To have told two nannies they were being lazy?

[Fireandsand]

I was at playground with my 2 year old DS earlier. It was quiet, just us, a man with his twin boys and two women, who I assume were nannies, with one boy each.

As soon as we got there, the two boys with the nannies started to follow my son around. Everything he went on, they went on and they would push past him. I told them to stop pushing a few times, they ignored me so DS and I just moved to another piece of equipment.

I looked over a few times to see if I could catch the eye of one of the nannies in the hope they might actually pay attention to the kids but they were deep in conversation.

To get some peace, my son and I went to the far side of the playground. Within a minute, the boys were there again, they chased my son and pushed him over. I told them to stop and go away and they laughed.

I went over to the nannies and told them what had happened, they shrugged and one said 'boys will be boys', so I said they were lazy and incompetent and that while they may not care If the kids grew up to be bullies, I'd hope the parents feel differently so if I ever see them, I'll be sure to let them know how useless their employees are. They said I was over reacting and should get used to it because that's just what playgrounds are like.

AIBU to have told them to do their jobs?

how old were the boys?

As the mother of 5 boys that "boys will be boys" BS makes me crazy!

Lazy nannies. I agree post on fb.

No-one, whether mother or nanny, watches their children constantly at the play park. Part of the whole point of going there with adult friends is that it is a safe place for the kids and the adults can relax a bit and chat. No-one would have a nanny if they were expected to only interact with their charges all day, as no-one would take the job.

Actually I would have thought the majority of parents do supervise their children pretty closely under a certain age. So that they don't behave badly towards other children, have other children behave badly towards them, fall and hurt themselves, wander off etc - you know basic safety and parenting type of stuff.

I didn't take my kids to the park so I could sit and natter with other parents while ignoring my kids, I took them so they could play and learn physical skills and become confident.

Supervising means keeping a close eye while allowing a level of freedom, being close enough to step in if necessary, but not so close you inhibit (although with very young ones You want to be close in case they fall off equipment and OPs child is only 2).

Sitting on a bench chatting isn't supervision. You can talk to friends - you just both need to be in the vicinity of the kids so they don't go about 'being boys' (code for I can't be arsed to parent my boy children so that they are kind and considerate)

@Fireandsand

Because the kids called them by their first names and the two women were talking about a friend who was looking for a new family to work for.

Wow - so you were listening into their conversation. Okay then.

@a8mint

how old were the boys?

Not sure but I'd say they were both 3.

Oh it's the childminders that annoy me. Take multiple kids to soft play and then let them run riot while they have a chitty chat and a brew or read a book! One boy pre covid was a nightmare for purposefully hitting the very young ones. I had to tell them a few times to watch him because he's just done XYZ. They would sit him at the side of them for a short time before he would be off again. They didn't explain to him why he had been given a time out from play etc. Just pure lazy! Cringe when I see childminder turn up en masse!

I discount anyone who trots out 'boys will be boys', as it tells me instantly they're too fucking lazy to deal with their children's behaviour appropriately.

@LukeEvansWife

Unfortunately I'd left my blindfold and noise cancelling headphones at home which are what I normally use to make sure I never passively see or hear anything in public that I don't need to.

They clearly haven't had safe guard training this year as the phrase 'boys will be boys' is actually referred to as a toxic reference that should not be said by those working with children!

YANBU We had this once at a kids farm. Some older kids (mainly boys) we’re behaving horribly towards my toddler while their nannies were sitting on a bench chatting. They then casually got up, called the kids and left. I wish I’d said something now but wasn’t 100% sure who the kids were with until they all left together. I have also worked as a nanny and many kids with nannies (not all) have the most awful, entitled behaviour.

@anonymousanne

Oh it's the childminders that annoy me. Take multiple kids to soft play and then let them run riot while they have a chitty chat and a brew or read a book! One boy pre covid was a nightmare for purposefully hitting the very young ones. I had to tell them a few times to watch him because he's just done XYZ. They would sit him at the side of them for a short time before he would be off again. They didn't explain to him why he had been given a time out from play etc. Just pure lazy! Cringe when I see childminder turn up en masse!

