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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House living arrangement

38 replies

birdbybird · 25/09/2021 17:52

My husband and I are renting. We have a small child. My husband and I split rent and all bills.
My husband’s sister lives in a house he owns, the mortgage for which is paid off . His sister pays bills but she doesn’t pay any rent to my husband.
He doesn’t want to kick her out as she’s lived there for 20 years. However she can’t afford to rent the whole house. And we can’t sell it or get any equity.
Some of my husband’s stuff is still there but he only goes there about once ever couple of months for the weekend to visit his parents.
What can we do in this situation? At the moment we can’t access any equity from the house.

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 25/09/2021 17:57

I don’t know what you want to suggest unfortunately. His sister can’t afford to rent there, so either he allows her to live rent free or he asks her to move out. If he doesn’t want to ask her to leave then that’s the end of it surely. But it’s between them.

Notaroadrunner · 25/09/2021 17:58

Your Dh needs to put his family of you and dc first, give his sister notice to leave and either you move in or sell in order to buy a house for yourselves. He certainly doesn't owe her a fucking thing given she's had it rent free all these years. I'd be livid if dh put his siblings financial security above our own.

LateDecemberBackInLowB12 · 25/09/2021 17:59

Your dh needs to start thinking about his child.

You are worse off because of his generosity towards his sister.

His sister has never had a reason to work more, or to claim any benefits she is entitled to, because she doesn't have rent to pay.

In this situation I would be giving her 3-6 months notice that she has to move, and either you move in, or sell the house.

JustLyra · 25/09/2021 18:02

I assume by your comment about equity mortgaging the house and using the money to buy somewhere outright for yourselves is out of the question?

What is your husband's suggestion?

Why can't she afford to rent the house - is it too big or because of the area or her circumstances?

Is there a cultural expectation that your husband will provide for his sister or is it just something that happened?

Rubytinsleslippers · 25/09/2021 18:06

Put the house up for sale. His sister has either saved a fortune in paying no rent for 20 years and can buy it from him or buy / rent somewhere else. The arrangement no longer suits anyone but her. No one expects to live rent free for 20 years. And why the hell has this been ok?

GoodnightGrandma · 25/09/2021 18:07

She needs to pay rent so that you can then pay for repairs etc

Elieza · 25/09/2021 18:17

This sounds similar to other posts recently about how the man of the family is liable to provide for the rest of the younger siblings, who then sit on their lazy carcasses and just expect stuff.

I think it was a religious or cultural thing.

It would be better for you to swap houses with the sister. She lives in the rented property and claims benefits so it’s effectively free, and you move into the house you own as there is no rent to pay there.

Seems the most logical thing to do.

Original poster
birdbybird · 25/09/2021 18:26

My husband is confused and this is causing friction between us.
She started living there when she was in her 20s and my husband’s work took him to far flung places around the world so he used the house as a base. However we’ve lived together for the last 6 years. He said he thought she’d eventually find a partner and move out but it’s been 20 years and it hasn’t happened.
There’s no cultural reason for him to do this.
The house is big for one person.
It’s not in the same city as us and it’s not somewhere we want to live.
The equity mortgage (I think) is based on how much rent you get… right now the rent is zero.

OP posts:
MiddlesexGirl · 25/09/2021 18:27

Help her to find somewhere to rent locally that she can afford - either through her own income or benefits. Sell or move into your house.
If the house is too big for her then presumably you could move into it straight away and save yourself the rent.

mrsbitaly · 25/09/2021 18:27

Absolutely unreasonable that the sister is living rent free for so long. Surely she would have saved some money due to this. There's a house sat right there mortgage paid and your both having to pay rent on another property!!!!!!!

I completely understand he's got his sisters best interests at heart but wouldn't it be better for you to sell the house and even though I think it's wrong but pay for the sisters rent in another property.

MadeOfStarStuff · 25/09/2021 18:30

The obvious answer is that DH isn’t responsible for his sister so needs to prioritise his own family (you and his child) by making her leave, but if he won’t do that then there’s not much else you can do

Original poster
birdbybird · 25/09/2021 18:30

It’s not a cultural or religious thing. Maybe a sense of obligation for some weird reason. She’s a bit older than my husband (so not a younger sibling).

OP posts:
Original poster
birdbybird · 25/09/2021 18:34

I think for a few months or years is ok but for this to be an indefinite arrangement is crazy (to me). Plus we would have to pay second home stamp duty if we buy anywhere because he already has a house (which his sister lives in)! So it’s very frustrating.

