To have told two nannies they were being lazy?

[Fireandsand]

I was at playground with my 2 year old DS earlier. It was quiet, just us, a man with his twin boys and two women, who I assume were nannies, with one boy each.

As soon as we got there, the two boys with the nannies started to follow my son around. Everything he went on, they went on and they would push past him. I told them to stop pushing a few times, they ignored me so DS and I just moved to another piece of equipment.

I looked over a few times to see if I could catch the eye of one of the nannies in the hope they might actually pay attention to the kids but they were deep in conversation.

To get some peace, my son and I went to the far side of the playground. Within a minute, the boys were there again, they chased my son and pushed him over. I told them to stop and go away and they laughed.

I went over to the nannies and told them what had happened, they shrugged and one said 'boys will be boys', so I said they were lazy and incompetent and that while they may not care If the kids grew up to be bullies, I'd hope the parents feel differently so if I ever see them, I'll be sure to let them know how useless their employees are. They said I was over reacting and should get used to it because that's just what playgrounds are like.

AIBU to have told them to do their jobs?

It’s always annoying when people aren’t supervising the children in their care, nanny or otherwise. A few times when I’ve been to the playground I’ve ended up with an extra kid sort of attached to me and my son.

It is annoying that anyone who actually wants to play with their child becomes some sort of unofficial childminder, as the unsupervised kids all sort of glom on.

Worst one is if you push your child on the roundabout or anything similar and then half the park suddenly arrives, including massive older children! I always say to my kids that I can’t push it if others come over as I have a bad back - once others come the kids can push it for one another!

The little boys sound exasperating and they weren't being supervised. If the nannies/whoever they were had apologised and called the kids back then doubtless the OP wouldn't have gone off on one.

and one said 'boys will be boys'

lazy stereotyping to excuse bad behaviour?

YANBU. They sound lazy and not particularly motivated.

@annacondom

The little boys sound exasperating and they weren't being supervised. If the nannies/whoever they were had apologised and called the kids back then doubtless the OP wouldn't have gone off on one.

Exactly this. I don't expect perfect behaviour from kids but I do expect the adult with them (whoever they are) to be paying attention and intervening when needed.

YANBU. Where I live in London most families have nannies. I have a fabulous nanny. In our neighbourhood there are a couple of nannies who completely ignore their charges (like you describe). My nanny and I both agree they give nannies a bad name. It’s not on (and I feel sorry for the kids and the families paying for such poor care).

I always found the best way to deal with this type of behaviour is to speak directly to the child , I’ve yet to meet a child that pushed one of mine again after I’ve told it to go away and play somewhere else - must be the way I say it .

Be careful. Also be careful of unconscious bias.

I used to look after my friend's kid quite regularly.

I don't fit the thin, blonde 4x4 driving school Mum stereotype and it isn't the sort of area where there is a lot of family childcare used.

My friend and I had a real laugh when one of the other school Mum's told her that her nanny was no good..... we eventually worked out that the nanny was me.

My reportable offence was to let the two older children leave the area with play equipment for the grassed area in the enclosed locked garden in the exclusive development I (and the moany Mum) lived in.

Apparently letting 9 year olds play on the other side of a hedge from me in a locked space was negligent....

Friend and I decided that this said more about moany Mum than me.

Which was cemented when moany Mum then refused to allow her child to go on a sleepover at my friend's house as there were too many stairs for her poor flat dwelling (9year old) child to be safe...

Anyway I'm now reaping the benefits of all my childcare graft as I get to spend time with my friend's delightful teens in my well established "cool auntie" role and I love it!

Yanbu to tell the women that the children were misbehaving but to rant afterwards was overkill

I think you said the truth. Not very PC but there we are. I hope they change their approach.
I've seen nannies being very slapdash. And it's different to parents being slapdash. They just aren't that interested in the children they look after. And children feel it and act out.

You weren't wrong, although it could be that your presentation was a little over-the-top. For what it's worth, mothers sometimes do this too. Can't tell you how many times my toddlers were pushed by bigger boys whose mothers were over in some corner gossiping with each other.

What I usually do in this sort of situation is talk to the children gently, as a group (I don't single out the offending kid) and remind them that we need to be gentle with smaller children or else it's unsafe. Most children that age are not doing it deliberately and don't mind being redirected as long as it's done in a nice way. I don't think it's wrong to speak to children you don't know if they are doing something that could be dangerous to your child (even small children can do dangerous things out of ignorance). However I do not touch another child, e.g. physically moving them away from my child. If speaking to them nicely doesn't work, then I move my own child away. I might speak to their caregiver but often I find that caregivers who are sitting on a bench chatting are not interested in getting up to redirect their child.

