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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Replying a Violin teacher

50 replies

WhatToDoNoww · 21/09/2021 12:36

Hello all.
Posting here for traffic. My DS aged 10 been going for violin lessons for a significant number of years with a teacher. She hasn't been an easy person, but we were stuck with her as there wasn't much available around. She is ok on day to day basis but as soon as the exam time comes she starts getting panicky & stresses us out.

Fast forward Covid hit & we moved to online lessons with her. She found manoeuvring around technology difficult but we persevered. We resumed our lessons in person when restrictions were eased. We were hoping to sits the exam in Nov/ December with the intention of taking the exam & changing the teacher as it impossible to have a sensible chat with her.

We went to for lessons as usual last week & spoke to her about registering DS for the exam. She seemed ok with it.
Now she has messaged to say that she has decided to end private lessons, as Covid is spreading again. I told her that I understand her position but there is a way to sort it out. I explained that we take LF tests every day. I even offered to have the lessons outdoors with social distancing but no reply. She has 4 school going grand kids that she looks after every day. It's certainly not about Covid. It's the exam time & she has conveniently dumped us.

We are 1-1.5 months away from taking grade 3 exams & she has dumped my DS at the most crucial point, that too by a text. I have paid an awful amount of money + travelling a fair distance to see her. I am beyond upset at how this has unfolded.
I want to report her for this. Any guidance on this matter will be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 21/09/2021 12:39

Have you paid money for lessons she hasn’t delivered? I’m confused about what you think you can report her for.

FawnFrenchieMum · 21/09/2021 12:42

Has she signed a contract to say she will teach him through to grade 3?! If not she’s given you notice that she no longer wishes to work with you. She’s self employed and with in her rights to do that.

GoWalkabout · 21/09/2021 12:42

She is self employed and can choose her clients. Sorry you have been messed around.

PurpleDaisies · 21/09/2021 12:42

Have you got a signed a contract saying she’ll work with him to the exams?

Dishwashersaurous · 21/09/2021 12:43

You will need to ask for a refund of any lessons not had.

Otherwise she has decided not to provide a service,

ClaudiaWankleman · 21/09/2021 12:43

I don't think you can report her. Music teachers aren't required to be registered or have any formal qualifications.

You have read into her reason to end music lessons a lot - much more than you can really know. She is entitled to stop teaching if that is what she want, although it is unfortunate for your DS. 1.5 months is more than enough time to find another teacher, or your DS can just put off the exam until the next round of exams. It's not the end of the world.

BananaPB · 21/09/2021 12:44

Report her for what?
If she owes you money then she owes you a refund but apart from that you just need to move on

NautaOcts · 21/09/2021 12:44

Not sure who you think you can report her to? She’s most likely just self employed as an individual.
She is entitled to stop at any time although should give notice in accordance with the agreement you have.

It doesn’t sound like it was working very well anyway, I hope you can find someone new

Billybagpuss · 21/09/2021 12:46

Where abouts are you, maybe someone can recommend someone else, I’m based in SW and can suggest some excellent ones.

As for the exam, don’t stress about it, keep him playing, keep the scales going and if you miss grade 3 because he’s beyond it already and go straight to grade 4.

Most important thing is to keep his enjoyment up and find a decent teacher.

Original poster

WhatToDoNoww · 21/09/2021 12:46

I have paid for lessons & the promise that she will get the DS through exams. After paying for the whole year, she now decides just 1 month before the exam that she can't do it. How is DS going to register for the exam last minute? It's the teacher who does it. The last lessons before the exam are crucial. Arranging a accompanying pianist. Also, it's extremely difficult to get some else last minute to get all this together. Any one who is musically trained/ taken exams will understand that it's an awful position to be in.

OP posts:

Original poster

WhatToDoNoww · 21/09/2021 12:48

@Billybagpuss

Where abouts are you, maybe someone can recommend someone else, I’m based in SW and can suggest some excellent ones.

As for the exam, don’t stress about it, keep him playing, keep the scales going and if you miss grade 3 because he’s beyond it already and go straight to grade 4.

Most important thing is to keep his enjoyment up and find a decent teacher.

I am in SW too. Can I please pm you? Thank you for understanding.

OP posts:

Dancingonmoonlight · 21/09/2021 12:49

I’m sorry you have been messed around.
Really you should have changed teachers sooner. There were too many problems with this teacher.

You can’t report her other than leave a poor review if she advertises somewhere and if so, you will have to write about her reliability rather than her teaching because if you stayed with her for five plus years then her teaching obviously meets your standards and writing otherwise would be spiteful.

Covid has brought out the best and the worst in people. It seems it affected your teacher more than it affected you.

FWIW I think it is better in the long run to ho through a music school as they are far more geared towards exams. That said your son is taking grade 3 at the age of ten so his teacher has done a good job.

