Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m going on a date tomorrow with a man I’ve slept with for 6 months... and I’m bricking it

51 replies

Mineralcindy · 22/09/2021 21:05

Never expected to “like like” him or for him to like me. He told me he wanted more about 2 weeks ago, and that he had feelings for me. Since then we’ve we’ve been out for dinners together, shopping, coffee, etc...

But tomorrow he’s taking me to this really expensive (members only) bar and then for a fancy dinner at this restaurant.

I’m so nervous and I don’t know why. I’ve bought a dress and heels but keep thinking it’s too formal/too much? I’m scared he’ll think I’m boring when we’re not sleeping together :(

Arggggh I’m 30!!! I’ve had dates before!!

Aibu to feel like a complete mess over this? What do I do to calm myself haha

OP posts:
Original poster
Mineralcindy · 22/09/2021 23:28

I don’t understand people not understanding the situation.

Friends with benefits for 6 months. For a range of reasons, primarily we worked together for the first 5 months.

We both started having feelings for each other. He wanted to make things more serious. So he did.

Now I am nervous because he’s interested in ME not sex. And I suppose I don’t like myself that much.

OP posts:
Kite22 · 22/09/2021 23:34

I'm with Embroidery and others.

This is very mixed up.

RampantIvy · 23/09/2021 06:46

I don’t understand people not understanding the situation.

Probably because for most people it has been the other way around ie dating and getting to know someone first and they just can't identify with your situation.

Surely you have talked with each other during the last six months as well? You must both like each other for this to have continued for so long?

VenusTiger · 23/09/2021 21:07

But that makes it even more confusing OP, friends with benefits surely means you know each other well enough to hold conversation before and after sex?
I met my DH at work and we literally did nothing else but have sex for the first 6 months too - it was cheaper than dates Grin as we were skint - but we spoke to eachother and got to know eachother even though it was mainly physical to start with.
You know eachother by now surely?

I don't think you've anything to worry about anyway OP - and wear whatever you feel comfortable in - hope you have a really nice time.

SwanShaped · 23/09/2021 21:12

I get what you’re going in about OP. Suddenly feelings are involved and it just the physical side. It’s a big deal. Have fun!!

Ijustknowitstimetogo · 23/09/2021 21:14

Pardon?

MiddlesexGirl · 23/09/2021 21:20

I absolutely get it.
From being a casual bit of fun there is now no pretending that feelings are not involved and there is more to lose.
But nothing ventured nothing gained. I hope you're having a great time WineWineWine

Savoretti · 23/09/2021 21:21

I don’t get it either - you say since he told you he has feelings for you, you’ve been out on dinner dates, coffee, shopping etc so why is this date any different to them?

BitterTits · 23/09/2021 21:23

So jealous of this. I dream.of romance Grin

Anoisagusaris · 23/09/2021 21:26

But you have been out for dinner etc him since he told you….this is just a fancier restaurant.

Bobsyer · 23/09/2021 21:56

This is normal Smile. But you've been going on dates already - so I hope you're enjoying yourself right now!

Puppalicious · 23/09/2021 22:04

How is this hard to understand?
They’ve been having sex for 6 months, casual, nothing really at stake.
But now it’s becoming clear it might be more - your heart and emotions and feelings are more at risk! You’ll be fine! It’s a good sign if a man wants to go from fwb to something more, must really like you.

StoneofDestiny · 23/09/2021 22:34

How is this hard to understand?

Because I'd hazard a guess this is not normal for most people. The average relationship goes from dates to get to know each other, find out your likes and dislikes and whether you are compatible. Sexual intimacy usually comes later.

gannett · 23/09/2021 22:45

@StoneofDestiny

How is this hard to understand?

Because I'd hazard a guess this is not normal for most people. The average relationship goes from dates to get to know each other, find out your likes and dislikes and whether you are compatible. Sexual intimacy usually comes later.

Firstly, it is definitely normal, and secondly, why be so hung up on what's normal as if it's some set path everyone has to follow?

OP has told us her situation, and it TOTALLY resonates with me, I have definitely been there. When someone's a FWB you can emotionally detach a bit, be confident in your appearance and make no effort with your personality. But then when things take this sort of turn it has you re-evaluating everything about yourself.

Good luck OP! Firstly remember he's also made himself vulnerable - he's probably sweating about whether you like him for who he is now. And secondly you dropped the whole "I don't like myself" thing in there as an aside - I know when people say "learn to love yourself" it isn't that simple but I hope you're working on taking steps towards that. This guy certainly seems to like you after all, so you must be pretty likeable.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 23/09/2021 23:04

This happened to me. Casual relationship, just sex. Now married for 5 years and have 2 DC. Enjoy!!!

drspouse · 23/09/2021 23:15

I'm also in the "don't understand" brigade.
Surely you must have mutual feelings of attraction to sleep together?
And you must have enough to talk about to go on casual dates?
You are 6 months in so it's a little (though not a lot) early to be talking permanent.
So it's just a combo of liking each other, fancying each other and having a chat? And you've done all those before?

Staryflight445 · 23/09/2021 23:15

Have fun op!

hairybakers · 24/09/2021 18:09

How was it Op. ? Grin

TubeOfSmarties · 24/09/2021 18:11

It sounds lovely! I hope he's as excited as you are. Have a lovely time.

Brollywasntneededafterall · 24/09/2021 18:14

I married my fwb. Sadly now divorced but started off as just sex... Got engaged 6 months later!!
How did it go op?

GladAllOver · 24/09/2021 18:16

Well the date was yesterday. What happened OP?

WE NEED DETAILS !

PermanentTemporary · 24/09/2021 18:17

Hope it was great. I totally get it. I'm pretty confident about my ability to wow a man in bed but nowhere else. Enjoy.

hahahayoumustbejoking · 24/09/2021 18:22

Hope you had a lovely time.

AnotherFruitcake · 24/09/2021 18:31

I think it’s quite a sensible way to do things. I always had a horror of liking someone and then discovering we were completely incompatible in bed. I remember a university friend who really fancied someone, went on several dates, and then discovered the first time they slept together that he liked to be spanked, which was really not her thing.

StoneofDestiny · 25/09/2021 18:17

Firstly, it is definitely normal, and secondly, why be so hung up on what's normal as if it's some set path everyone has to follow?

Didn't say that.
But for most people it is not commonplace for people to have a FWB for 6 months and know little beyond their behaviour in bed.

Swipe left for the next trending thread