Scared of intruders

[Nibblypiggotonabus]

So this has been exacerbated by watching Manhunt but it dawned on me last night that I have spent years panicking and scared to go to sleep straight away for fear of someone breaking into the house. I eventually succumb to sleep but the thoughts and subsequent adrenaline keeps me awake often.

I have no idea where this comes from. Every creak, noise I attribute to some nefarious nutcase.

I'm mid 30's and feel utterly ridiculous for stressing about every rattle of a window or creak on the stairs.

Am I the only one? AIBU?

I can't do a vote as it's on an app...

I had this really badly from when I was about 10 until only a couple of years ago (I’m 20). I think I was just watching and reading things too scary for me

@Bagelsandbrie

I am terrified of things like this. I think it comes from living in a rough area of south London (not far from the manhunt night stalker stuff actually) and it being fairly common for stuff like that to actually happen. I had one friend who was 24 and living alone when she woke up in the night to find a man inches away from her face. She screamed very loudly and amazingly he just ran off. One of the things that made my blood run cold about it though (well lots of things but you know) was that she was very short sighted and he’d taken her glasses off her bedside table and thrown them from the window so she wouldn’t be able to see. Horrible stuff.

I now live in a very low crime area, but I genuinely think if I didn’t have dh I’d actually fit several locks onto the inside of my bedroom door. Dh always stays up much later than me and is a much lighter sleeper so I’m confident he’d wake up.

Never google or read about the BTK killer in USA. Dennis Raider I think his name is. He used to hide in families cupboards when they went out and then emerge. Just gives me nightmares just thinking about it.

@bagelsandbrie that's plenty thanks, no need for anymore info. Fucking hell 😵‍💫

I also had a night time intruder once and reacted in a less than ideal way. Actually, in a completely stupid way, I did not expect such behaviour from myself.
I still cannot get over that incident, and I did not even know there's therapy for that.

You don’t know what you’ll do until you are faced with it. Example - my gran at 60 something heard a noise and in her panic grabbed a broom, went downstairs, and then thrashed the intruder so badly he sprained his leg and couldn’t leave. I came downstairs due to the noise, realised it was a kid from my class, and we called his mum who thrashed him some more and then dragged him out.

My Dad in a similar situation calmly locked the main bedroom door, text my brother not to come home due to the intruder, and pressed the panic alarm. The police arrived just as the intruder tried to break the door down (he was after jewellry so would probably have hurt my parents) so they managed to catch him.

This is one of my worst nightmares, and I would never, ever live without a dog.

Ive had one attempted break in and one actual break in. I live alone in a nice house in a nice area. It is extremely unusual for robbers to continue breaking in when they hear a building is occupied. Generally they run off because they dont know who it is or how many people are there. Their chances of being caught increase 50% when breaking into an occupied building because they themselves can be overpowered. It was like they had "inside" knowledge that I was an elderly single person.

I now have a fully functioning security system with cctv and panic alarms in every room. I still dont feel fully secure. I test the alarm every couple of weeks so that any one with "insider" knowledge now knows there is a very loud alarm. Ive told several neighbours that it goes direct to the local police and that I have to test it every 4 weeks and then send a code or police will arrrive.

Masked men kicked in my kitchen door and beat me up demanding money. Unfortunately for them I dont keep cash in the house, own any expensive jewellery, a car or a smart phone. I was amazingly calm when I confronted them. I pointed out that most of my neighbours own gold jewellery, smart cars and expensive phones so I suggested next time they pick one of them.

They ran off with nothing.

I agree op, I’m like it too. We have cctv cameras. We don’t have a dog, but we do keep a heavy duty looking lead hanging up in the porch, moving it occasionally across hooks.
One of the best things that helps me is having Hue light bulbs that I can control from my phone in almost all the lights. If I hear a noise I can turn all the lights on.
We have absolutely nothing worth stealing. Cars are 10 years old, no jewellery, big telly but nothing worth breaking in for.
I want to set up Alexa like I have seen on the net, where you say “Alexa, Intruder Alert” and she turns all the lights to flashing red and plays “welcome to the jungle”, robot hoover comes out to attack the ankles of intruders. But worry I would be too scared to get the words out.

Noisy dogs are the answer, I'm alone a lot (DH works away) and had a really nasty experience a few years ago so it takes a lot to make me feel safe. Two vicious-sounding bull breeds has done the trick nicely, you'd need a death wish to try breaking in here

One of my friends & her son woke up to two masked men stood over them with baseball bats demanding their car keys. Their cars were nothing flashy, just a bog standard Toyota Yaris & a Vauxhall Corsa. She ended up moving when her son left home, she is still traumatised ten years later.

Since I moved into my house, I've had all exterior doors and windows replaced/uprated - they needed doing anyway - and that helps me feel safe. No-one but me has, or has ever had the chance to copy keys.

I don't have any expensive kit in the garden to tempt anyone.
I have gravel all around the house and I sleep with a top window open so I can hear if anyone approaches. Plus I have motion sensor lights all round to discourage anyone. When I retire, I'll buy a dog to go with the dog bowl I already have.

There are a lot of simple things you can do to turn the odds in your favour.

I only have those intrusive thoughts if I have seen a horror movie. Seeing Paranormal Activity in the cinema, years ago, made me keep the lights on in my bedroom during the nights for about 2 weeks, until I finally managed let go of my irrational fear. After seeing The Hills have Eyes I was scared to cycle or walk past the forest near my home after dark for months! I avoid seeing scary movies or reading scary books before bedtime and only view / read them in broad daylight.

