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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I'll never be able to afford DCs university

97 replies

TrackyBottomsTuckedinSocks · 24/09/2021 10:20

Conversation with people last night mentioned their DCs came out of uni with 60K debts. Also the cost of paying their DCs rent and everything else. (Student loan covers tuition fees?) We're in the bracket that doesn't qualify for financial assistance, but doesn't have too much left over at the end of the month either, with no extravagant lifestyle to boot. Do I discourage DC from going to uni (next Sept) or do we accept that a debt like that is an inevitability/investment? I feel so worried about it

OP posts:
Antinerak · 24/09/2021 23:45

@TrackyBottomsTuckedinSocks

Honestly thanks so much. The MSE link is very useful. Is it relevant that DC1 has no idea what they want to do? Opting for a broader (decent imo) degree at a decent uni so hopefully career options wouldn't be limited. DH earns around 50K I currently work p/t and on 10K. Now trying to work out whether I should get a better job or stay put (better for family logistics) and maximise the grant amount. 'Fortunately' DC2 is unlikely to go the academic route.
It doesn't matter what uni they go to unless it's oxford/cambridge level. If you can limit their options to living near or at home they might find a course they like. Most students of all incomes who can't afford to live away from home without top ups from parents simply don't live away from home. If they can avoid it, they'll manage much easier than working in their spare time and having to take out loans.
Blahglah · 24/09/2021 23:52

Try not to worry. I went to uni as a formerly free school meals kid with £100 overdraft before I even turned up on my first day. Both my parents worked hard but you know what it's like, they were divorced and wages covered the bills and a few days out, not savings. Not a lot of people appreciate that's usually how life is, so you may get a variety of different views here.

It was an eye opener to see my housemates get their rent cheques from the parents and have money (especially when they claimed they were hard up) and I won't lie, at times it was tough, I put quite a lot on credit cards and worked 12 hour shifts in a factory over the summer. BUT going to uni was without a doubt the best thing I ever did. Moving to a new city, learning about the world, meeting different people and learning about a subject I really enjoyed. It inspired me for life and 15 years later I'm more than comfortably off, just paid off my loan and can now help my mum out. This would never have happened if I hadn't gone to uni.

It can be the best gift you can give a child, to be independent and manage their own way into adulthood. It's not easy but knowing that every penny I spent I'd have to earn back or pay off, gave me a decent ethic for these things. In contrast my DH is from a well off family where they could afford to pay for everything at uni, no loan and then be given money towards a house after, his younger siblings had more money given than him and are very unhappy and don't understand the concept of money at all because they don't understand the value of it.

I can save up for my kids for when they're older, but do I want to pay their bills when they go off to uni? Not really. I know the world is different now but don't necessarily believe the hype. Taking out a 12k loan in 2002 was chargeable high interest from day one and isn't written off for 45 years. That's a lot of interest and a long time. A larger loan today may seem daunting but is written off after 25 years (I think, or similar, certainly not 45) so in reality today's students won't be paying off much more, sometimes less, than we were back then (on median income.) Had I not paid my load off early, I'd have still had my loan at the same time as my own children, at least future generations won't have that.

Your children should be ambitious. If they want to stay close to home then great, but further afield there's a lot out there and it can be worth those extra shifts and a bit of struggle, they've got a long life ahead and education shouldn't just be for the well off, it's often wasted on them.

Kite22 · 25/09/2021 00:31

I think the first two replies covered things really Smile

  1. Make sure you understand the financial side - talk of "£60K debt" give a completely wrong impression. If you think of "they will have to pay a tax, only on the amount they earn over (about £28K), and only for the time they are earning that (so it stops if they go PT or are in a less well paid job or are unemployed for a while or start own business and don't earn well for a while etc)" then it gives a clearer picture of what the reality is, which is nothing like a loan in any sense.
  2. Remember it is different in each of the home countries
  3. Remember they have lots of choices about costs - none of mine wanted to consider London Universities, for example (and I'd add Bristol to that, now). None of mine wanted to pay out the extra £40 or so every week to have an en-suite. None of mine wanted catered accommodation. etc etc. All of mine went knowing how to cook, knowing how to budget, and got even better at money saving once it was their own money. Be honest and open with them about realistic budgets.
  4. Encourage them to work - now, in 6th form. During holidays, and, (even more so if he isn't sure what he wants to do) to take a year out before going and save up.
MossyBottom · 25/09/2021 00:35

These threads always go the same way. Those who's own parents didn't help them out begrudge anyone getting help. There really is no advantage to having to struggle through uni without the parental contribution any more than there is any disadvantage to having parents who pay up.
My DC got nearly the full loan because our income not high. We topped them up to the max even when two at uni. They had holiday jobs but no work in term time so they could concentrate on studying.
It doesn't mean they don't know the value of hard work and money, they still had to budget.

