To want him to learn at home too

TheBeautifulMoors · 2021-09-24T06:14:42+00:00

DC 12 is in y8. Due to ASD and anxiety, school gets them to do homework at school in learning support. He’s capable enough if he puts his mind to it but he’s anxiety around making mistakes ( which we are still working on). He needs to be taught things more often than others in order to retain it but he can do huge sums out automatically in no time. I don’t think no homework at home is good enough at all. He does 30mins or so of learning at the weekend. I’d like him to do an hour of learning after school of maths/ English/ science/ etc a day. I want him to get some GCSEs and if this continues, I’m afraid there’s a possibility he might not get any. (I’m probably being a bit dramatic with the GCSEs bit but I mean a C i.e. 4 at least). He does oppose because at school, he’s told that he won’t need to do homework as he does it in school. He currently spends his time after school playing in the garden and on the trampoline. He picks up his laptop a few times a week to practise coding. Considering the aforementioned issues, aibu? If you don’t think I am, please suggest good apps, books, resources that you’ve used at home for your secondary school children please? Help!

bonfireheart · 24/09/2021 07:48

Twinkl is a great website.
CGP books are very good too.

PlanDeRaccordement · 24/09/2021 07:58

I agree he needs more school work/education.

What are you doing for the anxiety? Is he seeing a therapist?

Have you had him privately assessed by a SEN psychiatrist to determine which accommodations and support would work best for him? ASD is such a wide spectrum with so many different manifestations and needs that it requires a custom individual approach. Too often schools only have a single approach for all kids with ASD that doesn’t work for everyone with ASD.

For example, my DD17 has ASD and she does school work remotely two days a week because of the distraction of being in a classroom puts her behind. She catches up on these two days. She’s projected to do much better in her exams as a result. (She also likes coding and does web design as a hobby)

Not saying this would work for your DC, but we only found out what works for our DD by getting that private assessment done. It was a few hundred euros but well worth it.

MagnoliaBeige · 24/09/2021 08:09

Have you asked the school what their view is? Would it not defeat the purpose of him doing the homework in school if he’s then going more at home? I’d have the same concerns as you but I’d want to make sure the school were on board with the plan.

Sirzy · 24/09/2021 08:10

Talk to school and ask for the homework to be sent home if it is that important to you. But it sounds like the home is home and school is school is working for him so personally I wouldn’t change it.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 24/09/2021 08:13

Is he doing his full homework at school?

If so, I would probably say that's good enough, although I might encourage him to read or research stuff he is interested in at home.

But most kids don't do more than their actual homework (or do they?!)

Tomnooktoldmeto · 24/09/2021 09:53

Both DD and DS with ASD and ADHD use Seneca at home to reinforce classroom learning and help with revision

Generallystruggling · 24/09/2021 10:13

So after a six hour day at school, he still needs an extra hour? By all means enlist him in some extra curricular activities and encourage him to read books but he doesn’t need to do more school work.

Learnthroughplay3 · 24/09/2021 10:18

@Generallystruggling I completely agree with you he isn't a robot, that is just asking for mental health problems.

3scape · 24/09/2021 10:22

I can't see how heaping 1 hour on work every day is going to help anyone deal with a learning based anxiety. This is a massive amount of pressure you are piling on, just to get him to where you think he should be. If he would learn better at home then you need to commit to that and remove him from school.

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 24/09/2021 10:30

I never did a jot of homework, but then again I didn’t have additional needs. Grades aren’t the be all and end all. Having activities outside of school that boost his confidence and relive anxiety would properly be of more use to him. Not everyone is cut out for a classical education and I know plenty of people who went down the apprenticeship trades route who are incredibly successful. If he’s doing homework at school maybe you could engage him in activities like wood work?

Walkingbkwrm · 24/09/2021 18:25

I think an hour is optimistic given how much energy and focus he is probably expending during the school day (due to the ASD). But looking forward a year or two, breaking the habit of not working at home at all would probably be helpful. Maybe a regular small (10-20 min) chunk of vocab learning (if he does a 2nd Lang) or maths practice if he has a subscription to a maths website via school would be unthreatening enough just to embed the habit of doing something at home so he’s happier to do revision etc in a year or two’s time?

JustLyra · 24/09/2021 19:19

I think if he’s hitting the milestones the school are setting then having a clear separation between home and school may be a very good thing.

Cocomarine · 24/09/2021 19:25

What reason do you have to think he won’t get 4s at GCSE?
He’s attending school, is capable, and is competing his homework.
An hour extra a day is a lot.
What level do school say he is working at now?

Original poster

TheBeautifulMoors · 25/09/2021 07:13

Thank you all for your replies. Lots to think about.

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SilenceOfThePrams · 25/09/2021 07:19

For many autistic children there needs to be a very clear separation between home and school. School is for formal learning and home is the safe space where they can relax and drop the mask.

There are plenty of other things he can be learning at home without even realising it. Cooking - reading recipes, changing the servings (so making a double batch or shrinking a 3 egg recipe because you only have 2 and so on), puzzles or 3D models related to his interests. The coding is great. Trampolining and other movement is great too. Let home be the place where his anxieties reduce, not somewhere where he has to face them all over again.

Original poster

TheBeautifulMoors · 25/09/2021 07:21

@PlanDeRaccordement

I agree he needs more school work/education.

What are you doing for the anxiety? Is he seeing a therapist?

Have you had him privately assessed by a SEN psychiatrist to determine which accommodations and support would work best for him? ASD is such a wide spectrum with so many different manifestations and needs that it requires a custom individual approach. Too often schools only have a single approach for all kids with ASD that doesn’t work for everyone with ASD.

