New guy I’m dating says not everything is about sex

[cyalatersally]

Dating for 5 months. Nothing was set in stone at the beginning (we met through a shared academia community).

We were having fun for the first 2 months and I made it clear I was into/okay with casual sex as long as we were exclusively doing so (health and respect reasons). He agreed. Wasn’t that casual though. Spoke daily, meeting every 3 days or so. He got me gifts. Holidays etc

around 3 months in he admitted feelings for me and wanted to see me more seriously. I did like him a lot too, so we started a more serious thing.

Since then he’s made comments all the time when I’ve made a joke.

Example:

Me: sorry I can’t come tonight I’ve got a XYZ. Miss you!

Him: no worries, you will make it up to me, miss you more

Me: you always get my full attention in the bedroom ;)

Him: I didn’t mean sex, not everything on my mind is about Just having sex with you

I was a bit about that... surely it’s just an innocent flirty thing I’m doing?

Aibu to think his reply is weird?

I agree that your comment is the one that is a bit off / weird , do you have sex every time you see him as your comment implies that the relationship is purely down to sex .

God, I think he sounds lovely and I'm pleased men like him exist!

I've been on the receiving end of the opposite. Men who make everything into innuendo about sex and its tedious, tiresome and makes me feel like I'm just a piece of meat.

Not everything is about sex. He's right. Lucky you that he appreciates more about you than just the fucking side. I would have been fed up to receive your reply too.

5 months is the perfect point for things to start to grate and emerge as bigger issues. For example, if one partner is trying to be vulnerable and forge a genuine emotional connection and the other is always deflecting that with humour or sex. Maybe you aren't compatible long term. Or maybe you both need to work towards better communication, compromise, honesty about needs and whether they are being met.

your text is a bit sex pesty. randomly turning normal conversation into a sexual one out of the blue. Cringe

From the outset, it looks like he's more serious about the relationship than you are.

You've said he has feelings for you. Do you feel the same about him? You've said he comments whenever you make a joke, so does that mean you're always bringing it back to sex and he's always trying to be more serious?

I don't think either of you are wrong, but maybe you just want different things from each other. Time to have a discussion and see if it's likely to work in the long term.

Don't overcomplicate things OP, it is just a text. He probably just wanted to reassure you he is interested not just in a physical side of your relationship. It doesn't mean he is not interested in sex. Your text is fine too.

You made it about sex, adding 'in the bedroom' to your text, nothing weird about his reply.

His reply is great. Yours is random. Are you serious about him?

I think his reply was a bit of a put down. If he's ok with him doing innuendo and sex talk but not you, then its probably that usual madonna whore complex, he doesn't want you to be 'like that' except when he wants you to be. Not a big deal though.

Maybe he thought that the 'you'll make it up to me' came across as sexually a bit pushy or suggestive and wanted to show it wasn't meant that way.

The whole thing sounds naff and cringeworthy tbh.

@HahaAreyouSerious

Ever thought about being adults and actually having a conversation instead of relying on whatever replies you get here?

I mean, one suggests he's commanding sex from you!

Stop asking daft questions like this and communicate. I assume when you say "academia" you don't mean secondary school...

🤣🤣🤣