AIBU: OH family is draining me

[NewAndTired]

AIBU if I don't want to see my OH family every week?
Context me and OH don't live together currently but have got 9w old. We both live with our families. OH works a rolling shift pattern and has four days off every time his working week ends. He uses those days off to visit me and baby and to help out as I do it mostly alone the rest of the time!
Since baby was born, each time OH has his days off we have been staying at his families house. In the beginning I didn't mind as I wanted them to meet and bond with baby. However, 9w later I am starting to get frustrated and drained. I end up being more tired even though it's supposed to be when I can relax a little as OH is there to help! I don't get to catch up on what I need to do because I'm not home & end up more tired than if I was staying at my house. It has resulted in bickering every time I am there!
It also puts baby out of routine as they refuse naps (not a great napper anyway as too alert) and are constantly being fussed and held. If I try and take baby away for a feed/ nap/ quiet time I get a guilty feeling like they are not happy with me. Also had a situation with MIL not being happy that I didn't eat dinner at same time as them because it clashed with bath and bed time( I think baby routine should come first
They have also never offered to take babe to let me nap or have time to myself, I am expected to just watch them fuss him and be on hand for sick and crying
AIBU if I try to phase out staying there every time OH is off work? My thoughts is that they wouldn't see babe this much if we were living together (4days in every 10) so why am I made to feel they should see babe every time OH is free from work. We get no alone time and I end up more exhausted than usual!

I don't think you should live with this man.

He doesn't put you or the DC first he's putting himself then his family first.

I just left a man who was just like this. Believe me we started out similar to you and it got so so much worse. It went down hill when we moved from my parents house to a house of our own and I realised I was having to do everything while he swanned in for whatever fun buts he wanted to do.

He doesn't want to help properly or he would have sorted things out so he could be with you as much as possible instead he expects you to sort things out so he and his family can spend time with the baby.

Its so wrong!

Fuck that. It’s no wonder you’re feeling drained. It would be hard enough if they were supportive but they don’t sound great.
As an aside, I can’t see why you’re not looking for a place to rent together.

@TiredButDancing

So, to sum up:

4 days a week, OH goes to work, comes home to his mum and, I assume, gets to sleep as he likes and probably has meals prepared, clothes washed etc. During those 4 days you are a single parent but with some help from your family because you live with your parents.

Then 4 days a week YOU upset YOUR routine and the baby's routine so that your OH can continue to live in his nice comfortable home with his mum and dad. During those 4 days, you do 90% of the heavy lifting in terms of caring for your DC, while your OH and his family swan around enjoying cuddles and play time?

WTAF?

This is a flat no. You and baby stay where you are. Your OH comes to YOU for 4 days. If necessary, you can all go to see his family once a week. Or his family can come to you! What a load of bollocks that they've convinced you this is a reasonable option.

Perfect summary right here x

@pinkyredrose

We'd live together in a heartbeat if we could!

You can though, what's stopping you looking for a flat to rent together?

Have you heard of money, Pinky?

It's quite useful for stuff like renting flats, but in sadly short supply, so not everybody has enough of it.

HTH

Didn't expect so many responses but sadly I'm not surprised that everyone is in unison!

To answer some of the frequent questions;

• we haven't been renting as he started a new career start of this year and is on the base salary so wouldn't be enough for a one income household as I do not have a job / one to go back to once MA ends.
• OH is a very hands on dad and is happy to muck in and isn't there just for play time and cuddles, he does all of the night shifts (other than the feed, which he places DS on me, I feed, then takes back off to settle) so does try in that sense, it's more the family taking all the good bits!
• I agree he deffo doesn't want to upset family but I am ready to put my foot down, this has made me realise I was being too soft

@NewAndTired

Didn't expect so many responses but sadly I'm not surprised that everyone is in unison!

To answer some of the frequent questions;

• we haven't been renting as he started a new career start of this year and is on the base salary so wouldn't be enough for a one income household as I do not have a job / one to go back to once MA ends.
• OH is a very hands on dad and is happy to muck in and isn't there just for play time and cuddles, he does all of the night shifts (other than the feed, which he places DS on me, I feed, then takes back off to settle) so does try in that sense, it's more the family taking all the good bits!
• I agree he deffo doesn't want to upset family but I am ready to put my foot down, this has made me realise I was being too soft

good....

this is your life experience .. your first child..

enjoy it 🌸