For example, my DD17 has ASD and she does school work remotely two days a week because of the distraction of being in a classroom puts her behind. She catches up on these two days. She’s projected to do much better in her exams as a result. (She also likes coding and does web design as a hobby)

Not saying this would work for your DC, but we only found out what works for our DD by getting that private assessment done. It was a few hundred euros but well worth it.

I’ll seriously consider this, thank you. He was assessed by an Education Psychologist when he was in primary school but not since he’s moved to secondary, mostly due to the situation last year.

Is the SEN therapist you’re referring to different? As in a general psychologist instead of of an education one? Where is the best place to find one please? We try to help with techniques on working through anxiety but I fear we’re limited. School are trying but what they’re trying now isn’t helping with some big changes with his nee classes, etc.

We’re currently arranging for SLT input so will add this to the list.

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Original poster

TheBeautifulMoors · 25/09/2021 07:22

@MagnoliaBeige

Have you asked the school what their view is? Would it not defeat the purpose of him doing the homework in school if he’s then going more at home? I’d have the same concerns as you but I’d want to make sure the school were on board with the plan.

I have spoken to the senco about us doing some learning at home and they were fine with it. Some of the other children do this too.

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Kanaloa · 25/09/2021 07:29

An hour of after school study when he has already completed all the assigned homework seems random and over the top. That’s an extra (on top of all assigned school work) 5 hours per week.

Do you think it would actually help him? It sounds like he is already struggling with motivation for school work, and I can imagine him becoming frustrated that he’s doing all his homework at school to then do an extra hour of ‘schoolwork’ once he gets home.

I understand the struggle as my son is also autistic and is behind where his peers are. However, the way I see it is that he is working just as hard (or harder) than his schoolmates. If I was to bring him home then sit him down to do more structured work he wouldn’t get enough time to rest and recover and would end up extremely demotivated.

Original poster

TheBeautifulMoors · 25/09/2021 07:31

@TheYearOfSmallThings

Is he doing his full homework at school?

If so, I would probably say that's good enough, although I might encourage him to read or research stuff he is interested in at home.

But most kids don't do more than their actual homework (or do they?!)

I saw his science homework the other day and he had it in his bag, ready to submit to the teacher and most of the answers were incorrect. Apparently, he’s missed the lesson due to having to go to learning support to do some 1:1 non academic work. Clearly no one had supervised him at all or considered that he could’ve done with some help in that situation.

I’m thinking perhaps I could use homework to check his learning and briefly teach again, reinforce, etc as needed.

To be fair, that’s the only homework I’ve seen and he wasn’t best pleased I was looking at it.

He’s anxious about forgetting his homework and getting detention ( he won’t) so doing it at school helps alleviate this.

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Kanaloa · 25/09/2021 07:33

If his homework is mostly incorrect I would actually encourage him to show this to the teacher. I’ve always been a big believer in supporting with homework but only to an extent - if they aren’t able to do it independently and are answering most questions incorrectly then this is something the teacher needs to see as obviously there has been an issue in the teaching of a specific area.

Original poster

TheBeautifulMoors · 25/09/2021 07:36

@TheYearOfSmallThings

Is he doing his full homework at school?

If so, I would probably say that's good enough, although I might encourage him to read or research stuff he is interested in at home.

But most kids don't do more than their actual homework (or do they?!)

He does that. He’s a walking zoology encyclopaedia so does this most says as he often comes home with questions on animals I don’t know the answer to.

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Cattitudes · 25/09/2021 07:36

Where do you think his anxiety over making mistakes comes from? My ds is more anxious if I check over his homework. He is yr7 but does most of his homework in school because he likes having a strong boundary between home and school. In my experience of older dc yr8 can be a more fallow year for homework before ramping back up again in yr9. Yr7 the school are trying to train them to do homework, hand it in, detention if not done etc. Yr 8 wasn't quite as pressured, teachers are busy with yr7 and older years so aren't as worried about yr8. My older dc often had less homework and did that homework at school. Maybe talk to the school about whether they would encourage any specific work, and maybe ask other parents if you know any how much their dc are getting.

Try not to turn it into a battle, the school may still be trying to normalise homework and get him less anxious before getting him to do more at home.

Original poster

TheBeautifulMoors · 25/09/2021 07:39

@Walkingbkwrm

I think an hour is optimistic given how much energy and focus he is probably expending during the school day (due to the ASD). But looking forward a year or two, breaking the habit of not working at home at all would probably be helpful. Maybe a regular small (10-20 min) chunk of vocab learning (if he does a 2nd Lang) or maths practice if he has a subscription to a maths website via school would be unthreatening enough just to embed the habit of doing something at home so he’s happier to do revision etc in a year or two’s time?

You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking with that suggestion of one hour

We’ll aim for 20mins, I think- two lots of 10, etc. He enjoys french but doesn’t do it at school so is more amenable to doing it at home.

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Original poster

TheBeautifulMoors · 25/09/2021 07:41

@Cocomarine

What reason do you have to think he won’t get 4s at GCSE? He’s attending school, is capable, and is competing his homework. An hour extra a day is a lot. What level do school say he is working at now?

Momentary panic, I think. He’ll definitely get some .

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Original poster

TheBeautifulMoors · 25/09/2021 07:46

@SilenceOfThePrams

For many autistic children there needs to be a very clear separation between home and school. School is for formal learning and home is the safe space where they can relax and drop the mask.

There are plenty of other things he can be learning at home without even realising it. Cooking - reading recipes, changing the servings (so making a double batch or shrinking a 3 egg recipe because you only have 2 and so on), puzzles or 3D models related to his interests. The coding is great. Trampolining and other movement is great too. Let home be the place where his anxieties reduce, not somewhere where he has to face them all over again.

Gosh, your last sentence really got me. You’re so right. He bakes quite a lot and does doubling and halving exercise as part of this.

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