Shelddd · 25/09/2021 00:48

I don't think working class or lower middle class parents should pay for uni, maybe let the kids live at home and maybe a little bit of help here and there within means. They need to look at university as an investment and they shouldn't complete a degree that doesnt have a good enough ROI to warrant the cost unless of course you're wealthy and can afford to pay for it without missing the money. Students can get part time job to cover any short fall in funding.

EdmontinaDonsAutumnalHues · 25/09/2021 00:56

It doesn't matter what uni they go to unless it's oxford/cambridge level.

This is meaningless and wrong.

If you can limit their options to living near or at home they might find a course they like.

It should never be up to a parent to ‘limit the options’ of their university-bound child.

This is an incredibly depressing thing to read.

Shelddd · 25/09/2021 01:10

@EdmontinaDonsAutumnalHues

It doesn't matter what uni they go to unless it's oxford/cambridge level.

This is meaningless and wrong.

If you can limit their options to living near or at home they might find a course they like.

It should never be up to a parent to ‘limit the options’ of their university-bound child.

This is an incredibly depressing thing to read.

The gap between Oxford/Cambridge and the 3rd best uni is wider than the gap between the 3rd best uni and the worst uni in the UK.

I know a lot of people will be upset by that statement but it's true sorry.

Blahglah · 25/09/2021 01:15

@MossyBottom I disagree that there's no advantage to struggle through uni, surely the advantage is the education and whatever you gain from that experience. Or do you mean in comparison to going to uni with money? I don't know, I think people who have all their uni costs paid, rent bills, etc do miss out from their adulthood especially as that often seems to coincide with the most comfortable, catered halls, a bit like delaying childhood. Plenty do it. Most young adults wouldn't argue, their parents are giving them free money but often there's a catch i.e studying, doing what the parents want to do and always owing something emotionally.

I think there's a middle ground but people can go to uni without a parent bankrolling them.

GoWalkabout · 25/09/2021 09:13

I wouldn't want this discussion to worry anyone on a lower income and make them think they can never afford it, because the great thing is that their children can borrow the full amount so it levels up the playing field for them. Its just tricky for families on a good income but with high outgoings.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 25/09/2021 09:28

They can live at home and study local.

If they don’t qualify for any loan bar tuition then the household income must be high. I’d be looking at cutting outgoings etc rather than not wanting my children to go to uni if that’s the path they so choose.

TractorAndHeadphones · 25/09/2021 09:31

@MossyBottom

These threads always go the same way. Those who's own parents didn't help them out begrudge anyone getting help. There really is no advantage to having to struggle through uni without the parental contribution any more than there is any disadvantage to having parents who pay up. My DC got nearly the full loan because our income not high. We topped them up to the max even when two at uni. They had holiday jobs but no work in term time so they could concentrate on studying. It doesn't mean they don't know the value of hard work and money, they still had to budget.
The issue isn’t begrudging anyone getting help - but the cost to the parent. Your situation is different as your kids got almost the full loan. But there are many who get minimal amounts and can’t afford to top up. There are too many variables (can the children get a job, where they want to stud) etc. However unlike feeding and clothing children it’s not necessary for parents to sacrifice to put kids through a 3 year uni unless they’re academic. Parents will contribute what they can and it’s up to the kids to find the rest. If they are unwilling or unable to do so then they can get an apprenticeship or do an online degree while holding a job. Choice is up to them. There are many options now and 3 years in university is not the only one!
ItsNotMeAnymore · 25/09/2021 09:39

The break between finishing school and starting Uni is really long and Uni holidays are all long. If your son gets a full time job as soon as he finishes school then he will have a really decent amount to take to Uni with him.
Depends on the Uni but lots of students are skint and manage to live on very little. There is also cheap accommodation at some Unis. Admittedly it was 4 years ago now but one of my kids shared a house for under £70 a week. It was a bit of a dive but ok. He shared with a great group of friends so that was more important that the quality of the house.
Travel can also be really cheap, just use advance planning, mega bus etc.
Most of my kids friends who were skint were only skint because they didn’t plan out how they spent their money and would blow it on drink or drugs 😅.

