To feel really down about myself..

[namechangedaily]

I had a baby on Monday after having a difficult hyperemesis pregnancy that really took its toll on me mentally.
I'm happy she's here and the pregnancy is over but I just feel so shit about myself. I look so gaunt and unwell, I can't even remember how I used to dress and all I seem to have left is frumpy tunics.. I had my hair cut when I was pregnant and they made a right mess now I'm stuck with a fringe I can't seem to tame. I just feel like crying.. I got rid of a lot of clothes in lockdown I can't even remember what they were but I'm kicking myself thinking have I given all my nice clothes away.. I don't even have nice shoes anymore just scuffed trainers.. I just don't know where "i've" gone. I'm not working so can't afford new clothes. I don't want to see people as I feel I have nothing to wear and just look hideous. Pic of me when I last felt confident vs pic on me now with my shitty fringe.
Has anyone else felt this way?

I too was in my dressing gown - for weeks :-).

Do you think it's a mental health issue with me? I'm just obsessing over this fringe and over the fact I've got no nice clothes. Just constantly looking back at old photos thinking who did I used to be. I'm crying all the time it's so silly

How many years are there between the photos ?

Don’t worry about your fringe if you want to grow it out it’ll grow quick and you could make it into ‘curtain bangs’ while it’s growing out I think that would really suit you x

It does seem like you're fixating on the fringe a bit. It's just a fringe! It looks fine. It'll grow. And everyone has times when they hate everything in their wardrobe.

The worry about the fringe and the clothes do seem to be overwhelming you a bit. Do you think there's also an element where you're trying to process the huge change in your life now your little one has arrived? And maybe some of this is displacement anxiety/stress about that? It is a lot to get your head around and you are only five days in so it's all still brand new.

But equally, I remember going to buy some trousers that fit when I had my eldest. I had put on quite a bit of weight and nothing apart from maternity wear fit me. It was such a depressing experience, nothing looked right. My body didn't feel like my own. I feel ya. x

omg whattt you're so pretty!! and adorbs little baby!!

I’m doing cbt for anxiety and it does sound a bit like fixation/regret obsession. I really understand the bit about worrying you’ve got rid of old clothes and obsessing over your fringe. That sense of something being ruined. You honestly look beautiful now as you did before (truly I’m not just saying that) and looking in I can see you’ve got it all a bit out of proportion. It really could be your hormones setting of some anxious thought patterns. If it continues I would recommend Cbt.

@NChope that's exactly what I mean the way I'm obsessing about it is beyond normal. I keep telling myself why would I have given them away if I wanted it would've worn them but then there's another voice I can't shut up that's saying what did you do that for you would've worn them you were just stupid and that's the voice I can't shut up.. it's the same voice that's telling me I shouldn't have got my fringe cut and regretting it x

I genuinely feel as though I am going a bit mad x

Maybe mention it to your health visitor or GP.

@namechangedaily yes I think we can all feel a bit regretful but when you start fixating and can’t think about anything else it could be anxiety. Just tell yourself you are getting things out of proportion. Stand back and see that your brain is just caught in a negative loop. You can self refer for therapy if you need it on the nhs or if you can afford it you can do private online sessions. But maybe coming on here and getting the Mumsnet perspective may help. It feels real I know (the worries about the clothes and the fringe) but there’s actually no issue. If you can, try not to look at old photos to prove to yourself you are right or wrong. In my experience that can just trigger the worries and feed the fixation! Nothing has happened you are fine and you have a new lovely baby. Try some breathing exercises and focus on the new bundle of joy in your life. Look after yourself and ask for help if needed. Sending you so much support as worrying sucks!!

You look lovely and exactly like the other photo, except you’ve got make up and party clothes in that photo…and you’ve just ha a baby in the other!!

I felt like a sack of shit after having my babies, and I was ever so down on myself and thought I was a fat, hideous mess (also had no money for clothes and a haircut I regretted). But when I look back at photos I looked lovey, young and just a bit tired (to be expected!).

Don’t obsess about what you look like. Honestly, these baby weeks and months fly by. You’ll wish you weren’t so hard on yourself.

You kook awesome !!!!
Congratulations
Be kind to yourself and just try to relax and enjoy xxxx

OP I know you posted before about the fringe.

Lovely baby ! Lovely photo!

The fringe will grow but in the meantime you can style it. Experiment curling it out of the way. As it grows longer you will feel better I know it. I've been there !

@NChope thank you ❤️ I am wonder if it is anxiety and my way of trying to control a situation I feel out of control of? I probably have got rid of a few things that I might've worn again but then I obviously had my reasons for not keeping them and although my fringe is irritating now like someone said by spring it'll have grown. I think I have got some kind of fixation problem as rather than spending my first week enjoying my new baby and making the most of DH not being at work I've literally just sat and spent hours on end looking through old photos trying to see if there are any clues as to what I was wearing and trying to work out how long it took my fringe to grow to certain lengths last time I had one and then just crying.. it's not normal? x

It's perfectly normal.... you are tired and there's a lot of responsibility on your shoulders. I felt like the whole world was having a great time except me and it was winter and cold and dark and I felt awful.... with my second baby it was very different. I knew what was coming, I gave myself a break and just lent into it. Lived in my dressing gown... leggings and hoodies trainers and it was so much easier second time around. I enjoyed my baby, I knew it wouldn't last long and before I knew it I was off out and seeing friends and feeling good again.

Just be easy on your self.... this feeling won't last forever. Talk to other mums if you can. They'll feel the same

I hear you @namechangedaily. I can just imagine the panicky feeling as you look through the photos. It’s such a new situation you are in. This may pass quickly. If not it probably is worth a chat with your gp or health visitor. Sending you best wishes. If you are able try not to listen to the negative voice. It’s talking rubbish! Try to counteract with all the good things you have going on. Keep going you will get there. Xx

@FortyAndDone no years between the photos, the one where I look nice was this Christmas just gone! I feel like the pregnancy took its toll on me so much x

This is my wardrobe..