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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m going on a date tomorrow with a man I’ve slept with for 6 months... and I’m bricking it

51 replies

Mineralcindy · 22/09/2021 21:05

Never expected to “like like” him or for him to like me. He told me he wanted more about 2 weeks ago, and that he had feelings for me. Since then we’ve we’ve been out for dinners together, shopping, coffee, etc...

But tomorrow he’s taking me to this really expensive (members only) bar and then for a fancy dinner at this restaurant.

I’m so nervous and I don’t know why. I’ve bought a dress and heels but keep thinking it’s too formal/too much? I’m scared he’ll think I’m boring when we’re not sleeping together :(

Arggggh I’m 30!!! I’ve had dates before!!

Aibu to feel like a complete mess over this? What do I do to calm myself haha

OP posts:
Frenchfancy · 22/09/2021 21:09

The fact you are nervous shows you care. The fact you have been sleeping together for 6 months shows you are sexually compatible.

How exciting. Enjoy this moment. This could be the start of something good.

Tal45 · 22/09/2021 21:11

Nervous and excited both feel very similar - butterflies in tummy etc. So perhaps turn the negative into a positive and instead of telling yourself you're nervous, tell yourself that you are excited! Then have a fabulous time!

DeepaBeesKit · 22/09/2021 21:14

I think it sounds like butterflies not nerves and it's because you like him like him.

I'd guess he likes you a lot too, if he had a casual sexual arrangement with you so was getting what most blokes want, and he asked for more.

MyPatronusIsACat · 22/09/2021 21:15
Confused
ABitOfAShitShow · 22/09/2021 21:19

Sounds to me like you just really like him! Hope you have a lovely time and it’s the start (ish) of something special!

PS. The nerves will go once you’re on the date. Otherwise, Valium. Or tequila.

Viviennemary · 22/09/2021 21:22

Why put yourself through this angst. Just cancel it.

Embroidery · 22/09/2021 21:32

Peculiar thread.

Surely the worst bit about dating is the worry of them seeing you naked / how you and they are in bed.

Must be a generational thing.
I'm more comfortable with conversation than sex. You're more comfortable with sex than conversation.
No offence x

On a lighter note, have fun, he sounds quite nice.

Ontheroadtorecovery · 22/09/2021 21:35

PS. The nerves will go once you’re on the date. Otherwise, Valium. Or tequila.

Just not both together 🤣

VenusTiger · 22/09/2021 21:44

I don't get it OP.
You've been on dinner dates already.
Why do you think you won't sleep together?

This is confusing.

RampantIvy · 22/09/2021 21:50

This is puzzling. You are comfortable enough to sleep with him, so I don't understand why you are nervous.

StressedAF · 22/09/2021 21:51

Aww I’m excited for you! Get dressed up, let him wine and dine you, have fun and enjoy!!

liddlelambsydivey · 22/09/2021 21:55

It all sounds a bit backwards, from my perspective. But whatever!

What do you have to lose? Either you both enjoy the date and take things from there or you realise the two of you aren't a good love-match, in which case you can always fall back on the "purely physical" style of relationship. It doesn't seem like much of a risk, either way.

Thedogisdrivingmemad · 22/09/2021 21:55

How do you sleep with someone without having some sort of date first? Genuinely old and perplexed. I mean I know about hook ups but did he literally walk in the door and you got down to it the first time?

Juke1 · 22/09/2021 21:55

This is really sweet…enjoy!

I married my Friend With Benefits Grin

Mydogmylife · 22/09/2021 21:57

@Viviennemary

Why put yourself through this angst. Just cancel it.
Oh ffs - don't be such a wet Nellie ! Sometimes you just have to make the effort, otherwise you'd do nothing !
LittleMissTeacup · 22/09/2021 21:58

I agree that it sounds like you have butterflies not nerves - I’m sure you’ll have a lovely time!
Sounds like you’re both into each other and probably the start of something more!

TheSpottedZebra · 22/09/2021 22:00

@VenusTiger

I don't get it OP. You've been on dinner dates already. Why do you think you won't sleep together?

This is confusing.

Because they're going to a bar (first), and it's frowned on in public?
iklboo · 22/09/2021 22:02

I had a FWB who I went on a 'date' with after several months. We've been married 17 years next month.

CoffeeChocolateGin · 22/09/2021 22:02

I'm excited for you!
I would guess the OP is nervous because it's more of a full-on conversation scenario.

SunscreenCentral · 22/09/2021 22:03

He wants to impress you, he's not offered a pub lunch (but maybe that would have been less stressful!)
Dress up, go out and enjoy yourself

rainyskylight · 22/09/2021 22:06

Butterfly nerves and also maybe because this means you might be opening up to him emotionally and both considering “something more” which can be a lot scarier than just having fun.

Don’t go too crazy on dressing up and make up - he already likes you and has seen you naked, you don’t have to dress to impress. Wear what you feel comfortable and your most attractive in. A blow dry maybe can do wonders.
Have a glass whilst getting ready and HAVE FUN!

hairybakers · 22/09/2021 22:09

Ooh I'm excited for you!

Terzani · 22/09/2021 22:12

I’m scared he’ll think I’m boring when we’re not sleeping together

I know the feeling Smile But think about it: maybe he is just as scared as you. Because he might seem the boring one, right? Besides, since he finds you really attractive and already enjoys your company, you simply can’t seem boring in his eyes, no matter what you say or do. So be yourself, feel free to enjoy the evening! Good luck and have fun!

MyPatronusIsACat · 22/09/2021 23:09

@Embroidery

Peculiar thread.

Surely the worst bit about dating is the worry of them seeing you naked / how you and they are in bed.

Must be a generational thing.
I'm more comfortable with conversation than sex. You're more comfortable with sex than conversation.
No offence x

On a lighter note, have fun, he sounds quite nice.

This ^ I literally do not get wtf the poster is on about.

She's been fucking someone for 6 months, and now he wants to actually date her, and she is nervous about it?

That seems to be the jist of it. But it makes fuck-all sense.

Pedalpushers · 22/09/2021 23:20

I think it's pretty obvious what OP is nervous about...she likes the guy and is worried that once he gets to know her outside of the physical side of things, he won't reciprocate her feelings.

I wouldn't worry OP, he already likes you enough to make the move to dating properly, I promise he is only going to like you even more than he does now.