This doesn't work for older children because by they time they are about 6 or 8 years old, I have found they are pretty set in their ways and take offense. Then you just have to leave.

The thing is, you aren't allowed to speak directly to the child, and I think it is crossing a line to "blame" a child who is meant to be under supervision. Next thing you will be warning them not to do dangerous stunts or held accountable for letting them do dangerous stunts...ie you saw him pick up that rock why didn't you intervene.
It is the nannies' responsibility in loco parents to SUPERVISE. If they were shut parents you would probably have called them out just the same, but as bad parents not bad nannies. So good for you.

It’s always annoying when people aren’t supervising the children in their care, nanny or otherwise. A few times when I’ve been to the playground I’ve ended up with an extra kid sort of attached to me and my son.

That's because you and your child are interesting.

Often my DD acquires a friend in a playground. This means sometimes we (or the adult she is with) are followed around by a child, other times that child and their parents are followed around by DD. It does mean you end up pushing a swing or spinning a roundabout with both of them.

X post ...yes I think talking gently with no physical intervention is also good but in this case the nannies really were oblivious, and it was dangerous to all concerned.

It’s always annoying when people aren’t supervising the children in their care, nanny or otherwise. A few times when I’ve been to the playground I’ve ended up with an extra kid sort of attached to me and my son.

That's just what happens at playgrounds though. Kids run around and play with each other, not all parents have to be on the playground playing with their kids. If you're playing with your child you're going to attract other children, just like if LO was playing by themselves.

You should have spoken to them earlier instead of waiting till you were fit to burst. If their charge was pushing and being aggressive, and they hadn't noticed, as it appears they hadn't, you could have gone and had a friendly word telling them what was happening.

No-one, whether mother or nanny, watches their children constantly at the play park. Part of the whole point of going there with adult friends is that it is a safe place for the kids and the adults can relax a bit and chat. No-one would have a nanny if they were expected to only interact with their charges all day, as no-one would take the job.

@RedMarauder

Post the nannies behaviour e.g. not watching their charges on your local Facebook group with a description of all their hair colours plus the children's approximate ages.

I'm sure the children's parents would like to know how the nannies aren't doing their jobs.

This sort of thing has been suggested in the past. The women don’t sound at all interested in the children..

I think there is a potential issue with one of the unsupervised children getting hurt. This is especially true with young kids - it used to terrify me when kids would run into the path of a moving swing - and under no supervision.

You were completely in the right, you also weren't a dick, how anyone can say otherwise I have no idea, but this is MN world, people say some crazy shit in this place

I think you were bang on and well done for having the balls to tell them that! Well played OP.

I doubt that anything you said to them will have wounded their consciences or made a bit of difference, but I don't think it's wrong to tell them they aren't doing their job, if they aren't.

What I'd probably have done would have been to speak in a stern voice to the boys, if they continued to bully your son. If the nannies can't be bothered to do their job, I'd do the scolding for them.

@deadleaves

You should have spoken to them earlier instead of waiting till you were fit to burst. If their charge was pushing and being aggressive, and they hadn't noticed, as it appears they hadn't, you could have gone and had a friendly word telling them what was happening.

No-one, whether mother or nanny, watches their children constantly at the play park. Part of the whole point of going there with adult friends is that it is a safe place for the kids and the adults can relax a bit and chat. No-one would have a nanny if they were expected to only interact with their charges all day, as no-one would take the job.

There's so much I disagree with here.

@RedMarauder

Oh I know it’s just because the kids are interested, and usually I don’t mind it at all, considering I used to actually work in childcare. Had a lovely time with a girl who seemed to be about 4 who wanted to show my 1 year old lots of things- her mum was sat on a bench and massively pregnant so understandable she wasn’t running around the playground! It starts to stress me out a little when there’s boundary pushing or unsafe behaviour and parents are checked out- I had a little boy who’s parents were deep in conversation with some other parents while their kid was trying to eat definitely-unsafe berries stood next to me.

YANBU. When a nanny is working they are working and that means supervising the child they are paid to look after. It’s not an opportunity to socialise with other nannies. They obviously thought their luck was in when they saw you and your son op. A chance to kick back and be lazy.