To be upset MIL hasn’t invited us for Christmas?

[Nahhh]

DP is usually working Christmas but this year he’s off. My DC are with their dad and I was feeling pretty down about not seeing them.

DP messaged his mum today to see what she was planning so we could arrange to do something together and it turns out she’s booked a restaurant for her, DSIL, DNiece and DP’s grandparents without thinking of asking us.

AIBU to feel a little hurt?

Do you want actually want to go?

How do you know the restaurant is fully booked? Did your MIL try to add you or have you checked availability yourself?

Maybe they thought you and DP would like to spend Christmas on your own, just the two of you?

If they are having Christmas lunch in the restaurant why not invite them round to yours afterwards, for drinks and a buffet tea or invite them on Boxing Day....

I really don't understand what people are on about.

Normally, the partner works for Christmas. Why would OP go spend it with his family then? From what I understand, the OP and her partner don't share any kids, so if anything it would be bloody weird for her to come over to theirs without the partner.
This once her partner is actually off for Christmas, so how on earth is it even slightly unreasonable to think MIL would jump at the chance of seeing them for Christmas?

Personally I would be delighted not having to spend Christmas with the in laws but I can understand you're upset.

If it was me I'd just enjoy the time with Dp if it's a one off for him to be off on Christmas Day.

God I’m jealous.
You go to my MILs and I’ll have your Christmas for two!

I can see why you're hurt, but there is no point stewing on this. Next time you see her maybe breezily mention that when DP isn't working over Xmas you'd love to have one together. But this year why not spend some £££ on fancy foods the kids don't like, some champagne, get a fire going and spend the whole day naked?!

We’d be thrilled to have Christmas by ourselves..just a nice relaxed day.

@Nahhh

Thanks everyone for your replies. Tbh this thread is just starting to make me feel even worse now. The whole “maybe she just hates you” thing has cut a bit close to the bone. I’m going to hide it.

Just to be clear though, she knew he was off, she knew my kids were away, she knew we wanted to see them, she’s decided to go ahead and arrange things without us anyway.

OP, sorry responses have been a bit mean but actually I think 99% of people have been pragmatic and supportive, albeit a bit quick to assume things.

No need to hide the thread, most can see why you would feel bad. What does your dp say?

OP - your MIL and SIL have a family tradition. Your DP hasn't been part of Christmas with them for years so they have built their own plans without him.

It is actually rather rude to have not been available for years and expected SIL to host MIL, then this year when DP is free, want them to factor him in.

In your boat, id plan a grown up Christmas just the two of you, and do "Christmas" when you have your dcs back with you.

DB and BIL had one year they were going to be alone as they had a holiday that meant they were flying into the UK on Christmas eve late at night, not getting home until early hours of Christmas morning so ruled themselves out of family get togethers. DB bought in lots of party food for the freezer and they spent the day eating canapés, watch Christmas TV and having such a lovely time that they have ruled themselves out of family Christmases for the last few years. We now all get together on boxing day. Works much better.

@MargosKaftan

OP - your MIL and SIL have a family tradition. Your DP hasn't been part of Christmas with them for years so they have built their own plans without him.

It is actually rather rude to have not been available for years and expected SIL to host MIL, then this year when DP is free, want them to factor him in.

In your boat, id plan a grown up Christmas just the two of you, and do "Christmas" when you have your dcs back with you.

DB and BIL had one year they were going to be alone as they had a holiday that meant they were flying into the UK on Christmas eve late at night, not getting home until early hours of Christmas morning so ruled themselves out of family get togethers. DB bought in lots of party food for the freezer and they spent the day eating canapés, watch Christmas TV and having such a lovely time that they have ruled themselves out of family Christmases for the last few years. We now all get together on boxing day. Works much better.

How is it rude not to host your mum on Christmas Day when you’re working? Should he call in sick?

SIL is not "hosting" MIL. They are going to a restaurant. It sounds like they hoped MIL would "host", if anyone.
It's a shame they haven't included you and I understand that you are a bit upset. Have they attempted to add you? If they can't I would just enjoy a relaxing day and invite them over on Boxing Day or New Year.

Table will probably only be booked for 2/3 hrs

So ask if they would like to come over to yours before or after

Are you local to each other

Or enjoy 25 together and see if free Boxing Day

@ShinyMe

Is there any reason why you can't say "ooh, that sounds lovely! We're actually free this year for once, would you mind if we joined you?"

This. How was your MIL to know your partner was off work when he normally works ? YABU.

I gather your partners mother just organised the group that's usually together and just didn't think to factor you in. Would they be open to booking somewhere else that can fit you all? If not I'd make the most of it, maybe book a restaurant for the 2 of you and then chill out together for the evening.

It does seem rude for them not to ask you and your partner, since they knew you were free... Could she have forgotten or misunderstood?

You'll just have to make the best of it. Maybe you can see your family or your partner's sometime near Christmas, then spend the actual day doing something unusual, so you won't just be sitting at home feeling disappointed and lonely. At the least, I'd plan some unusually nice food. It's just the two of you, so you can really splurge. Look for a nice restaurant, if you don't want to cook.

Could you suggest you would look for a restaurant that could accommodate you all, and if you find one, that they’d all go with that and cancel their original booking?

My il’s have form for this too.

I’d always invite, even if I know they won’t come. They assume we won’t be able to (only ones with young kids/working full time) so don’t bother inviting. Then when we tell them they should have said something because we are free, it’s oh sorry we didn’t think you’d be able to come.

Mind they rarely offer invites at all. You’re supposed to somehow know they’ve planned big events like significant birthdays or anniversaries, i think they all think someone else will have mentioned it. Then act all surprised with didn’t sil/mil/cousin say something? Everyone knows… when we’ve double booked or it’s too late to sort days off/babysitters.

I’d have a nice quiet christmas o/p. Or even go on holiday if funds allow.

She's snubbed you. Basically it's time to make your own Christmas traditions with your DH. Plan yourself the best fuck off Christmas ever.

This may sound harsh, but take charge of your own happiness, and try and see the opportunity in this.

I'd be hurt too. It's difficult not to take it too personally but she is the shitty one, not you, or your DP.

Sorry people have been so nasty and rude @Nahhh

As you can't be added on as they're full, could you ask MIL if you could pop around to see them later on in the day, and have a few hours with them, (and maybe stay overnight so you can have a drink or 10!)

I doubt she has done it on purpose, probably didn't think you'd be interested maybe?