OP posts:
Elieza · 25/09/2021 18:38

Help find her somewhere local to rent and you move into his house yourselves.

JustLyra · 25/09/2021 18:43

@birdbybird

My husband is confused and this is causing friction between us. She started living there when she was in her 20s and my husband’s work took him to far flung places around the world so he used the house as a base. However we’ve lived together for the last 6 years. He said he thought she’d eventually find a partner and move out but it’s been 20 years and it hasn’t happened. There’s no cultural reason for him to do this. The house is big for one person. It’s not in the same city as us and it’s not somewhere we want to live. The equity mortgage (I think) is based on how much rent you get… right now the rent is zero.
The equity would only be based on rent for a buy-to-let mortgage. There are other options that your DH could look into.

Firstly though, your DH has to decide what he's going to do regarding his sister. Is he going to ask her to leave or to pay rent? What is their plan for the future? Has she been saving?

There's no point in people giving you advice on mortgages and the likes if he's simply not prepared to do anything regarding his sister.

Elieza · 25/09/2021 19:08

Does the sister have any money? Does she work?

Cherrysoup · 25/09/2021 19:14

Does your husband want to sell? He’ll need to give her notice, even tho there can’t be an AST in place. If she refuses to go, he will need to go to court. Can she afford to rent somewhere smaller?

RandomMess · 25/09/2021 19:36

If she can't afford to rent then she needs to move to a cheaper area/earn more/apply for benefits.

She may have to lower her standards and move into a house share.

He could sell it and choose to give her some money towards renting somewhere different as a one off but at some point in time she need ms to take on full adult responsibility for herself.

Original poster
birdbybird · 25/09/2021 19:53

I don't think it will go to court. I think she's sensible enough to realise that my husband may have used it as a base for some years but for 6 years its been her on her own.
My SIL works but the salary is quite modest. My husband doesn't want to sell but he has to think about what will happen if we buy somewhere and then at some point in the future he does decide to sell that property. In which case he may not get the primary residence tax relief.

Thanks all... (although one or two have been unnecessarily bordering on rude. Someone said "no point people giving you advice on mortgages..." I wasn't asking for financial advice on mortgages. Simply responding to an early question. My original post was a bit ranty so perhaps posting here wasn't a good idea.)

I'm happy to consider this thread closed.

OP posts:
Brollywasntneededafterall · 25/09/2021 19:56

Air B & B a few rooms? Sil can hardly complain if you need to make some money given she isn't paying any rent...

JustLyra · 25/09/2021 20:24

@birdbybird

I don't think it will go to court. I think she's sensible enough to realise that my husband may have used it as a base for some years but for 6 years its been her on her own. My SIL works but the salary is quite modest. My husband doesn't want to sell but he has to think about what will happen if we buy somewhere and then at some point in the future he does decide to sell that property. In which case he may not get the primary residence tax relief.

Thanks all... (although one or two have been unnecessarily bordering on rude. Someone said "no point people giving you advice on mortgages..." I wasn't asking for financial advice on mortgages. Simply responding to an early question. My original post was a bit ranty so perhaps posting here wasn't a good idea.)

I'm happy to consider this thread closed.

There was nothing rude in my statement "no point in giving advice on mortgages" @birdbybird

It was quite clear my point was that there was no point in that if your husband wasn't prepared to do anything with regard to the house or his sister then the issue you have is a DH issue rather than a financial one.

JustLyra · 25/09/2021 20:25

And the reason I mentioned mortgages at all was your comment about rent and equity mortgages - there are a lot of other options beyond that one.

Good luck.

HairyScaryMonster · 25/09/2021 22:01

I’d suggest offering for her to stay at x rent and encourage her to get a lodger or two.

Twofurrycats · 25/09/2021 22:22

You have a few choices.
Tell her you are selling.
Charge her rent. If she is on a low income is she entitled to uc rent element.
Suggest she shares with someone and they both pay rent.
Personally I'd go for selling. Otherwise you might end up in difficulty with her paying a low rent/not paying.

XenoBitch · 25/09/2021 22:27

Getting the the sister to apply for UC housing element is no good. She might not get it as this arrangement may be seen as a "contrived tenancy". If she has been living rent free for years already, then chances of getting housing benefit are next to nil.
I am living in this scenario myself (I am the tenant).