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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House living arrangement

38 replies

birdbybird · 25/09/2021 17:52

My husband and I are renting. We have a small child. My husband and I split rent and all bills.
My husband’s sister lives in a house he owns, the mortgage for which is paid off . His sister pays bills but she doesn’t pay any rent to my husband.
He doesn’t want to kick her out as she’s lived there for 20 years. However she can’t afford to rent the whole house. And we can’t sell it or get any equity.
Some of my husband’s stuff is still there but he only goes there about once ever couple of months for the weekend to visit his parents.
What can we do in this situation? At the moment we can’t access any equity from the house.

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 25/09/2021 22:38

Well, it’s his property so it’s his choice really.
I’d just get on and buy somewhere. Ideally buy a place yourself, as then you don’t have the second hone stamp duty or later CGT concern. Even if you can’t afford to buy without him, he’s surely made a huge amount of money on the value of the house in 20 years? So even if you do now have to pay extra stamp duty, you’re still quids in on overall finances. It would certainly annoy me too - but he made those decisions years before he met you. You could suggest that he sell and buy a smaller property outright and support her in the same way still - but freeing up the remaining money from the sale as a deposit on another house. You still get the second home issue, overall he’d be paying less mortgage because of the bigger deposit.

KingdomScrolls · 25/09/2021 22:44

If she hasn't saved a sizeable amount of money in twenty years without rent to pay, that's her fault, even on NMW you'd be able to save enough to have a good savings pot after two decades of free housing. She's taking the piss.

Cocomarine · 25/09/2021 23:01

@KingdomScrolls

If she hasn't saved a sizeable amount of money in twenty years without rent to pay, that's her fault, even on NMW you'd be able to save enough to have a good savings pot after two decades of free housing. She's taking the piss.
Unfair to say she’s taking the piss! For all we know, her brother only has to say, “I’m going to sell up sis” and she’ll say, “OK”. He chose to let her live in the house, and plenty of families share their good fortune around each other. It sounds like he’s wealthier than her if he’s managed to pay off a mortgage - and he’s kindly shared the love around. I’d reserve judgment on her pisstaking until he actually asks her to move out!
Elieza · 25/09/2021 23:33

She won’t get housing benefit if she’s staying in the house if a family member.

Hence she needs to find somewhere else. Then she can apply.

Notimeforaname · 26/09/2021 00:10

Get another lodger to move in and pay some rent.

KingdomScrolls · 26/09/2021 07:49

@Cocomarine no one lives in someone's house for twenty years without paying rent and with no obvious plan to move on without being a CF

TweetyPieBird · 26/09/2021 08:47

Why are you renting (paying someone else’s mortgage) when DH has a house his owns outright? You should move there and that’s an excuse to kick sil out. She needs to rent elsewhere.

user1471538283 · 26/09/2021 08:51

He needs to sell that house so his family can settle somewhere. If you are in a position to do so I would get my own home and leave him to it.

Thehop · 26/09/2021 09:01

What does your husband want to do?

LawnFever · 26/09/2021 09:06

Can’t you move into the house as a family? It’s his house, renting somewhere else is crazy!

His sister needs to move out and either buy something with all the money she’s saved in rent or rent her own house, the fact she’s lived for 20 years paying no rent is ridiculous!

Where do your in laws live? You mention your husband visiting them? Do they live near his house where the sister currently lives?

Elieza · 26/09/2021 11:23

I’m presuming the OP used to live in the house with his sister. When a partner came along the OP moved out to be with them and the sister remained behind.

The only thing we don’t know is if family money paid for the deposit on the original house, or even all of it.

If that’s the case then the sister could get some of that money as then it’s fair. Presumably. Then they both have benefitted equally from family money.

That could be done by the OP as monthly rent payments towards the sisters rent (if she rents a nice house/flat which her housing benefit won’t completely cover.

Or the OP could make contributions to the sister’s mortgage payments if she has enough earnings that a mortgage company would give get a mortgage.

Or if the OP wanted to pay a lump sum as a deposit on a mortgage to help her (as opposed to giving her cash as that could invalidate her eligibility for means tested benefits).

I don’t imagine for one second the sister will have thought about being kicked out and doubt she will have any savings.

The OP needs to speak with her ASAP to see what her thoughts are.

Cocomarine · 26/09/2021 23:44

The OP doesn’t need speak to her SIL. Her husband does.

Elieza · 27/09/2021 14:46

Agreed. I meant the husband as this is his problem to sort!

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