Asdf12345 · 25/09/2021 09:40

Depending on the course there may be restrictions.

When I was an undergrad we were told first day of week one that up to four hours of employment a week would be accepted, anyone found to be doing more would get no second chances for exams. If we needed more than that we were expected to exhaust all other sources of income from family, bursaries, etc.

Look carefully at the course your child wants to do, if there is very likely going to be an excellent return on investment it’s worth busting everything to support them, less so for something that doesn’t yield a good return for its graduates.

ItsNotMeAnymore · 25/09/2021 09:45

PPs posts saying….
It doesn't matter what uni they go to unless it's oxford/cambridge level. If you can limit their options to living near or at home they might find a course they like
and…
The gap between Oxford/Cambridge and the 3rd best uni is wider than the gap between the 3rd best uni and the worst uni in the UK.

are talking absolute shite. I’d ignore them. Oxford and Cambridge are AMAZING universities and would be a brilliant place to go if you were a skint student but there are lots of other amazing universities and university courses.

Invasionofthegutsnatchers · 25/09/2021 10:01

Do they need to go to uni for the career they want?

Could they live with you and go to a local uni?

BeyondMyWits · 25/09/2021 10:06

We have 2 at uni, they get a bit above minimum loan, we pay their rent (we have saved for the duration of secondary school), they use the loan to live on (they go to different unis and rent costs are unequal, so they are both left with the same)

They both took a year out - best thing ever, helped them grow up and interact with the real world, and worked hard to get some money in the bank before going too. If they work with a UK wide employer they can often transfer to their uni town during term time.

Islamorada · 25/09/2021 10:06

As another OP said this needs planning since they are toddlers. Saving for years to afford it.

Amboseli · 25/09/2021 10:19

DD is taking a year out and working to save for uni next year plus will do some traveling as well.

She's been very proactive in finding jobs, planning her travels and is learning so much. I would highly recommend taking a year out to work and save. If they work full time they can save more than enough for 3 years at uni. And there are so many jobs around, DD hasn't had any problems at all getting jobs.

Ariela · 25/09/2021 10:20

My DD1 went locally and worked with a well paid side hustle (schooling horses @£20+/hour) so easily would have afforded to live in had she opted to/opted to study elsewhere, and it didn't take masses of time, so she saved lots over the summer.
See what your DC can do as a side hustle that pays well, my friend's son (at Oxbridge now) tutored at a similar rate/hour, far better than min wage. Another has an online something (not quite sure what You tube channel or something to do with skateboarding) that gets masses of advert payments apparently - payment shot through the roof with the Olympics coverage.
If not so entrepreneurial then a job that transfers from home town eg McDonalds, Sainsburys etc is always useful for holidays as well as Uni.

PooWillyNameChange · 25/09/2021 21:06

@Shelddd what utter nonsense. You can't seriously think an Imperial science degree is considered similar to one from the bottom of the league tables? Hmm

Kite22 · 25/09/2021 22:25

@GoWalkabout

I wouldn't want this discussion to worry anyone on a lower income and make them think they can never afford it, because the great thing is that their children can borrow the full amount so it levels up the playing field for them. Its just tricky for families on a good income but with high outgoings.
I agree @GoWalkabout. Students from low income families get the highest amount for their loan and frequently end up with most to spend, amongst their peers at University.

I don't think working class or lower middle class parents should pay for uni, maybe let the kids live at home and maybe a little bit of help here and there within means.

Nor do you need to have been planning since they were toddler. More absolute rubbish. Honestly, there are some posters on this thread that must live in tiny little bubbles with no idea there are people out there living all sorts of different lives.
Shock
MN never ceases to amaze me.
Still struggling to believe anyone can have such an attitude in 2021 Angry

The gap between Oxford/Cambridge and the 3rd best uni is wider than the gap between the 3rd best uni and the worst uni in the UK.

Absolute gobshite.
This poster is talking through her backside.

icanbewhatiwant · 30/09/2021 18:03

Ds has a full time job from early July through to the third week of sept. that's a great way to earn some extra cash without having to juggle work with studies.

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