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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To enquire what profession your parents wanted you to take up and whether you followed their advice or did something else.

72 replies

peewitsandy · 23/09/2021 19:03

My mother wanted me to follow her in to teaching, this despite being less than enthused with my choice of Politics at University . Mother wanted me for some reason to be a History teacher .

Fast forward some 23 years since I left University and I have had no Professional Career at all . Consequently I have not worked at all since DD1 was born some 16 years ago.

OP posts:
EllieSattler · 23/09/2021 19:05

I was strongly discouraged from being a doctor. I got 4As in science A Levels and went on to work in the public sector. I am pretty sure I would have been a very good doctor. Ah well.

AZFell · 23/09/2021 19:05

My mum left school at 15 and worked in a million different secretary or typist roles. She never tried to push me to do anything in particular, just hoped I could follow my dreams.

I wanted to be an archaeologist when I was growing up. I'm a teacher now. Still wish I could be an archaeologist though.

chequeredinlove · 23/09/2021 19:09

I wanted to be an actress, mum wanted me to be a lawyer / doctor to earn food good money. I became a chartered accountant and went into city finance. It was always money driven and so were my mums motives.

OhWhyNot · 23/09/2021 19:13

Nothing in particular just to not work in a factory but anything rather than signing on

My nan (bought up by my grandparents) would have loved me to be a nurse (wish in had trained to be a nurse) and was ridiculous proud when I became a PA (which I never enjoyed and little job satisfaction from)

I since retrained and went to university sadly my grandparents had died before I went back to studying. I can only imagine how proud they would have been at my graduation

Driftingblue · 23/09/2021 19:15

My parents were both professionals, but they didn’t really understand the world of academia. When I left university and said I was moving away for more school, they were terrified I was going to ask them for money. I had to show them my offer letter to get them to believe that my tuition was free and I would be paid a stipend that was enough to live on in an expensive city while I completed my degree. Once they grasped that, they came around and enjoyed bragging to their friends.

GreatPotato · 23/09/2021 19:16

I don't remember them ever having any specific wants for my career, just that I should do "well".

My dad particularly was determined that I would be financially independent, to the extent that he was my childminder when DC were small so I could carry on working..

Roonilwazlib1 · 23/09/2021 19:23

I don't think they ever showed any inclination towards me doing any particular job! As long as I had some form of paid job they would have been happy.

My grandparents were extremely proud when I decided to go to uni though as I was the first one to do so.

Bontanics · 23/09/2021 19:23

My mum was devastated that i went straight into work after finishing school and she didn't want me to to have to go back to Uni later in life like she did to get a well paid job. I own several of my own businesses and she still thinks I could have done better going to Uni to work for someone else.

JaninaDuszejko · 23/09/2021 19:24

My parents were encouraging of me at school and expected me to go to University but the assumption was that I'd be engaged at graduation and get married and have children. While I did eventually get married and have children it was much later than they had assumed and I work FT and earn more than DH (who works PT). Times change.

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 23/09/2021 19:27

@AZFell

My mum left school at 15 and worked in a million different secretary or typist roles. She never tried to push me to do anything in particular, just hoped I could follow my dreams.

I wanted to be an archaeologist when I was growing up. I'm a teacher now. Still wish I could be an archaeologist though.

It’s never too late! Community digs happen all summer, just when you’re on holiday. No experience required for most bits of digging, basic finds processing, sieving spoil etc. Find an opportunity to volunteer, and you will be hugely welcome.
KateF · 23/09/2021 19:28

My mother held the purse strings and wanted me to become a doctor I did and it wasn't right for me. I moved into international development and then into what I do now- early years. What I should have done from the start and makes me happy. My brother is an unhappy accountant.

SummerintheCity2021 · 23/09/2021 19:29

Any regrets op?

My parents just wanted me to do something that made me happy and supported my choice to go to university even though they left school at 14 themselves. There was no pressure to go in a certain direction for me or my siblings.

MajorCarolDanvers · 23/09/2021 19:30

I've no idea if they had a preference. They've never told me if they did.

They just encouraged me to do well at school and go to uni.

What I did was always up to me.

DeepaBeesKit · 23/09/2021 19:32

My parents weren't specific about the actual profession but always encouraged things with decent pay & pensions.

They are very pleased that I'm a chartered accountant.

Luckily I enjoy it too so all good.

Footprintsonthemoon1 · 23/09/2021 19:34

While it was never said out loud my mum wanted me to be a SAHM like she was. In fairness I loved having her at home and I do think it's best for kids to have a parent at home before and after school but I do like working so I work an admin job in school hours

nyktipolos · 23/09/2021 19:35

Mum wanted me to be a sahm. Dbro was the one that 'needed an education' to support a family. I didn't go to uni, he did.

Now I am nearly 4o and he is early 40s. He is a very happy and amazing sahd to 2 amazing kids. I am the one with a very senior professional role in BI/MI.

Odd how it worked out, but we are all happy.

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 23/09/2021 19:35

Mine just wanted me to be happy, and not to struggle for money. I think I was born with a sensible head on my shoulders and was bright and high achieving, so they didn’t really feel the need to worry. They certainly didn’t try to interfere in my choices; just supported me while I got my undergraduate degree, and later on, a Masters. They have always been very proud of my careers, but wouldn’t have presumed to try and dictate the course of my life. Both of them experienced this in their own families and I think this helped them know how they wanted to parent us.

gwenneh · 23/09/2021 19:36

My mother wanted me to be a writer, and in the end (after several course changes, and being sidetracked into a fine arts degree) that is what I wound up doing to get my start in my career.

WhatHaveIFound · 23/09/2021 19:38

I don't remember my parents expressing any career choices for me but they were upsetout that I chose to go into a creative industry. I am a constant disappointment to them.

AFuturisticalSound · 23/09/2021 19:38

My parents never expressed any views on what I or my siblings should do for work and they certainly wouldn't have assumed any of use would enter a profession.

That sounds like a stereotype middle class attitude to children, surely the vast majority of people don't work in the professions

BlueMoons90 · 23/09/2021 19:55

My DM always expressed a desire for me to become a nurse like she was, but DF wasn't bothered. I ended up becoming a teacher and now I'm a SAHM. They're both happy for me

Mombie2021 · 23/09/2021 19:57

My Mum thought all 5 of us girls should just get married, have babies and stay at home.

Yeah. No. She is approaching retirement with two divorced behind her, renting, no pension, no savings, nothing. Fuck. That.

TheKeatingFive · 23/09/2021 20:00

My mum thought I should be a nutritionist and I was never entirely sure what the reasoning for that was.

Mombie2021 · 23/09/2021 20:05

Oh, and education past GCSEs is unnecessary, she says. So she doesn’t understand why I went to University, I don’t think she really understands what a degree is for. She thinks I’m a monster for going back to work when DDs turned 1. I’m the only one to have had children so far…

My Dad encouraged education, University for me. Art for DSis1, hair and beauty for DSis 2. Because that’s what we were interested in/good at. It’s the approach I’ll take with my children, along with encouraging financial independence and shaping their lives so that they’re never affected by a man coming or going.

My other two sisters have a different father, neither have quals past terrible GCSEs and they are both in their mid 20s and miserable l.

lazylinguist · 23/09/2021 20:10

DM didn't mind what career I went into, as long as I was happy and preferably provided her with grandchildren. DF wasn't all that keen on me doing the career I'd decided on firmly age 12 (teacher), because he thought I should go into some kind of business career like him (which I absolutely hated the idea of). I became a teacher anyway and he cane round to the idea eventually!