Didn't take long for the much anticipated childminder basher to appear . Continually rated outstanding and very good childminder here. I'm fully invested in making sure the children in my care have the best opportunities. Sometimes though I may have a cup of tea and a chat with another childminder, catch up with a parent or meet a new parent at soft play. Most times it's the only ten minutes I get to have someone to eat or drink in peace. I managed to keep them safe and happy without shadowing them the whole time but then I choose places where I can observe the whole play frame from the outside and it depends on the individual children I have that day and what is going on with them.... Not all childminders are lazy and looking for the opportunity to skive!

Honestly this is why I didn’t go much to soft play or play parks when my son’s were little.

Way, way too many unsupervised kids with lazy parents or childminders. I was sick of having to tell children I didn’t know to behave and stop hitting/kicking/chasing my son/screaming etc. I don’t think it’s a nanny only issue!

@RedMarauder

Post the nannies behaviour e.g. not watching their charges on your local Facebook group with a description of all their hair colours plus the children's approximate ages.

I'm sure the children's parents would like to know how the nannies aren't doing their jobs.

Fuck off with that, why does everything have to be taken to Facebook?

"and one said 'boys will be boys',"

Anyone who spouts crap like that generally are too lazy to deal with their child's bad behaviour so YANBU.

I don't think you would have spoken to another parent like that, so YABU - you felt able to because they were 'just' nannies.

@fourminutestosavetheworld

Actually, I would have said similar to parents and wouldn't have posted on AIBU because I would have been more confident about having done it.

I tend to punch up rather than down so was feeling uncomfortable about the situation and my reaction.

I looked over a few times to see if I could catch the eye of one of the nannies in the hope they might actually pay attention to the kids but they were deep in conversation.

No, not getting it - sounds like you were a distance away and yet still heard them

Anyway OP well done - you obviously did a brilliant thing. Did everyone in the park applaud?

I tend to punch up rather than down
You've lost me here. What the heck does this mean? You punched down to the lowly nanny so you feel bad?! V patronising I'm afraid.

Anyway, YABU. Unsupervised kids are annoying but your blood pressure is going to skyrocket if you continue to let them piss you off like this. It's really not that big of a deal. Tell the kids to scoot, and get on with your day. I say to my charges all the time - you can't control other people, only your reaction.

@ToastandJamandTea well great for you! I'm pleased to hear your taking it seriously and sit with a good view of all your children. I have no objection to childminders having a drink and or a chat if appropriate and in moderation (whilst doing the job of caring and watching). As a parent I don't get to switch off in public either just because my brew has arrived, I have to multitask and yes, sometimes said brew goes cold before drunk!
This isn't the case at our local soft play, and it's a weekly group so it's not something I have seen on a singular occasion. They work together actually, so sit together, play on their phones, read a book, chat to each other without moving from the seat to do a head count or check on all the little ones. If they have someone in their care that is known for being rough and aggressive then in my opinion they need to ensure that they are given extra monitoring/supervision. One kid hit three very young children in one session, he did not get removed, no one spent time with him explaining appropriate behaviour and no one spent time supervising him. Leaving me basically ensuring I kept my child and niece as far away from him as possible, which was extra work and stress for me, while they basically put their feet up 🤷🏼‍♀️

Perhaps they were aunties if they used first names. Not sure why you were eavesdropping on their conversations.

You spoke to them, they spoke to you, that’s the end of it really. Not sure what you hope to gain here.

Off topic but I was with my son in a play area the other day. And there was such a lovely nanny there with another little boy (her little boy and my son were playing in the sandpit together for quite a while so I saw her interacting with him a lot) that I gave her my number and told her to call me if she was looking for work. She hasn’t called though, gutted.

Three years old is incredibly young to be unsupervised at all in a playground.

Yanbu they were being awful. They’re responsible for children bullying your son and not doing anything- what lazy arseholes. 👏👏👏 OP for saying what you did and I hope you see those children with their mums some day so you can tell them what terrible nannies they’re paying.