High functioning asd and no interest in a diagnosis.

[coodawoodashooda]

Has this worked out for anyone? Does anyone wish that this is what they opted for?

The upshot is that blaming parents for failure to get diagnosis is erroneous.

Yet we have many children who's parents have decided not to have them assessed?

You say a lot about 'pushing' for a diagnosis, I'm not taking about that. I'm talking specifically about parents who will decide not to go ahead with an assessment, because even if it is raised by school, parents can and do choose not to have the child assessed.

If I was 12, I bet I'd be diagnosed. In SOME ways it would have given me a way of understanding and approaching some of my obsessive behaviours when I was younger (especially combined with teen hormones!!), but as an adult I don't see how it would make a blind bit of difference. If anything, I don't think it would be good for me.

I'm a bit weird. I don't love social situations. Have zero ability to read people at ALL.

But you know, it's fine. It's just me. I'm still happy.

@astoundedgoat

If I was 12, I bet I'd be diagnosed. In SOME ways it would have given me a way of understanding and approaching some of my obsessive behaviours when I was younger (especially combined with teen hormones!!), but as an adult I don't see how it would make a blind bit of difference. If anything, I don't think it would be good for me.

I'm a bit weird. I don't love social situations. Have zero ability to read people at ALL.

But you know, it's fine. It's just me. I'm still happy.

I would suggest you maybe don't fit the criteria for diagnosis then. It's not about being 'a bit weird'

Yet we have many children who's parents have decided not to have them assessed?

At what point? Not pursuing assessments or point blank refusing an assessment as recommended by professionals? Very difficult to do the latter I would imagine...

Op
You are concerned the school’s motivation is financial

You clearly have very little regard for the school

Why don’t you focus on a more appropriate one for your son rather than a diagnosis. That should be your priority

And then in a new environment - you will see whether all your earlier thoughts remain your son still stand

@Fluffypastelslippers

Was that not the posters point
That would have been diagnosed st 12
But now as an adult wouldn’t

[quote Saladovercrispsanyday]@Fluffypastelslippers

Was that not the posters point
That would have been diagnosed st 12
But now as an adult wouldn’t[/quote]

Autism doesn't go away. If you would have been diagnosed at 12 what makes you think that would change now you are an adult?

I can absolutely understand the link with trauma and ASD presenting like difficulties. I have some ASD traits since early childhood and raised in a difficult unsafe environment. I looked into the possibility of getting an asessment after people telling me they think i may be ASD, but the mental health team and trauma therapist treating me are adamant that these behaviours and traits are linked to Complex trauma and EUPD. as the dialectical behaviour therapy and trauma therapy has been working it seems likely they are right.

interestingly enough, my father and his sister (who also had a chaotic upbringing) have some ASD traits, and are convinced they may have it (how would one go about getting a diagnosis when they in their 70s?) and my sister believes she may be on spectrum also, (she does work with SEN diagnosed children and almost certainly has some possible traits of ADD (inattentive type) and is looking into getting an assessment as she struggles with aspects of her work and social life, so who knows?

@grasstreeleaf

Yet we have many children who's parents have decided not to have them assessed?

At what point? Not pursuing assessments or point blank refusing an assessment as recommended by professionals? Very difficult to do the latter I would imagine...

Goodness there are posts all over the internet from parents saying they haven't gone for assessment because they don't want to/don't feel it will be beneficial. This is not some oddity. It's happening regularly. Even on this thread there are examples of parents who have decided not to have their child assessed.

@Saladovercrispsanyday

Sorry said it wasn't you, you were just asking.

So if that poster would have been diagnosed at 12 why would they not be autistic anymore now they are an adult?

[quote Fluffypastelslippers]@Saladovercrispsanyday

Sorry said it wasn't you, you were just asking.

So if that poster would have been diagnosed at 12 why would they not be autistic anymore now they are an adult?[/quote]
That’s her point!!!

