To block them? | Mumsnet

Sunshinedaisy1890 · 2021-09-22T13:38:36+00:00

Hi all, I'm after some advice and opinions on what you would do in my situation! I used to be very close to a couple of friends, we were involved in each others weddings, used to go on holidays together, I have kids which they were amazing with (they don't have any yet) I regarded them as best friends etc we got on so well. Rewind to last year and we started drifting apart during lockdown despite trying to make efforts to meet up etc. We haven't actually spoken this year as I decided to stop trying and they haven't bothered to contact me. Thing is, I have a social media page which they follow and watch intently, I have a fairly large following which helps me earn a small wage and so going private is not an option. However, since announcing some big changes in our lives (health situations etc) I've not had one message from them, yet they continue to watch everything I do. It's starting to get me down and I have considered blocking them, but to be honest I feel childish in doing so! So my question is, do I let them carry on and try and ignore how it makes me feel or do I just get rid? I appreciate this may sound petty certainly for someone my age [blush] but appreciate any opinions to stop me going mad!

Anoisagusaris · 22/09/2021 14:40

Maybe they feel it’s nothing major if you see announcing it to the world rather than personally to your actual friends?

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 22/09/2021 14:40

Wait… so many questions…
How do you know they «watch» everything you do?
You’re upset because they haven’t reached out to you?
Have you reached out to them???

Original poster

Sunshinedaisy1890 · 22/09/2021 14:46

I reached out numerous times last year and was always left awaiting responses, it got to the point where I decided to leave it be as I was fed up of trying.

To be honest I've felt awkward about getting in touch with them about my health as so many messages had gone unanswered and I didn't want to be rejected again.

I can see who watches my stories etc

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CyclingIsNotOuting · 22/09/2021 14:47

I wouldn’t block them as it’s feels very final and you may want to get the friendship back one day.
If someone blocked or deleted me for not getting in touch when they hadn’t bothered with me all year, that would be the end of the friendship for me.
Maybe they feel that following you on SM is keeping in touch?

Lavender24 · 22/09/2021 14:50

I think blocking them would be quite pointless and silly. There are lots of friends/acquaintances I haven't seen or spoken to in ages but I still follow their social media pages.

Balonzette · 22/09/2021 14:50

So they've been actively ignoring your messages?

If so, I'd probably block them, as it would ve really upsetting for me to see them watching my page and knowing what I'm going through but ignoring me.

I'd probably message them first and explain how I'm feeling though, give them one more chance.

girlmom21 · 22/09/2021 14:50

I watch people's Instagram stories (or press and flick through them really quickly) without really paying much attention.

I don't really know why you're making health declarations that way anyway. It's a bit needy.

Original poster

Sunshinedaisy1890 · 22/09/2021 14:50

That does make sense perhaps that's why they watch I don't know.
I can't help but feel hurt by it all though when I was the only one reaching out last year to get nothing back. Nothing was reciprocated and many many messages were left read and not responded to. I didn't feel like reaching out again was the right thing to do I guess.
After so many times would you try reaching out again? I guess I'm scared of rejection again, I loved them so much they were great pals and I have no idea what I've done!

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Original poster

Sunshinedaisy1890 · 22/09/2021 14:53

@girlmom21

I watch people's Instagram stories (or press and flick through them really quickly) without really paying much attention.

I don't really know why you're making health declarations that way anyway. It's a bit needy.

I can see how it comes across needy, however I wanted to share my journey with others to help them too and bring awareness, there's plenty of women out there in the same situation and it's been nice to have people in similar situations reach out.

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Neveratruerfriend · 22/09/2021 14:54

I'm in a similar predicament myself, in that I have a group of friends where we used to be regularly in contact but since covid, I have reached out to them and am not getting much back. I feel like you, fed up of trying and not wanting to get in touch again as I'm feeling rejected already.

I don't think you should block your "friends" though - keep it neutral and leave them be. At least if they have a change of heart and decide to contact you they will be able to do so. But if you block them that is a very clear message, ie "piss off", so you will be burning any bridges.

CyclingIsNotOuting · 22/09/2021 14:56

After so many times would you try reaching out again?
No I wouldn’t, I’d probably just accept the relationship in person had run it’s course.
Sorry OP, I know that hurts, especially if you are in poor health.
If it helps to know I suffered badly with poor mental health last year and very few people actually seemed to care. So I relate to feeling like people have let you down. It took me a long time to realise that those people added very little to my life in the first place, so not seeing them in person hasn’t been such a bad thing now. In fact, it’s freed my time up to spend on things that make me feel better.

Original poster

Sunshinedaisy1890 · 22/09/2021 14:57

@Neveratruerfriend

I'm in a similar predicament myself, in that I have a group of friends where we used to be regularly in contact but since covid, I have reached out to them and am not getting much back. I feel like you, fed up of trying and not wanting to get in touch again as I'm feeling rejected already.

I don't think you should block your "friends" though - keep it neutral and leave them be. At least if they have a change of heart and decide to contact you they will be able to do so. But if you block them that is a very clear message, ie "piss off", so you will be burning any bridges.

Sorry to hear you're in a similar situation. It's not a nice feeling is it!

