Replying a Violin teacher

[WhatToDoNoww]

Hello all.
Posting here for traffic. My DS aged 10 been going for violin lessons for a significant number of years with a teacher. She hasn't been an easy person, but we were stuck with her as there wasn't much available around. She is ok on day to day basis but as soon as the exam time comes she starts getting panicky & stresses us out.

Fast forward Covid hit & we moved to online lessons with her. She found manoeuvring around technology difficult but we persevered. We resumed our lessons in person when restrictions were eased. We were hoping to sits the exam in Nov/ December with the intention of taking the exam & changing the teacher as it impossible to have a sensible chat with her.

We went to for lessons as usual last week & spoke to her about registering DS for the exam. She seemed ok with it.
Now she has messaged to say that she has decided to end private lessons, as Covid is spreading again. I told her that I understand her position but there is a way to sort it out. I explained that we take LF tests every day. I even offered to have the lessons outdoors with social distancing but no reply. She has 4 school going grand kids that she looks after every day. It's certainly not about Covid. It's the exam time & she has conveniently dumped us.

We are 1-1.5 months away from taking grade 3 exams & she has dumped my DS at the most crucial point, that too by a text. I have paid an awful amount of money + travelling a fair distance to see her. I am beyond upset at how this has unfolded.
I want to report her for this. Any guidance on this matter will be greatly appreciated.

It's a grade 3 violin exam, just calm down. He doesn't even need to sit it, you can find a new teacher and he can move straight to grade 4.

Find a new teacher you like, and (assuming she agrees your child is already roughly grade 3 level) just start work on grade 4. Skip the grade 3 exam.

Just to reinforce that you don't need all grades, my DD has just done grade 4 violin exam, her previous exam was grade 2. At almost the same time, she did grade 3 in another instrument, that was her first-ever exam for that instrument.

DD will be working towards Grade 5 in her third instrument this year. The last exam she passed for that was Grade 1, a couple of years ago.

@Iris2020

Please don't worry about grades. I'm sorry to hear you feel the teacher has left you in the lurch, and certainly any money paid upfront needs refunding.

However, it's absolutely not necessary for children to take all the grades and it actually hinders their progress on the instrument when parents insist on them taking every exam. It's more productive to work on developing good technique, exploring different repertoire and and enjoying small performance opportunities.
Sometimes the best standards can be achieved by continuing to work on the theory knowledge but only taking key instrument exam grades (like maybe grade 2, 5 and 8). Insisting on transitioning straight from one grade syllabus to the next is more than likely going to slow them down in their progress!
Grade exams can also be easily rescheduled.

I'm wondering why you're placing such importance on the timing of a grade 3 exam? It's not required to take grade 4 or the subsequent ones and from a music teacher's perspective, the preparation of grade 3 wouldn't have been a massive deal at all so they wouldn't have been aware of how strongly you felt about the issue.

It feels like your reaction is more in line with what you'd expect if your child had been preparing the entrance audition to the Royal Academy or something.
If you want your son to continue enjoying music, I'd suggest not treating Grade 3 so seriously. Grade 3 can be moved, not taken, retaken...

Thank you for your reply. I am not musically able. I have never played any instrument. I have friends who have skipped grades here & there. I am focused on grade 3 because of the way she has on repeat told me that skipping grades isn't ideal. Looks like that's not the case.

Just take the exam in the spring term. I can’t believe a teacher promised to get a child through an exam - what if he fails? Honestly I don’t understand the level of obsession a lot of people have on the exams. I know so many children that get to grade 5 having only learnt 15 pieces - hardly instilling a love of music.

@FawnFrenchieMum

Has she signed a contract to say she will teach him through to grade 3?! If not she’s given you notice that she no longer wishes to work with you. She’s self employed and with in her rights to do that.

Verbally, yes! I doubt it's a common practice to get a music teacher to sign a contract when the lessons are started.

[quote DobbyTheHouseElk]@Billybagpuss I’m in the SW and looking for a violin teacher too. Would it be rude to ask for a PM as well.[/quote]
I have asked around and hoping to get a teacher. Please feel free to DM me. More than happy to share the contacts when I get.

