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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Feeling broken by DH snoring

74 replies

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 21/09/2021 09:06

Honestly need some perspective here.

DH and I have 3 small DC (6yo an under) who have mostly started sleeping through now. DH is at home PT and works PT; I work FT in a long hours/ fairly pressured job.

DH has always snored but recently it is most nights from about 3am. Last night he woke me up at 4am and I lay awake for 2h before getting up. In the last week, that is the third night that I have lost 2+ hours of sleep.

His snoring is worse atm because he has a cold but I just feel like I cannot function. I was in an 8am meeting this morning writing a large funding bid and just couldn't keep my eyes focused.

I have asked him to consider going to his parents' for a night or two to use their spare room, just so I can get a night of uninterrupted sleep. He is reluctant but I feel like something needs to give...
Aibu?

OP posts:

ILoveAGlassofFizzy · 21/09/2021 21:01

@Turkishangora

Why is everyone suggesting that the op sleep on a blow up/sofa/kids room?? The DH needs to be the one who shifts until he sorts it!

Absolutely, blow up bed for DH only........................

MrsSkylerWhite · 21/09/2021 21:03

Thevoiceofreason2021

Treat yourself to a couple of nights on the living room floor, I invested in a fold out memory foam matress. Just a couple of nights a week can make a huge difference and let you top up with sleep. Also earplugs - they don’t drown out the noise completely, you can still hear crying kids , but it does take the edge off. And my favourite- have a nice long bath and an early night, so that you are flat out before he gets to bed . And if he wakes you up at 4am you’ve already had a good kip!“

Sorry but there’s so much wrong with this!

SHE should sleep on a sofa bed and buy earplugs?

Er, no! He needs to get to a sleep clinic quick, smart.

LoveFall · 21/09/2021 21:11

I have soft earplugs. I wear one, and usually have a soft earbud headphone in the other ear as I listen to audiobooks as I fall asleep.

Works great.

Screwcorona · 21/09/2021 21:12

Mine is terrible...he now sleeps on the sofabed. We bought a good one specifically because of his snoring.
Much happier, doesn't affect our sexlife as we're more daytime lovers anyway

KineticSand · 21/09/2021 21:21

Another one here with separate bedrooms. He goes upstairs to the attic spare room and sometimes snoring can be heard a floor away.

Holidays are a trial. This year his snoring was getting through my earplugs. He ended up on the living room floor downstairs in the holiday cottage.

He won't go to docs or do anything. At least he feels bad and buggers off out of the room though.

RichPetunia · 21/09/2021 21:27

Can recommend Boots soft silicone ear plugs. The silicone molds to your ear shape and really does block out a lot of noise. I’m sure they are under a tenner.

Screwcorona · 21/09/2021 21:35

@KineticSand it's a pain isn't it.. we end up paying more than necessary on holidays as need to factor in separate sleeping space 😓

billy1966 · 21/09/2021 21:35

A bloe up bed is a perfect solution to give you a catch up sleep.

Obviously he moves to it.

Lack of sleep will make you ill.

Turkishangora · 21/09/2021 21:48

[quote Screwcorona]@KineticSand it's a pain isn't it.. we end up paying more than necessary on holidays as need to factor in separate sleeping space 😓[/quote]
This is us. We book a 6 berth so we have 3 bedrooms and one of us shares with DS. It's a bit annoying for him though. I'm beginning to dead holidays a bit as I come back even more wrecked from lack of sleep. Currently thinking about a loft conversion so I can have my own proper room rather than us taking turns on the sofa bed. Another massive expense due to snoring.

KineticSand · 21/09/2021 22:08

I would have masses more sympathy if he would show willing to try to improve it. He tried nose strips and a mouth guard thingy but only when purchased and explained and pushed by me. Declared they don't work, and that's it. Won't go to doctors.

