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AIBU?

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Original poster

New guy I’m dating says not everything is about sex

36 replies

cyalatersally · 21/09/2021 23:52

Dating for 5 months. Nothing was set in stone at the beginning (we met through a shared academia community).

We were having fun for the first 2 months and I made it clear I was into/okay with casual sex as long as we were exclusively doing so (health and respect reasons). He agreed. Wasn’t that casual though. Spoke daily, meeting every 3 days or so. He got me gifts. Holidays etc

around 3 months in he admitted feelings for me and wanted to see me more seriously. I did like him a lot too, so we started a more serious thing.

Since then he’s made comments all the time when I’ve made a joke.

Example:

Me: sorry I can’t come tonight I’ve got a XYZ. Miss you!

Him: no worries, you will make it up to me, miss you more

Me: you always get my full attention in the bedroom ;)

Him: I didn’t mean sex, not everything on my mind is about Just having sex with you

I was a bit Confused about that... surely it’s just an innocent flirty thing I’m doing?

Aibu to think his reply is weird?

OP posts:
DobbyHP · 21/09/2021 23:55

Personally I don't think his reply is weird. I think it sounds like he respects you and wants you to know the relationship isn't only about the sex.

He clearly wants more than just sex

LarryUnderwood · 21/09/2021 23:58

Yeah, I would say your response comes across as trying to keep it about sex and his is not. Neither are weird but seems like you and him are not on the same page.

MorriseysGladioli · 21/09/2021 23:58

I suppose it depends if you often turn the conversation to sex.
I know it's bloody horrible when a man does it.

Mymapuddlington · 21/09/2021 23:59

Bless him, sounds like he’s trying to be respectful and wants more than just sex.

WorraLiberty · 22/09/2021 00:00

I think in the context of the conversation, his reply is more fitting than yours really.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 22/09/2021 00:01

I'd be quite offended if I got that reply to a flirty text
It would put me off trying to flirt in future and probably put me off initiating sex too which is not a fun place to be

PoolNooodle · 22/09/2021 00:02

Yeh your reply was weird, I don't like when people always turn something into sex, especially in random conversation!

OlympicProcrastinator · 22/09/2021 00:04

I think your response sounds more weird and cringey than his OP sorry! That conversation sounds like conversations I’ve had with men and the man says what you said and I’ve thought ‘jeez why has he brought it round to sex again’ I think he sounds nice and like PP said, it’s annoying when men do what you’ve done in that convo.

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 22/09/2021 00:10

"Him: no worries, you will make it up to me, miss you more"

Hmm. I think this is a bit odd for him to say, "you will make it up to me", is that a command or a statement?! Sounds a bit odd anyway. Maybe he was a bit put out that you cancelled on him and then seemed to be making it about sex?

Original poster
cyalatersally · 22/09/2021 00:10

Obviously conversation not word for word. Didn’t want to say exactly what was said but it was a lighthearted comment

I guess I find it more bizarre because he’s very innuendo a lot of the time... always flirting and being a bit tongue in cheek.

This comment is the first time he’s said anything to the type of comments we both say... after 5 months?

OP posts:
Mymapuddlington · 22/09/2021 00:13

Since then he’s made comments all the time
This comment is the first time he’s said anything

So which is it?

OlympicProcrastinator · 22/09/2021 00:13

This time though he wasn’t making any innuendo.

You took it as such and responded accordingly.

He corrected you as he didn’t mean ‘make it up to me’ in a sexual way and he wanted you to know that.

That is all.

DixonD · 22/09/2021 00:16

Yours was weirder OP. Actually, his wasn’t weird at all.

Original poster
cyalatersally · 22/09/2021 00:23

@Mymapuddlington

This was the first comment. He’s made subsequent comments since then. I didn’t want to type them all out though

OP posts:
avamiah · 22/09/2021 00:29

Best to be straight with him and talk face to face.

Pretenditsaplan · 22/09/2021 00:33

So he's telling you as much as the sex is good hes caught feelings for you and and wants you to see him as more then just a sex partner. He wants you to see him as a proper relationship the same way he sees you.

Aquamarine1029 · 22/09/2021 00:40

I think your comment about "full attention in the bedroom" was cringeworthy and weird. His response was mature and respectful.

Crimsonripple · 22/09/2021 00:44

Stop reading into it and making something where there isn't! Just enjoy your relationship!

Snugglybuggly · 22/09/2021 00:49

You are massively overthinking this

notangelinajolie · 22/09/2021 01:09

New guy I’m dating says not everything is about sex

Well no, it's not. He was trying to be nice. Not sure what your problem is here Confused

SirenSays · 22/09/2021 01:14

Men saying "You'll make it up to me" always makes me feel a bit ill but tbf every single time I've heard it it's been about sex.

HahaAreyouSerious · 22/09/2021 01:19

Ever thought about being adults and actually having a conversation instead of relying on whatever replies you get here?

I mean, one suggests he's commanding sex from you!

Stop asking daft questions like this and communicate. I assume when you say "academia" you don't mean secondary school...

Muffinsandfruitcakes · 22/09/2021 01:27

Your reply sounds like something my ex would say. He would always turn a perfectly harmless conversation into something about sex. He could even turn a bog standard eye examination into something about sex and throw in a few innuendos in the presence of the optician as well 🤮 Thankfully I got rid. The guy you are dating sounds like he is being respectful and wants more than just sex in a relationship.

Lweji · 22/09/2021 01:38

With the back story, I think he's developing deeper feelings for you and he wants you to know it.
But I suspect he still feels you're still about the sex (still more casual).

He wants the conversation to be deeper more than flirty/sexy. And reassurance that you feel the same as him.

Ehhhhhhhh · 22/09/2021 01:42

Your response is awful tbf. Far worse than his you sound like the sex pest if anyone is. He comes across decent.

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