If you want the teacher to be employed by someone, you could look at the junior department of the big conservatoires, although I suspect for violin it is very competitive. There will also be other Saturday music schools where you can do lessons, ensembles and theory etc.that are a more achievable level. It would be good if he can play in a string group or orchestra, it will bring on his playing massively and may take the pressure of just aiming for exams. There is an Abrsm exams page ( not run by Abrsm but with lots of knowledgeable people) if you want to ask about the process for entertaining exams yourself. It's very common for parents to enter their children (with the teachers agreement of course) so it's less work for the teacher and you get the results quicker. Exams can slow progress as the focus for several weeks/ months on just three pieces can be boring and means they are missing out on the wider repertoire. I hope you find a good new teacher.

Why are you so stressed over grade 3 violin?

Stuff happens for a reason. Bet you find a better fit as a teacher.

I’m a professional performing musician, I also give lessons to a few children.

1. It is VERY common practice to sign a contract for music lessons. I have only one student with whom I don’t have a written contract, but it’s a long-term acquaintance, the parents are very reliable and he’s also a bit older so it’s mostly him organising it straight with me.

When you find a new teacher, ask for a contract. It protects both you and them.

2. You can register your son yourself for an exam - assuming you’re talking about ABRSM. You don’t necessarily need the teacher to do this.

3. Going through all the grades in order really isn’t important. It’s important not to skip new techniques or musical concepts that each new grade introduces, but the actual exams have absolutely no influence on what is learnt on the instrument.

I have never taken a grade exam in my life and I currently play with one of the top 3 orchestras in the world. What is important, as other posters were saying, is to develop good technique, artistry, sound quality, learn core repertoire as well as scales and exercises that establish a solid musical and technical base for advanced playing, should he continue in the future.

Try and find local recommendations for other violin teachers - perhaps through his school, music hub if there is one in the area, or a college with a music department or similar.

For now, don’t stress about the grade in November. He can skip it, take it later on, or just do it even if he is not well prepared (although fees aren’t cheap so I don’t recommend it).

Insist the teacher refunds you for the lessons she hasn’t given. I wish you the best of luck finding someone new to continue guiding your little one’s development!

This is concerning, you keep writing “we are going for the exam” as if you are sitting it. It’s only grade 3. Find another teacher and go from there.

You are not necessarily skipping grades, just not taking every exam. The scales/ aural work should be part of most lessons, not just as exam preparation. Children should be learning a wide range of repertoire, some of which will be quick studies IE maybe only played for a week or two, others will be studied in more depth, to performance level. You should cover the techniques and skills for each 'grade' as you progress, but may not even play the pieces from that grade, teachers often have their own favourite pieces which teach the skills they are trying to develop. It's perfectly possible to not play ' the grade 3 pieces' but still be of that level because of the skills and musicianship displayed. It's often good to come at exam from above the level where the pieces can be taken in their stride because they gave played plenty of other pieces at that level already, rather than slogging away at some pieces just a bit out of reach. Come and join the music thread in extra curricular for lots of support.

I actually smiled when I got to the bit about being Grade 3.

3!

He’s not even entered for it, stop talking as if he is and she’s left you high and dry.

She’s allowed to withdraw her services, even more understandable given Covid. It’s not ideal for you* but it’s not like the exam is that soon, or entered for, or important.

*it actually is ideal as you don’t like her anyway

You really need to BREATHE. Then just start looking around for another teacher, asking them to do a mock exam in first lesson - not telling child that, letting them see it as a run through so they can see what he can do - to see whether he’s ready. If not, take it in Spring session.

You seem to have lost perspective on this OP.

Firstly, if your DS wants to take the exam you can sign him up for it yourself online (or do the online exams if it's ABRSM). Secondly, you can't force her to teach so attempting to do that is a no-win situation for you and not worth your time. Lots of children have skipped grades with COVID, mine included.

Have a look and see if there are any weekend music schools near you.

Your DS is probably just polishing up the pieces now and you can practice the aural/sight reading parts at home.