ClaudiaWankleman · 21/09/2021 12:49

She will have to pay back the money for non-used lessons of course, but I have taken exams and had to arrange the entry and accompanist myself (this is normal in my experience). Step up and do it if you are so set on your DS taking the exam in November!

Dishwashersaurous · 21/09/2021 12:51

Yes it's rubbish and upsetting but she is allowed to make her own choices.

You need to get a refund and then decide what to do next.

It isn't essential for the teacher to book the exam, can do it as an individual.

Also, it's only grade 3. It's not like it's going to affect the rest of his life.

You need to find a new teacher.

And yes maybe he won't be able to do the exam for another six months, but lots of music exams are still being delayed because of covid

Dancingonmoonlight · 21/09/2021 12:53

How is DS going to register for the exam last minute? It's the teacher who does it.

Contact the examination centre and explain you want to register. If you have already paid the registration fees, the teacher will need to refund you.

She sounds fickle but to be honest you sound super stressed. Maybe this has put the teacher off?

Lonecatwithkitten · 21/09/2021 12:56

Find a new teacher and if they feel he would have passed grade 3 move on to grade 4 -you don't have to sit them all. It is only the highest grade taken that is ever looked at. My DD only ever took grades 6, 7 and 8.

Dishwashersaurous · 21/09/2021 12:56

Contact the registration centre direct. For all music exams I've known about the parents have booked the exams

Original poster

WhatToDoNoww · 21/09/2021 12:59

@Dancingonmoonlight

How is DS going to register for the exam last minute? It's the teacher who does it.

Contact the examination centre and explain you want to register. If you have already paid the registration fees, the teacher will need to refund you.

She sounds fickle but to be honest you sound super stressed. Maybe this has put the teacher off?

I am super stressed because of her last minute antics.

OP posts:

Iris2020 · 21/09/2021 12:59

Please don't worry about grades.
I'm sorry to hear you feel the teacher has left you in the lurch, and certainly any money paid upfront needs refunding.

However, it's absolutely not necessary for children to take all the grades and it actually hinders their progress on the instrument when parents insist on them taking every exam. It's more productive to work on developing good technique, exploring different repertoire and and enjoying small performance opportunities.
Sometimes the best standards can be achieved by continuing to work on the theory knowledge but only taking key instrument exam grades (like maybe grade 2, 5 and 8). Insisting on transitioning straight from one grade syllabus to the next is more than likely going to slow them down in their progress!
Grade exams can also be easily rescheduled.

I'm wondering why you're placing such importance on the timing of a grade 3 exam? It's not required to take grade 4 or the subsequent ones and from a music teacher's perspective, the preparation of grade 3 wouldn't have been a massive deal at all so they wouldn't have been aware of how strongly you felt about the issue.

It feels like your reaction is more in line with what you'd expect if your child had been preparing the entrance audition to the Royal Academy or something.
If you want your son to continue enjoying music, I'd suggest not treating Grade 3 so seriously. Grade 3 can be moved, not taken, retaken...

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 21/09/2021 12:59

Your teacher can decide to stop lessons and doesn't have to tell you the real reason.

You can register on ABRSM yourself and enter your own child for the exam.
Booking runs from 27th Sept to 7th October for exams late Nov/early December.
Plenty of time to get another teacher before then.

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 21/09/2021 13:00

Registration is all done on line and is easy btw.

DobbyTheHouseElk · 21/09/2021 13:01

@Billybagpuss I’m in the SW and looking for a violin teacher too. Would it be rude to ask for a PM as well.

SpikeDearheart · 21/09/2021 13:04

She sounds a bit flaky and she should certainly refund you for tuition not received, but otherwise this seems like a massive overreaction. You can enter him for the grade yourself and ask around for a recommendation for an accompanist, or defer/skip the grade - it's only grade 3, it's not life changing!

0043parent · 21/09/2021 13:04

Your reaction is over the top. You're presumably just a half an hour a week job for her, remember. And grade 3 is not an important exam. It sounds as though your child is making slow progress, so a good time to move to a new teacher?

lanthanum · 21/09/2021 13:08

It's unfortunate, but does your son really need to do grade 3 this term? Find another teacher, and they can move on with him - he could skip grade 3 altogether, or just do it next term and expect to move on more quickly towards grade 4 afterwards. What his new teacher might do in the latter case is to do some other pieces with him for a bit and then come back to the grade 3 ones (either the ones he's started or different ones) nearer the time - it doesn't make sense to keep playing the same pieces for so long.

You could enter him yourself, but finding a new teacher is more important - and I suspect teachers are not necessarily going to be keen on taking on a pupil who has been entered for an exam before they've even met them.

It is kind of nice to have the grades marking progress, but they're not obligatory, and some countries don't have music exams in the way we do. They're quite a useful benchmark, but orchestras that say "minimum grade 4 standard" usually do that as a guideline rather than demanding the certificate. At the moment, especially, a lot of children have not done exams for a while. I think mine's decided she's not going to bother with any more - but she's still learning and improving.

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