That you can be incorrectly diagnosed

@Saladovercrispsanyday

And my point is that you really can't. You have to meet the criteria and if you have the deficits in the areas which meet said criteria then you will be autistic. How you cope, present and manage, and the traits you experience naturally change over time, but ultimately if you meet the criteria, you are autistic.

[quote Fluffypastelslippers]@Saladovercrispsanyday

And my point is that you really can't. You have to meet the criteria and if you have the deficits in the areas which meet said criteria then you will be autistic. How you cope, present and manage, and the traits you experience naturally change over time, but ultimately if you meet the criteria, you are autistic. [/quote]
Agreed
The poster was taking about the possibility of mid diagnosis

Which is of course a possibility

My dd was told aged 16 that she couldn’t be given a dx of asd as she likes music and can travel to college , and in the same breath was told “however, I have no doubt that if you’d been in the system aged 6 or 7 you would have been given a dx”

Her younger sister already had a dx. It was the dx process that made me realise older dd was actually autistic and not just stubborn, awkward, headstrong, demanding etc

I didn’t have the strength to fight anymore and just accepted what they said. I wish I could turn back the clock. Dd is now early 20’s, still struggles, but she can’t see the point of seeking dx again. I see how it would help her (work, hospitals etc) but we just amble along.

OP - as others have said - you won’t receive a dx unless every aspect of criteria is met. So your dc will only be dx if they actually have asd. A dx is not given lightly. If there’s background/history of abuse in whatever form it actually makes the process much more vigorous.

I personally don’t like the things/beliefs you’re posting, you sound judgemental, naive, superior and so much more.

@TheHouseIsOnFire

My DS and his dad have both chosen not to pursue a diagnosis. They both work in a field where they are assessed and scrutinised annually for suitability to do the job, and anything ‘out of the ordinary’ would need costly extra medical investigation and certification to enable them to continue with their license intact, so they are both content to privately assume ASD, with all the benefits their special interests and skills bring to the table, but without a formal diagnosis.

If you’re in a field where there is extra support or funding I can see why it would be a good thing, but in a world where it could lose you your license to practice then it makes total sense not to draw attention to it.

Can you give an example of a working environment where someone with a diagnosis of ASD would be stuck off because if their diagnosis? If your DS and DH told their boss they both have ASD and they were diagnosed then they were fired, there would be the biggest tribunal and quite right.

If an employer deems someone with ASD not capable of a job, when clearly they absolutely are, as proven by your family then surely a diagnosis would help stop the stigma?

Personally I think not pursuing a diagnosis of your child because you are worried it would prohibit them from a very specific career (what are these careers that don't allow ASC individuals) is wrong. I would far rather my child is understood and supported well before this point.

My son was diagnosed at 2. Everything I do is to better understand him and how I can support him to be happy and content.

@grasstreeleaf

I think people are forgetting that diagnosis doesn't happen in isolation. It's not up to parents to diagnose or schools. If people are concerned at school or nursery an initial assessment is done to decide if further assessments are needed. If parents are concerned they can see their GP too.

The upshot is that blaming parents for failure to get diagnosis is erroneous. You shouldn't have to 'push' for diagnosis. What is this 'pushing', is it 'lying'?, 'twisting the truth', 'distorting the child's additional needs'? For assessments to be accurate an accurate picture of how the child is need to be formed. It is an assessment and the diagnosis happens on the say so of a number of professionals. 'Pushing' a diagnosis through is all wrong, makes it sound as if it is not in anyway professional, unbiased or scientific...

No, the "pushing" is about overcoming barriers to access a proper assessment. That's "all" a parent asks for, an assessment by a suitably qualified person. But getting to that point for us involved a hell of a lot of pushing and waiting. IME with a child who's academically succeeding in mainstream, there are no "others" who are benevolently checking all the children to see if there's any possible undiagnosed autism, and pulling reluctant parents kicking and screaming to add their children's names to the already crammed waiting lists for assessment. In some boroughs even the waiting lists are closed.

