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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset MIL hasn’t invited us for Christmas?

69 replies

Nahhh · 25/09/2021 18:53

DP is usually working Christmas but this year he’s off. My DC are with their dad and I was feeling pretty down about not seeing them.

DP messaged his mum today to see what she was planning so we could arrange to do something together and it turns out she’s booked a restaurant for her, DSIL, DNiece and DP’s grandparents without thinking of asking us.

AIBU to feel a little hurt?

OP posts:

ketchupman · 25/09/2021 19:45

Consider it a blessing and an opportunity to spend Christmas with your DP doing exactly what you both want. It might not happen again!

Original poster

Nahhh · 25/09/2021 19:49

Maybe I’m weird, exactly what I want is a big family Christmas with several generations all enjoying each other’s company.

I can’t see my family this year, I can’t even see my kids. I’m just feeling down.

OP posts:

MalagaNights · 25/09/2021 19:49

She can't read minds.

Did she know you wouldn't have the kids?
Might she presume you'd like to be together?
Maybe they planned this last Christmas before they knew about your DH?

Or maybe they hate you so much they can't bear to have lunch with you.

Id you with the first options unless there is further evidence of the last.

TheBeautifulMoors · 25/09/2021 19:50

Surely, she’s just gone ahead and booked to spend it with those she’s usually with?
I mean you could’ve still included her even if your husband was working as you’re family IMO.
Just spend it with your DH

godmum56 · 25/09/2021 19:52

@Nahhh

Maybe I’m weird, exactly what I want is a big family Christmas with several generations all enjoying each other’s company.

I can’t see my family this year, I can’t even see my kids. I’m just feeling down.

well you know what they say....

MalagaNights · 25/09/2021 19:53

Ah it's ok to feel disappointed.

Plan a boxing day thing for the big family feel.

Enjoy the quiet day as much as you can, you may be surprised how much you love it.

And you're not weird. In RL lots of people enjoy family Christmas' it's a very MN thing to insist seeing no one is just the best way to celebrate.

godmum56 · 25/09/2021 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Original poster

Nahhh · 25/09/2021 19:54

Thanks everyone for your replies. Tbh this thread is just starting to make me feel even worse now. The whole “maybe she just hates you” thing has cut a bit close to the bone. I’m going to hide it.

Just to be clear though, she knew he was off, she knew my kids were away, she knew we wanted to see them, she’s decided to go ahead and arrange things without us anyway.

OP posts:

Lunificent · 25/09/2021 19:54

Go abroad.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 25/09/2021 19:58

also i tell you what..... I bet you are making your DP feel TERRIFIC....not

What the hell is this meant to mean? What have I missed?

LanisHouseLot · 25/09/2021 19:58

It sucks, but you can't control how others behave. Take a moment to feel rubbish, then focus on what you can do to make sure you have the nicest Christmas that you can under the circumstances.

Brollywasntneededafterall · 25/09/2021 19:58

A Christmas with no relatives? Some people's dream op...
Make your own special day!!

Spikeyplants · 25/09/2021 20:06

Invite them all to yours and celebrate on Boxing day instead.

Cakeandcardio · 25/09/2021 20:08

It could feel lonely if you look forward to your normal Christmas but if you change your outlook from now, you could make it a really special day as others have said with a nice walk and lots of treats and wine etc. There's no need to cook a big dinner - just put some lovely treat foods in the oven and watch a film or read a nice book. Then have a day with family another time. Hope you have a lovely time regardless

nyktipolos · 25/09/2021 20:11

So at the start of the thread you were disappointed.

Now, she knew he was off, knew you wanted to spend it with her but just booked anyway. Neither of those quit important bits of information made it into the op?

Then the o ly other obvious answer is that she doesn't want to spend it with you. And surely, you must know of a reason why she would avoid spending Christmas with her son and his partner.

GemmaRuby · 25/09/2021 20:14

I’d be upset too.
Do that group of people always spend Xmas together? Even so I think they should have asked you and DP if they knew you were available. Particularly as they’re going out so there’s no limitations on space at the dinner table etc.

What does your DP think?

BornIn78 · 25/09/2021 20:14

Do you normally arrange to do something together at Christmas with your MIL?

I get the impression you don't normally include her in your Christmas, but now because it suits you and you're at a loose end, you want to be included in hers.

FizzyPink · 25/09/2021 20:15

God no, I would love to be in this situation! Just you and DP sounds like a fabulous Christmas to me!

Original poster

Nahhh · 25/09/2021 20:18

People on here are so unkind. I apologise for not succinctly describing the situation. Just because I added the details later it doesn’t make them untrue.

I forgot that people spend their evenings on here looking for people to attack. I should be kept myself to myself

OP posts:

HeddaGarbled · 25/09/2021 20:23

If you don’t usually include them in your Christmas plans, it seems a little unreasonable to expect them to include you in their plans this year just because your circumstances are different from normal.

NotYourCupOfTea · 25/09/2021 20:24

How about Christmas on Boxing Day with them and invite them all to you?
Then quiet day with dh on Christmas Day itself?

I think some posters are being really unfair I would be upset too

unlikelytobe · 25/09/2021 20:27

If it's not possible to join the main dinner maybe you can meet up with them for part of the day - mince pies, glass of sherry! Otherwise, make the most of a cosy Christmas with your DP or get away somewhere, UK or abroad, to make it different. All is not lost!

MushMonster · 25/09/2021 20:29

@fuzzymoomin

She probably assumed you would have your kids and would stay at home with them? Instead of being upset about it why not suggest that you join them!

I bet you she thought this! Shame the restaurant is already fully booked! What about a get together on Chrustmas Eve or Boxing Day? An a romantic Christmas only for you two. You can get some nice food, some candles, and some drinks. Or book another restaurant on your own?

SuperCaliFragalistic · 25/09/2021 20:32

You're coming across as quite needy. Just relax and see your PIL another day.

PinkTonic · 25/09/2021 20:33

@Nahhh

People on here are so unkind. I apologise for not succinctly describing the situation. Just because I added the details later it doesn’t make them untrue.

I forgot that people spend their evenings on here looking for people to attack. I should be kept myself to myself

It was mean of her not to include you if she knew you were free, and I’d expect your husband to mention it to her. We normally have big Christmas celebrations but a couple of years ago for various reasons we were just the two of us and I booked a really nice restaurant and we had a lovely day. Could you do something like that and have a family Christmas on a different day?

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