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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm a show off ...aibu?

35 replies

loulouvoo · 22/09/2021 18:12

Around 4 months ago I started a new relationship.
After having a really nasty ex who treated me horrible,I'm happy and my now bf is lovely to me.
Every week we go out for a meal or drinks.
We've had a couple of weekends away and have booked up for November.
Stayed in a few nice hotels and we are in that stage of "doing fun things"
I'm aware it won't always be fun like this so I'm enjoying it.

I have posted a few things on fb and my best friend rings me every few days and asks my plans so obviously I tell her.
Told her I'm away at the weekend and she seemed a bit miffed.
Then she sent a text to the group chat by accident obviously meant for someone else
"Oh she's off gallivanting again,she's never in the bloody house,what a show off"
"Don't know how she affords it all"

I'm a bit hurt
Should I lie when she asks what I'm doing?
Do I not tell her ?

OP posts:
Hamster1111 · 22/09/2021 18:16

Oh I'm sorry they said that and you saw it. It's not nice they were gossiping behind your back.

Perhaps she is upset she hasn't seen you for a while? Did you see her a lot when you were single and now she feels sidelined?

I think you need to message your friend and have a conversation about it. Presumably she knows you saw the message

andtheweedonkey · 22/09/2021 18:16

You could reply with...

"yes, and I'm having an amazing amount of fantastic sex too! Aren't I the lucky one Grin "

Notaroadrunner · 22/09/2021 18:17

Why not just respond "Didn't realise I was showing off. You're the one who asked my plans - I'll know not to tell you from now on".

Mrstamborineman · 22/09/2021 18:18

She’s a jealous friend. Not worth investing in her.

EL8888 · 22/09/2021 18:18

She’s jealous and rude. I would call her out on it

Somuddled · 22/09/2021 18:18

How do you know it is about you? It is massive annoying when people brag abut it is terrible to be meaning about people behind their back.

girlmom21 · 22/09/2021 18:19

Just respond with "oh, who?"

AppleKatie · 22/09/2021 18:21

I think I’d just reply -

‘Happy for you too!’

And then ignore her for a month or so…

MissMogwai · 22/09/2021 18:21

Don't say anything, just let her sweat it out when she realises what she's done. 🤣

Neonplant · 22/09/2021 18:26

I've been with my partner for 17 years and we still do this stuff. Good you're having fun but don't let it wane to a boring life like your friend seems to have. She's just jealous. However can you reflect on how braggy you're being on social media or when speaking to her?

Some people are really sensitive to others lifestyle of they aren't happy with their own so it's most probably this rather than you.

DressBitch · 22/09/2021 18:27

Did you reply?!

Aquamarine1029 · 22/09/2021 18:31

Your best friend is a viper in the grass. She's slagging you off to other people due to her jealousy and immaturity. I sincerely hope you tell her to fuck off.

PhoboPhobia · 22/09/2021 18:31

‘She’s off Galivanting again’ smacks of meanness.

I have a very close friend who was in a similar situation to you a few years back. I did see less of her for a bit but that’s because she had previously been single for a while. I didn’t get jealous, I was happy for her.

Wishimaywishimight · 22/09/2021 18:31

She's absolutely not your "best friend". She is jealous and mean spirited. Best friends are happy when your life is going well.

I would reply "Oh who are we talking about" just so she knows you have read the message.

Underamour · 22/09/2021 18:32

She’s jealous. It’s a shame she doesn’t share your happiness so just tone it down when you speak to her.

TillyTopper · 22/09/2021 18:32

I wouldn't reply but I'd withdraw a bit from the friendship. Don't tell her stuff, then she can't make catty remarks, it's probably jealousy.

cravingthelook · 22/09/2021 18:34

She was mean and insensitive saying those things but I'm going to play devils advocate here and say she is potentially feeling pushed out and doesn't know how to explain it without coming across as petty.

My best friend is in a fairly newish relationship (just over a year) and I'm chuffed to bits for her, he's a great guy. That said I've been totally pushed out. She no longer does our stuff on our child free weekends because she's doing all the fun stuff with him. She no longer does kid stuff together on our parenting weekends because she does that with him and his kids.
We used to see each other at least 4 times a week and speak most days. And now I'm lucky if I see her once a month and talk once a week. The problem for me is when we do spend time together all she wants to do is talk about him (well she is loved up) or tell me what I'm doing wrong in my dating journey.

I have tried to explain it and it's brushed off. I've just left her to get on with it and genuinely hope it works out for her.
I would never gossip behind her back and I'm only posting here so you can see the other perspective. I genuinely feel like we'll never be as close as we once were.
I have prioritised other friendships and continue my dating journey without telling her about it.

Just look at what and how you are doing things and make sure you prioritise the friendship without it being the only topic of conversation.

cravingthelook · 22/09/2021 18:36

Oh and I'm not saying she is right in her behaviour. Jealousy is a secondary emotion... so it's coming from somewhere.

toocold54 · 22/09/2021 18:47

Honestly I used to get so fed up with people posting their entire lives on SM which is why I came off it.
Obviously it’s your life but constantly posting about a guy you’ve only been dating for 4 months does seem a bit full on.
Maybe she is just worried that you are rushing things with a new person especially if you had a horrible ex she may just be overprotective and doesn’t want you getting hurt again but it’s coming across as anger/jealousy instead.

Notimeforaname · 22/09/2021 18:48

Ah the jealous oul boot! Dont mind her op.
Enjoy every moment of what you haveGrin And document it in the group chat.

itsgettingwierd · 22/09/2021 18:49

@girlmom21

Just respond with "oh, who?"
I like this.
itsgettingwierd · 22/09/2021 18:50

Oh and my parents have been married for 43 years.

They've been doing more of this stuff recently because they are both retired now.

I'm really pleased you've found someone you can enjoy spending time with and aren't terrified of. I wish you all the best Thanks

WoozySnoozy · 22/09/2021 18:52

Yes I'd reply and say who?

SunnyLeaf · 22/09/2021 18:53

What a jealous cow

NigellaSeed · 22/09/2021 18:53

That's so harsh, she knows about your previous terrible relationship? A good friend would be happy for you, and it's all new so of course you're going to want to share how happy you are, I wouldnt be friends with someone who talked behind my back.