I'm in the SW too.

Is it Grade 3 ABRSM? You can find videos on YouTube to practise along with in the mean time, including accompaniments. You can also find scales and download the aural app to practise aural. Just get him to practise some sightreading too.

Request a refund, find another teacher (online trials if you cannot find anyone in person), find an accompanist and register for ABRSM yourself, it isn’t a problem. I have done it with all my children and my 7 year old has done his Grade 3 violin and did very well. I have zero violin experience but up to Grade 3/4 I think I can understand most of it. You can too.

You are being unreasonable. What’s the worst that could happen if your 10 year old doesn’t take his Grade 3 violin exam this year?

@Bluntness100

This is concerning, you keep writing “we are going for the exam” as if you are sitting it. It’s only grade 3. Find another teacher and go from there.

Sorry the word "we" has concerned you.

We switched DD’s violin teacher this summer after the previous one had stuck with online, cancelling face to face on the day - her covid anxiety seemed very high and I was understanding to a point. Dd is skipping grade 3 and the new teacher is just keen to her her playing as much as possible rather than focusing on a few exam pieces as she needs to enjoy is and develop the versatility. Skipping lower grades is fine. You need to relax and let your dc enjoy playing.

Also, maybe try performance exam where you can send in a video and learn 4 pieces instead of 3? You would have to check but I think you might even be able to use a soundtrack rather than live performance.

@CMeredithC

I’m a professional performing musician, I also give lessons to a few children.

1. It is VERY common practice to sign a contract for music lessons. I have only one student with whom I don’t have a written contract, but it’s a long-term acquaintance, the parents are very reliable and he’s also a bit older so it’s mostly him organising it straight with me.

When you find a new teacher, ask for a contract. It protects both you and them.

2. You can register your son yourself for an exam - assuming you’re talking about ABRSM. You don’t necessarily need the teacher to do this.

3. Going through all the grades in order really isn’t important. It’s important not to skip new techniques or musical concepts that each new grade introduces, but the actual exams have absolutely no influence on what is learnt on the instrument.

I have never taken a grade exam in my life and I currently play with one of the top 3 orchestras in the world. What is important, as other posters were saying, is to develop good technique, artistry, sound quality, learn core repertoire as well as scales and exercises that establish a solid musical and technical base for advanced playing, should he continue in the future.

Try and find local recommendations for other violin teachers - perhaps through his school, music hub if there is one in the area, or a college with a music department or similar.

For now, don’t stress about the grade in November. He can skip it, take it later on, or just do it even if he is not well prepared (although fees aren’t cheap so I don’t recommend it).

Insist the teacher refunds you for the lessons she hasn’t given. I wish you the best of luck finding someone new to continue guiding your little one’s development!

Thank you very much for your message. I will go down the contract route this time. Have already started looking around. Hopefully will find a teacher.

@SpiderinaWingMirror

Stuff happens for a reason. Bet you find a better fit as a teacher.

Thank you x

even the ABRSM themselves say that you can start in at any exam grade and you can put in for the exam online....sorry but unless your child is the next Nigel Kennedy (and even then....) then I think you are winding yourself up for nothing. Get your money back and move on

Also, just to say that I changed my own DD's violin tutor at very short notice and it worked out brilliantly as the new one was a much better fit for her! It probably helped that after the first tutor, I had more of an idea what I wanted her to get out of lessons and discussed it first.

My DD used to spend months stuck on exam pieces and got bored. She still does exams but alternates with other pieces as well so it's not boring now.

I can recommend the Benedetti Foundation's online courses and sessions, they are fun for string instruments, have a look on their website OP.

Does the ABRSM pieces content change after this year which is why you want DS to do the exam this term?

I entered DD myself for her grade 5 and she skipped grade 4. Just make sure the ABRSM account is in his name as he'll be the one doing the exam!

You can get the exam books with a cd so that he can get used to how the pieces sound and then eventually play along with the piano. There is an ABRSM app, not brilliant but ok for aural tests and he can practice the scales and arpeggios from a book to keep him ticking over.