I absolutely love silence, my own company with a nice hot latte.

Secretroses · 26/09/2021 19:30

Completely agree with you OP. I love my children but really do need time to myself to recharge. It has got a little easier now they are a bit older which may offer some hope to you!

Mymapuddlington · 26/09/2021 19:33

@Macncheeseballs
enjoy other people a bit more

For introverts, enjoying other people a bit more is like having a 3 day weekend on an 18-30s booze up. It’s exhausting, mentally draining, makes us miserable.

LynetteScavo · 26/09/2021 19:35

The trouble with them getting older is they need less sleep, so you get less time alone.

It's hard when you really need to have time for yourself. I used to have a cut off point in the day, so I'd quite happily parent for a solid 14 hours, but after that I really needed DH to deal with them. Because I needed to be alone, all by myself.

LynetteScavo · 26/09/2021 19:37

And when people
Invite you out on a Friday night, and it fills you with horrors because you won't get any time alone that day...
I live going out with friends in the evening, but not if I've had to be dealing with actual human beings all day.

esloquehay · 26/09/2021 19:43

OP, ignore @Macncheeseballs, who appears to have Sunday night-itis. ☺️

thepeopleversuswork · 26/09/2021 20:07

I don’t really get why this is just an introvert thing?

I mean I get that introverts find socialising more tiring but being talked at by small kids is exhausting for extroverts too!

I am on the extrovert end of the spectrum and I find being with kids all day totally draining.

RobinPenguins · 26/09/2021 20:10

Every day when DD goes to sleep I have to go and sit by myself for at least half an hour and not talk to anyone. Not DH, not anyone on the phone, no one.

Lancrelady80 · 26/09/2021 20:10

How old is your child, op? I have felt like this, to the point that on one occasion I did actually say to my two that I needed them to just go and play by themselves for a bit and give Mummy some time and space because my ears were hurting, and then I'd come and play with them. Bless their little hearts, they happily went off in the playroom for 20 mins together, where I could see but not really hear them, and I could recharge a bit.

6 and 4. Obviously different if we're talking very small children, and harder if there is only one and there is no sibling to entertain them - although still not impossible, if you get out some suitable activities for them eg jigsaw, Happyland, and give them a sand timer with instructions that they need to play quietly there until sand runs out.

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