Perhaps blocking was the wrong phrase, but I can limit things they watch. I don't know if it would make me feel better or not. I'm constantly questioning what I've done wrong and it's getting to the point where I don't know what to do anymore for my own sanity.

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nyktipolos · 22/09/2021 14:58

Op they may not actually be watching your stories. It clicks from one to the other, so you don't know whose is coming next. So she could be just watching stories, come across yours, think you aren't bothering with her and just click through.

I am confused about announcing health problems though. That's not quite the same as supporting other people with the same health problem. Are you setting up support groups or something? Because it could be just coming across a but odd.

samwitwicky · 22/09/2021 15:00

Sorry if I missed it but why did you decide to stop trying with them?

Original poster

Sunshinedaisy1890 · 22/09/2021 15:02

@CyclingIsNotOuting

After so many times would you try reaching out again? No I wouldn’t, I’d probably just accept the relationship in person had run it’s course. Sorry OP, I know that hurts, especially if you are in poor health. If it helps to know I suffered badly with poor mental health last year and very few people actually seemed to care. So I relate to feeling like people have let you down. It took me a long time to realise that those people added very little to my life in the first place, so not seeing them in person hasn’t been such a bad thing now. In fact, it’s freed my time up to spend on things that make me feel better.

Thank you for this! I think I already know the relationship has run it's course. I can't help but feel hurt at the fact that I would've reached out to them had they of been in my situation

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Original poster

Sunshinedaisy1890 · 22/09/2021 15:04

@nyktipolos

Op they may not actually be watching your stories. It clicks from one to the other, so you don't know whose is coming next. So she could be just watching stories, come across yours, think you aren't bothering with her and just click through.

I am confused about announcing health problems though. That's not quite the same as supporting other people with the same health problem. Are you setting up support groups or something? Because it could be just coming across a but odd.

Due to the nature of my page/business it was necessary. Plus for the social side of meeting people in the same situation.

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Original poster

Sunshinedaisy1890 · 22/09/2021 15:05

@samwitwicky

Sorry if I missed it but why did you decide to stop trying with them?

Lots of messages have gone unanswered, after trying several times and I guess I felt awkward trying again after no contact.

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pinkyredrose · 22/09/2021 15:05

However, since announcing some big changes in our lives (health situations etc) I've not had one message from them, yet they continue to watch everything I do.

Why on earth wouldn't you speak to them directly about what's going on in your life? I'd be pretty aggrieved if a good friend announced big news to the world but didn't mention a thing about it to me, especially if they themselves were aggrieved that i hadn't then asked them about it.

You're pissed off at them for not talking to you but you didn't tell them your news in the first place, you just let them find out.

Original poster

Sunshinedaisy1890 · 22/09/2021 15:09

@pinkyredrose

However, since announcing some big changes in our lives (health situations etc) I've not had one message from them, yet they continue to watch everything I do.

Why on earth wouldn't you speak to them directly about what's going on in your life? I'd be pretty aggrieved if a good friend announced big news to the world but didn't mention a thing about it to me, especially if they themselves were aggrieved that i hadn't then asked them about it.

You're pissed off at them for not talking to you but you didn't tell them your news in the first place, you just let them find out.

Because quite frankly I didn't want the rejection again after reaching out so many times to have so many messages gone unanswered I didn't want to burden them with my problems! I guess I felt awkward to bring it up because we haven't had much of a relationship and I didn't want them to feel like they had to be involved. Perhaps it was the wrong thing to do, but I genuinely didn't know how to reach out and approach the situation after not speaking for so long.

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waybill · 22/09/2021 15:17

Stop with the social media/messaging/reaching out nonsense.

Pick up the phone and call them.

nyktipolos · 22/09/2021 15:18

Due to the nature of my page/business it was necessary. Plus for the social side of meeting people in the same situation.

Tbh, it's probably me, but I am confused about why your business would need you to tell people your medical details.

Perhaps it was the wrong thing to do, but I genuinely didn't know how to reach out and approach the situation after not speaking for so long.

I can't work out why you want to now reach out. You were going to block them. You decided if they didn't contact you, you wouldn't contact them.

If its run its course, its run its course.

Original poster

Sunshinedaisy1890 · 22/09/2021 15:24

That's ok you don't have to understand why I've done it, I felt I needed to and therefore I did, and I'm glad I did.

That comment was in reply to someone asking why I haven't reached out, not saying I now want to reach out. I was simply answering their question.

Thank you for your input everyone, it's been good to see this from a different point of view and I appreciate that. I have decided not to block them and maybe when things have calmed down a bit I will try reaching out again.

Enjoy the rest of your day.

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Neveratruerfriend · 22/09/2021 15:39

@waybill

Stop with the social media/messaging/reaching out nonsense.

Pick up the phone and call them.

But when you've faced rejection, to pick up the phone is a very hard thing to do, especially as these days - actually phoning people up is seen as really in your face and the tactic of last resort.

Why can't her friends simply respond to her texts? If they can't even be bothered to do that I'm sure they certainly won't welcome a phone call from her.

billy1966 · 22/09/2021 16:03

I think I would leave the relationship go.
They know where you are.

MatildaTheCat · 22/09/2021 16:13

I have people on SM that I’m no longer in touch with but still read their updates with interest. So that could be pretty normal.

I haven’t ignored their messages though, that’s not nice.