No, the "pushing" is about overcoming barriers to access a proper assessment. That's "all" a parent asks for, an assessment by a suitably qualified person. But getting to that point for us involved a hell of a lot of pushing and waiting.

And I expect, you felt this was worthwhile and necessary for your child @TastyToastie. That your child needed extra support.

IME with a child who's academically succeeding in mainstream, there are no "others" who are benevolently checking all the children to see if there's any possible undiagnosed autism, and pulling reluctant parents kicking and screaming to add their children's names to the already crammed waiting lists for assessment.

However, the parents that don't kick and scream should not be automatically judged as being somehow wrong in their decision. Perhaps they would be kicking and screaming, if the extra support was vitally needed because it would be clearly evident in their child's general well being and behaviour. If they genuinely don't notice how can they be blamed if the school doesn't genuinely notice either? Equally they are uncertain and the (gatekeeper) professionals don't recommend assessment they could be forgiven for believing them.

@coodawoodashooda

But what if you couldn't pursue your chosen career because of your diagnosis?

This is absolutely a thing. I have an older child who was diagnosed with a related “disorder” but has subsequently decided not to disclosed at all publicly because she found it made life more difficult and she was told she couldn’t do things that she clearly could. She’s now a qualified health professional and clearly didn’t believe that could be achieved if she was open about her diagnosis.

At the end of the day, there are no right or wrong answers about this. It’s a personal choice for the parent and for the child and then for them as an adult. The answer may change over time.

From my own point of view, as someone who spent years working on anti-discrimination and helping people overcome the discrimination they face, I am clear that if there isn’t a specific measurable benefit to our younger child, I wouldn’t make a choice to label them. That in no way prevents them from making a different choice later. My work showed me that prejudice and discriminaction are insidious and often lead the person being discriminated against to believe it is somehow their fault. Personally, we decided that having a diagnosis only to prove it was ok to be different played to discrimination rather than challenging it and it is discrimination that prevents most high functioning ASD children from participating, not ability.

For the record though, I have spoke to my other child about this today to double check he’s happy with that or whether he would like a diagnosis and currently he prefers to continue without.

So there you go.

There seems to be a feeling that diagnosis somehow protects people from discrimination or at least allows them to take lengthy and costly, greatly stressful, legal action that enables them to “combat” discrimination. It’s true that there will be some people who want to go down that path and they absolutely should if that is what they feel is the right battle for them. For many that action will simply be too overwhelming though and I think we can see from other areas of life that it doesn’t actually make discrimination disappear at all. It just makes discriminators behave in a “clever” fashion.

I hope we can celebrate the insights ASD differences bring (even if they are often accompanied by some stress and a few tears). The world doesn’t generally become more accepting of difference or if it does it takes its sweet time about it so the key, diagnosis or not, is to find those people, however many or few, who accept you as you are. Frankly that’s a challenge for most of us, not just those with ASD but it is where the happiest lives are.

Hope you found the answer you were looking for in any of that! 🤷‍♀️

I’m going back to my dumb phone tomorrow. The inter webs is exhausting

There seems to be a feeling that diagnosis somehow protects people from discrimination or at least allows them to take lengthy and costly, greatly stressful, legal action that enables them to “combat” discrimination.

It's not a 'feeling' - it's a protected characteristic by law.

I think that is what i think. Thank you.

It's not a 'feeling' - it's a protected characteristic by law.

Like being female is?

I doubt any parents out there would be putting their children through an assessment if they didn't believe their child would benefit though.

@chickenandchipsinabasket

I doubt any parents out there would be putting their children through an assessment if they didn't believe their child would benefit though.

Absolutely! But equally people should respect parents that don't. There is obviously an uncertainty there concerning whether their child would actually benefit from the support which is available. And without assessment their child cannot actually be considered to be autistic and actually there is a strong possibility they aren't. Otherwise, the pressure to assess would be stronger (from the experiences with their child or from professionals who'll deal with their child.).