Is it to late to change myself?

[Zd23]

I'm just feeling really really down. I'm still only young, I've got 2 kids. I feel so guilty thinking I haven't done enough for them, they are still so young but thinking about the past just stops me from wanting to do anything differently now. I hate who I have become, I never used to even raise my voice or get angry. I'm married and I feel my husband doesn't love me anymore even though he says he does. I've got problems with an eating disorder, I don't look after myself properly, I don't take pride in my appearance anymore and don't look after myself. Im only 25 but Ive made so many bad mistakes, some which I regret every day even though I know it's not going to change anything, but it's stopping me from moving forward in my life. I don't look forward to anything anymore, I'm hurting other people with my behaviour and it's affecting my children. I just don't want to be like this anymore and sometimes I feel like ending it all. I just want to feel happiness again and that I'm not alone ( I know I'm not but it feels like I am) I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so depressed, I'm suffering with an Ed and I just can't see a way out and I feel so horrible and guilty

So sorry you feel like this OP. It’s never too late to change and there are lots of talking therapies that could be helpful. Talk to your GP. Even if you have tried talking therapies before, a different therapist, therapeutic model or even done at a different time in life can mean different outcomes.

Can you give someone you trust a call now to talk about how you feel?

Don’t give up. The human brain can make new connections until we die. There is always hope.

Please make an emergency appointment to see your GP OP. Your brain is lyingng to you. You are worthy and loved.

No you absolutely are not too old to change. Please, please don’t waste time thinking of the past. Two young children at the age of 25 is a lot of responsibility so no wonder you feel down at times. As Lostmarbles said, please look for help via your GP or whatever. You are much too young to give up on yourself. You have your whole life ahead of you so look forward, not backwards and seek whatever help you need to enable you to lead a full and happy life. Do it for yourself, your children and your husband. Your husband loves you-you’ve said that he says so. You are worth too much to give up on yourself at 25. Young children are hard work, but it’ll get easier as they get older. Try not to worry about past mistakes. They’re in the past and worrying about them is futile. A good counsellor /therapist could help you move forward. Take that chance. You deserve it.

Hi Zd23,

We are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind but when any of our users are feeling this way we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

Some further support links:

NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Looking after your mental health
MIND: Coping with mental health problems during coronavirus

CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts

Very best wishes from MNHQ
We hope things look a lot brighter for you really soon

So sorry to hear how sad you're feeling. Am sending you some love and hugs because it sounds as though you need them. A visit to your GP might be a good idea and see if they can offer you someone to share all this worry and sadness with. Totally agree with all of @Lostmarbles2021 advice. Thinking of you.

Regardless of everything else, please always remind yourself that nothing stays the same forever and circumstances/mindsets/situations change all the time.

Stay strong for yourself first of all and then your children. You WILL feel better, just give yourself time.

so hard while they are so young Op, it will get easier!! but it may take time. One thing at a time. Have a look at the book "atomic habits" - shows you how to make big change through the smallest repeat actions. I can't recommend it enough.

Just sending you some thoughts and care OP. Best of luck.

Hey OP

How are you feeling now? Hope you're OK. Sending hugs

It really is NEVER to late to change yourself. I find people change all the time if I’m honest and I’ve noticed there seems to be stages too life. You have your childhood, then the teenage years, then the failing to find yourself years, then the child years, which also for some people entails being broke or loosing yourself, then the years where the kids are starting to grow up and then you find yourself changing again, your older and wiser and have more experience and develop into a different person slowly. Then you have the midlife crisis years, then if you didn’t travel when younger you have the travel years.

My life is almost going to be in reverse, I had kids at 21 which is classed as young depending on what area your from, I would say our lives are financially restricted, there at school now and it’s made a light at the end of the tunnel, I’m hoping it gets easier now, atleast until the teenage problems start anyway.

The last five years have been hard for us, but I realise it’s a stage in life and life changes.

Seek medical help and just hold on in there, you will get to your next stage soon.