This is why he is the one who has to get out of the main bedroom, not me! It's a shame as it cuts down coupley time and probably sex too but sleep is sacred in this house.

insatiableme · 21/09/2021 22:15

I really feel for you. I had this problem with my partner and it was affecting me daily. I was also irritable as I was losing sleep. He sleeps up his mothers now when it becomes a issue and we are much happier. Do what works for you at the moment.

xksismybestletter · 21/09/2021 22:19

Stop counting missed hours op! It only makes you more resentful

I actually prefer to be in the same room as DH. if I am in another room I can't poke him in the back to roll over. He now wears a mouth guard thing - he has a hiatus hernia. I wear ear plugs anyway. One ear plug and I can hear the kids, two and it is his go

spooney21 · 21/09/2021 22:24

Another vote for silicone earplugs. Really takes the edge off. Been wearing them for 10 years and never had a problem hearing dc call for me from the other room.

Goldbar · 21/09/2021 22:24

Get a comfy mattress to store behind the sofa in the sitting room. You or he can sleep on it if the snoring gets too bad. And the kids can use it as an indoor trampoline on wet days.

Ziggerty · 21/09/2021 22:27

Try going to bed before him and getting him to wait till you're asleep before he goes to bed. I find I cope better if I'm already asleep.

But my top tip is to get a decent white noise machine and plug it in right by your head. I too have young children so I have kept monitors in both rooms that I put next to me too as I'd never hear them over the white noise machine otherwise. When you first get it, try to train your brain to focus in on the sound and it helps dull down or blur out the bad snoring.

GreenEggsAndHamPlease · 21/09/2021 22:29

My marriage has survived 23 years thanks to separate bedrooms. I realised very early on that his snoring was too much. I need my sleep and would have ended up killing him.

junebirthdaygirl · 21/09/2021 22:38

Won't necessarily have sleep apnoea. My dh is a bad snorer and tested over night for apnoea but didn't have it. If it wakens me l gently
( or not so gently!) move him onto his side. As soon as he stirs he stops snoring and l go back to sleep. But l am lucky to be a good sleeper.

Glssr195726113493 · 21/09/2021 22:50

I’d buy him a camp bed and tell him to sleep in the living room, especially after his ignorant and frankly offensive comment.

Tinysnickers · 21/09/2021 22:51

Solidarity here. My OH also snores. Far worse when he has a cold and also worse when he drinks alcohol or over indulges with food. So at the weekend when I want to catch up sleep I generally actually get less sleep because he drinks and then snores. He also turns over like a pregnant hippo so despite a good mattress he wakes me. And I'm not a great sleeper sp generally if he wakes me after about 3am I often don't get back to sleep at all.
On holiday in a double bed (superking at home) is torture for me - tiny bed, whole thing moves when he does plus he drinks evwry single day and snores non stop. Yet he doesn't understand why I'm grumpy as hell at the end of a week away, because he has slept like a log all week. When we go to the inlaws I come home exhausted.

mumwon · 21/09/2021 23:02

use your knees & push against him -it will make him move - if he accuses you of doing this - snore & pretend to be asleep
Seriously if his snoring is this bad a gp appointment (by phone sigh)

Keladrythesaviour · 21/09/2021 23:09

@LittleMysSister

Have you tried drowning him out with white noise?

I have storm noise playing through bluetooth speakers every night because my partner is a snorer and otherwise he would wake me up all through the night.

I read that initially as "have you tried drowning him" and thought well at least it would be effective! (Can you tell I live with a snorer?!)

YANBU. I once recorded my DH so if I killed him in a fit of rage I could use it as evidence at my trial (only sort of joking). Every few weeks I have to escape to a spare room to get a couple of nights uninterrupted. DH used to work shifts so I always got a few nights to myself. Now he works permanent days it's really affected me.

Could you get a sofa bed for downstairs if you don't have any spare rooms - or a pull out mattress in one of the DC's bedrooms? I live in earplugs now, and white noise can help, we oftennhav ea fan on which is easier to sleep to than the undulations of snoring.

AliceMcK · 21/09/2021 23:16

Another one for sleep apnea, I’ve recently got a machine and it’s stopped my snoring completely. My DH snores too but his has stopped since I bought him a mouth guard.

Rannva · 22/09/2021 11:12

Buy a camp bed.

Sleep is vital. You need to move heaven and earth to find somewhere to sleep. Booking a few nights in a hotel isn't going to help, and will waste all the money you could have spent on a camp bed.

Rannva · 22/09/2021 11:15

@MrsSkylerWhite