Perhaps you can keep a small night light on in your bedroom? Amazon has many of those including ones with a more ‘adult’ design. Drinking chamomile tea before bed can also help you to relax and stop worrying.

I can’t sleep without my dogs

When we go away I sleep much worse knowing they aren’t there. They both sleep at the front door blocking the stairs by choice. They are ‘guarding’ breeds though.

Not sure how none dog people sleep at all

@simitra

Ive had one attempted break in and one actual break in. I live alone in a nice house in a nice area. It is extremely unusual for robbers to continue breaking in when they hear a building is occupied. Generally they run off because they dont know who it is or how many people are there. Their chances of being caught increase 50% when breaking into an occupied building because they themselves can be overpowered. It was like they had "inside" knowledge that I was an elderly single person.

I now have a fully functioning security system with cctv and panic alarms in every room. I still dont feel fully secure. I test the alarm every couple of weeks so that any one with "insider" knowledge now knows there is a very loud alarm. Ive told several neighbours that it goes direct to the local police and that I have to test it every 4 weeks and then send a code or police will arrrive.

Masked men kicked in my kitchen door and beat me up demanding money. Unfortunately for them I dont keep cash in the house, own any expensive jewellery, a car or a smart phone. I was amazingly calm when I confronted them. I pointed out that most of my neighbours own gold jewellery, smart cars and expensive phones so I suggested next time they pick one of them.

They ran off with nothing.

I’m sorry you went through this. How terrifying.

@etherealbeauty

I used to be exactly the same, I would stay awake every night. Then I got a dog and it's stopped completely as I know she would bark like crazy if anyone even got to the door or window

This I have 3 labradors - I pity the person who tries to break in, I also have cctv and a ring doorbell

It’s a natural fear OP, we all feel vulnerable occasionally and it can be an intense feeling!
I’m alone a lot of the time. I have brand new windows and patio doors, very secure. CCTV outside the main entrance. If anyone gets past that they won’t have an easy time. I’m a kick-boxer with a large weapon collection (several large swords hidden inside a sofa for example), air rifle hand gun (looks scary and stings) and pepper spray (bear spray) and a taser. Taser is a last resort thing as it’s vicious. I feel safer knowing I have them. I have a string of decorative noisy bells on my door too, anyone opens the door, the jangling sound is audible everywhere in the house so I’d have some warning the door is open to grab the bear spray and cover my face (I don’t want to spray myself 🤣).

Do what you need to to feel safe. I’m a rape survivor (rape in my own bedroom which left me injured badly) so I get it, I do. Learn self defence, arm yourself, do whatever makes you feel comfortable. Don’t enter into a physical fight you can’t win unless you believe your life is in danger. If someone wants my sports car for example, he can fucking have it if he just leaves! If he ignores that and comes for me or DD, I will be ready with spray, taser and rifle 🤷‍♀️

@Menofsteel if your weapons collection is as you say (and you are in the UK), you are risking a prison sentence.

@RoseRedRoseBlue some of what I have is questionable I’m aware of that. The bladed weapons are a “collection of antiques” so ok to an extent. I just happen to own a sharpening stone too. Nothing is ever out on display except a few antique daggers it’s all places I can get to it. Anyone can buy tasers and spray on Wish! It’s quite shocking when you think about it!

I'd risk a prison sentence if it meant keeping my family safe @RoseRedRoseBlue
Rational thinking would go out the window

I think posters like @Menofsteel know unfortunately from experience how dangerous even just being asleep in your own bed can be (as a woman) if the wrong type of person decides to target your home on a certain night. I completely understand that desire to protect herself and her child.

I am not saying that desire to protect family is wrong, but I am not sure it necessitates a Taser. For starters, it’s far more likely to be used against the individual who owns it. Secondly, should she be caught with it, get a conviction and go to prison, who will care for her DD then?

It’s locked away and would only come out if I felt my or my dds life was in danger. As I’ve said, never commit yourself to a fight you won’t win unless you’re out of options. I stand by that. I don’t feel safe in my home anymore and know this colours my thinking. I wish it were different 😞

Yes, I totally get what you are saying, but it’s a s5 Firearm and you will be in serious, serious trouble if you are caught.

It seems we all fear this to a certain degree. Suppose it's the vulnerability of being unprepared or in the weaker position should something happen.
Some good tips on here that I can use, thanks.
Not able to get a dog though!

@wellards

And you actually stood on your porch screaming at 3am!! No wonder your child was crying 😐

OP @Henrysmycat is perfect example of what not to do

Oh fuck off, tell us what you did in a similar situation?

I was burgled when younger at uni during the day. I chased & swore after him, I even picked up a maglite & undoubtedly would have hit him. I was overcome with rage & adrenaline, how dare he.

Absolutely, it's not possible to know how you're going to react. I know all the theory about staying safe and contacting police, just like everyone else, but when the London riots in 2011 happened, and the shopping centre almost next door to my house was being looted, I was pregnant, home alone (DH was in the US) and flooded with adrenaline, sitting at the front window with a hurley in my hand and total fury on my mind.

(In fact, the shopkeepers from the shops on the street ended up repelling the looters before they got to my house -- they'd drafted in all their tough cousins and formed a small but highly effective army.)

Slightly different situation to an individual burglar, I realise, but I was taken aback at my own rage.

@Ozanj, I'm impressed by your granny.