Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to pay for my DCs train fare to school from the ex house

31 replies

NoMoreLimbo · 21/09/2021 14:15

Two DCs in high school. They can walk from my place.

The ex remains in the old family home which is either a drive or a train ride to their school. He expects me to pay half of their train fare for when he does not drive them (25 min drive). He currently works from home.

There is no money being passed either way between us but we 'share' the costs of school uniform, extra curricular club, top up for mobiles etc and any other things they need (like some clothes) that are not extras. Whilst he was not working I covered their clothes but he spent what he had heading to the pub or lots of wine at home (adding for context).

He is now back to working full time and has a couple of tenenats in the house which cover the mortgage and more.

I realise that it is happy days for me as the DCs can walk to school from my house but I really do not think I should pay half of their train fare to and from his house and school on the days they are at his. AIBU?

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 21/09/2021 14:19

Is his house the original family home and you moved? How did they get to the school before you separated? Unfortunately is it not the parent who moves away who has to pay? However if you would have had to pay school transport anyway if you hadn't moved out he's actually saving is he not as no need to pay for the days they're with you!

Original poster
NoMoreLimbo · 21/09/2021 14:55

I moved yes as no other option.
So for about a year one went to primary near his (walking) and other in high school near me. Either I drove to primary or we shared cost for someone else to take them (as one always had to travel) but that stopped what with lockdown match last year. Since school started up again I dropped and picked up DC to school by him on my days. He did for his days to school near me. Obviously we both paid our own petrol.
Now both in school near me so I no longer need to get in the car to drive. but now he will need to get them to from school on his days. Either driving or train. He is expecting me to pay half that train fare. I really don’t have the money to be honest.

OP posts:
LadyMonicaBaddingham · 21/09/2021 15:12

I really don't see how he can justify this as being in any way your problem... "No, I won't be able to do that" is all you need to say. Repeatedly.

HosannainExcelSheets · 21/09/2021 15:32

Um, no. That's his cosy associated with his housing choice, and he's responsible for the DC when they stay with him.

pelosi · 21/09/2021 15:39

YANBU. A judge would laugh him out if court as he didn’t even have to move home.

GettingItOutThere · 21/09/2021 15:40

erm no

with him he is responsible for all costs, let him pay

"no, that does not work for me, you need to get them to school and cover the costs as i do on my days"
rinse and repeat

PheasantsNest · 21/09/2021 15:41

You moved away from the home area so you should pay.

Shitfuckcommaetc · 21/09/2021 15:42

I don't think he is being unreasonable to ask, as you've shared to cost of travel before?

ginnybag · 21/09/2021 15:46

Who picked the school they're now at, and why?

How many nights a week do they both do in the two different locations?

Those two things really affect the answer.

Youseethethingis · 21/09/2021 15:50

You moved away from the home area so you should pay
OP moved closer to the school... You could say "he didn't move to within walking distance of school so he should pay" Confused

pelosi · 21/09/2021 15:53

@Youseethethingis

You moved away from the home area so you should pay OP moved closer to the school... You could say "he didn't move to within walking distance of school so he should pay" Confused
🤣
WoozySnoozy · 21/09/2021 15:53

If he doesn't want to pay it he can move nearer the school

Jumpingintosummer · 21/09/2021 15:54

How is contact split?
Do you share costs for school lunches?

Cocomarine · 21/09/2021 16:08

I think that if you’ve agreed to split all their costs 50/50, and that was never based on relative income, then it’s not an unreasonable request. He hasn’t created the train fare situation by moving, it’s just how things have worked out. It’s just a simple decision - all essentials paid jointly.

The period when he wasn’t working and wasn’t contributing yet still had money to spend in the pub muddies thing though!

But in principle, if you both want 50/50 on essentials, I don’t think he’s taking the piss to include train fare as an essential.

Goldbar · 21/09/2021 16:27

Why can't he just drive them Confused?

Redruby2020 · 21/09/2021 16:48

@Youseethethingis

You moved away from the home area so you should pay OP moved closer to the school... You could say "he didn't move to within walking distance of school so he should pay" Confused
I agree!
dworky · 21/09/2021 16:52

@PheasantsNest

You moved away from the home area so you should pay.
What? Absolute nonsense.
twoandeights · 21/09/2021 16:54

No you don’t pay. It’s his responsibility to get the kids to school on the day he has them. It’s yours on your day. If he doesn’t want to pay train fare then he should drive them

Tomnooktoldmeto · 21/09/2021 16:55

You surely pay expenses that occur in your contact time if there is a fifty fifty split and no money changes hands

If he wants that then all finances need to be looked at as if his income is higher you may still be entitled to maintenance

CuriousaboutSamphire · 21/09/2021 16:57

So whenever there is an issue you pick up the slack?

He has the house, he has tenant's, he has a job, he just doesn't have responsibility for being a parent when things require a bit of planning!

Tell him that 50:50 means he has to sort out his own difficulties and that you can't always be the solution.

Original poster
NoMoreLimbo · 22/09/2021 00:38

@Jumpingintosummer Contact is 60/40 with me 60, most of the time. Regarding lunches he got all high and mighty about not wanting to contribute to canteen money (which I put the cash in for) as he said it’s my choice whether to give them packed lunch or buy in canteen on my days and my days are my responsibility. True. However, DC spend the money irrespective of whose parents day it is so I asked him to put something towards it.
@ginnybag the school was picked by eldest DC who wanted a fresh start. (It was at the natural breakpoint of finishing primary anyway whilst youngest DC stayed on). He agreed with the pick of school. There was no way I could afford to stay living in that area anyway so moved 25 min drive away to where I can afford housing etc.

OP posts:
Limejuiceandrum · 22/09/2021 00:46

Just stop all the 50/50 bullshit and get maintenance, it’s clearly not 50/50

Jumpingintosummer · 22/09/2021 01:33

[quote NoMoreLimbo]@Jumpingintosummer Contact is 60/40 with me 60, most of the time. Regarding lunches he got all high and mighty about not wanting to contribute to canteen money (which I put the cash in for) as he said it’s my choice whether to give them packed lunch or buy in canteen on my days and my days are my responsibility. True. However, DC spend the money irrespective of whose parents day it is so I asked him to put something towards it.
@ginnybag the school was picked by eldest DC who wanted a fresh start. (It was at the natural breakpoint of finishing primary anyway whilst youngest DC stayed on). He agreed with the pick of school. There was no way I could afford to stay living in that area anyway so moved 25 min drive away to where I can afford housing etc.[/quote]
I thought that might be the case, children need school lunches (canteen or packed cost money regardless). You sound more than reasonable to me. 60/40 split, I would suggest applying for maintenance if he is going to be so pathetic and quibble over every penny.

SD1978 · 22/09/2021 01:40

How much is the cost of what he's asking you to cover? Does he now cover lunches as you requested?

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 22/09/2021 01:42

I don't ghibj he's unreasonable to ask actually

Swipe left for the next trending thread