Preschool pressures

[Mrs2020]

My 3.5 year old has always been cared for by a family member or myself all her life (never been to nursery). We do lots of activities to try and help with socialisation more (especially given pandemic challenges over last 18months)- she goes to 2 sports/dance classes, various stay & plays and regular play dates. I also have a 1 year old boy, so they have each other to interact with. We do at least one proper day out in the week in addition (National trust, farms, etc). Obviously some days are less successful than others- but we have a fairly active week for the most part.

She’s confident, curious, happy and loves the company of other children. She’s meeting and exceeding “milestones”- she can read first stage books and do sums.

We’re getting a lot of pressure from family members and friends- they can’t understand why she isn’t in preschool. They believe she’s missing out and will struggle when she starts school next year as she’s not been in a formal environment without me. My husband thinks I should compromise and send her to 2-3 preschool sessions a week- he’s not unhappy with anything now but thinks it would give me more time to focus on baby alone.

Am I being unreasonable to want to look after her myself rather than sending her to a preschool? I don’t want to make things difficult for her starting school next year, but at the same time selfishly I’m loving all being together each day. I don’t want to be selfish and keep her with me, if she would have a better start from going to a preschool if that makes sense!

You obviously have the time ,energy and means to give your children an interesting and nurturing life, if I was in your situation I'd carry on tbh.

My DS went to playschool and was in the nursery school class (start the September after they turn 3, very much part of the school, 9-3:30 hours only, uniform, dinner in the school hall etc) with the same group and is now in reception with them. There are friendship groups and they have an understanding of how the school works.

The parents who are new this year have all said they regret not applying to the nursery class.

You're obviously doing a fantastic job but it's definitely the social aspect and the group dynamic that she will miss out on.

It shouldn’t be the case but I do think @TATTSOTATT had a point. My daughter was one of 12 ish kids that went from her nursery to our school. Her transition was much easier because she already knew half the class. Her friendship groups have remained quite steady as well. Some of the other children who knew each other before from different settings also seem to stick together. There were a few that started without knowing anyone and they seem to be a bit loan wolf at parties. I was assuming friendship groups would change and re-settle so was interested to see the post about them enduring to high school.

I think it's a good idea to get her used to being in a group setting and away from family for a few hours.
It would be a lot to go from all day with you to 9-3 five days a week without you.
Preschool can just be mornings or afternoon a few times a week so it's a more gentle introduction to being apart. It helps her to learn a routine and work together as a group, sharing, taking turns etc.
Most of all most children love going to preschool and having fun. However you don't have to send her if you don't want to.

I have a 3.5 yo who went up to 30 hours a week from 15 this year. She is very bright and curious and was getting bored at home with me. Since her hours going up she's been much better tempered generally.

Personally I don’t think it’s fair on a child to go from being home 24/7 to full time school in one jump. It’s far too big a leap. A gradual introduction to formal schooling by doing a few mornings a week at present school is far better for the child I think. I honestly think you would be doing them a disservice not to give them a more phased introduction to the world of school.

Mine didn't go to pre school until they were 3. It did wonders for both of them and the school transition was very smooth.

My kids went to a pre school where the vast majority of children who attended go to the same primary - so in turn gets them used to each other before school so they don't feel so lonely on their first day of reception - assuming she's going into reception next September?? That is a huge benefit. Plus pre school prepares them for school. Are you able to do that yourself?

It's your choice but personally I would.

My mother never sent me to pre school or nursery. When I started reception most of the kids had attended the built on nursery to the school. They all knew each other, I didn't. Not sure if would have made a difference if I do go to the nursery but I struggled throughout my school life making friends. What you are doing sounds great though... my mother never did much with me with other kids around + only child at the time and that may of affected me too!

Could she not attend just 1 or 2 sessions a week? Doesn't have to be every day!

Sorry this is a slightly older post...op - how did you teach you 3 yo to read? We are doing phonics since she was just under 3, but then I wasn't consistent with it. Then she got into other things.

It's not essential but remember the hardest thing for your DD to get used to will be the much lower amount of adult attention. It's easier for her to adapt to that through a year in a preschool with a ratio of usually 8 children per adult, than as one of a class of 30 to one teacher with one TA

how did you teach you 3 yo to read? We are doing phonics since she was just under 3, but then I wasn't consistent with it. Then she got into other things

Not all children are ready to grasp reading properly (blending phonics) at 3. The more precocious children may have learned the single letter sounds by around age 3, and may start being able to blend CVC words around 3.5 but it's not a linear process and many children won't "click" with reading until more like 5.

She's best off with you.

To prepare her for school, she needs a secure attachment with you (done!), skills in being independent eg with dressing etc (I assume you're doing this), social time with other children (you're doing this) and a small amount of practice at being separated from you (like the lessons she's doing).

Read through the EYFS to check you aren't missing anything out. And then maybe send her to preschool part time for the term before she starts school.

But she's spending her early years being looked after by the best person in the world to look after her - her mother.