Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling broken by DH snoring

74 replies

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 21/09/2021 09:06

Honestly need some perspective here.

DH and I have 3 small DC (6yo an under) who have mostly started sleeping through now. DH is at home PT and works PT; I work FT in a long hours/ fairly pressured job.

DH has always snored but recently it is most nights from about 3am. Last night he woke me up at 4am and I lay awake for 2h before getting up. In the last week, that is the third night that I have lost 2+ hours of sleep.

His snoring is worse atm because he has a cold but I just feel like I cannot function. I was in an 8am meeting this morning writing a large funding bid and just couldn't keep my eyes focused.

I have asked him to consider going to his parents' for a night or two to use their spare room, just so I can get a night of uninterrupted sleep. He is reluctant but I feel like something needs to give...
Aibu?

OP posts:
BrilloPaddy · 21/09/2021 10:56

We sleep in separate rooms, it's bliss. I've got a kingsize bed with a new mattress and sleep solidly for 7 hours every night. DH has got a horrific sleep disorder.... sleeps for about 4 hours in the day over multiple naps, then only sleeps at night from 4am onwards. I was close to killing him, night after night of sighing, moaning and kicking the bed. I nearly had an accident in the car one morning from the sleep deprivation and it motivated me into change.

I'm worried sick he's got some sort of sleep apnoea but he won't go to the GP and thinks it's perfectly normal to nap like he does. He's 57 Hmm

Original poster
JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 21/09/2021 11:00

Thanks everyone! To answer a few Qs -

We don't have a spare room. I used to sleep in what is now one of the children's bedrooms but we are 5 people in a 3 bed semi.

Sofa is not fit for sleeping on - it's a loveseat and DH is 6' 1.

DH snoring is largely tolerable - he "rolls over on command" in his sleep largely if he is on his back.

However now he has a cold it is worse. He took 2 lots of decongestant last night but it didn't help.

I think it is probably also the case that I am having more trouble getting back to sleep as I get older. He stopped around 5.30 this morning but I'd already been "jerked awake" so often that I couldn't get back to sleep so just lay there for 45 mins and then got up.

DH said if I am really tired tonight I will surely sleep through but I was really tired last night too Sad

OP posts:
MinaPop · 21/09/2021 11:04

Ah okay, so normally you manage it okay by poking him and he rolls over, but it's just bad at the moment because of his cold? In that case you just need a temporary solution. Sofa no good, so get a mattress/airbed on the floor in the living room or one of the kids rooms?

RiotAtTheRodeo · 21/09/2021 11:05

DH said if I am really tired tonight I will surely sleep through but I was really tired last night too

Yeah cos that's how it works when you share a bed with a warthog.

He needs to stop being so selfish.

Notaroadrunner · 21/09/2021 11:07

You should go to his parents for a couple of nights if he won't - or if you have a friend or relative nearby stay with them. Leave him to look after the kids and snore to his hearts content.

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 21/09/2021 11:08

My DH moved into the spare room about 2 years ago and I swear it saved our relationship. I also sometimes snore and we were keeping each other away then having awful rows the next day like we hated each other. If you can get him to sleep in another room. It's really common as well. I didn't realise until I admitted it to people.

80sMum · 21/09/2021 11:09

Could you perhaps replace your sofa with a sofa bed? Then if it becomes intolerable you can just go and sleep there instead?

I used to do that, until the kids left home and we could have separate bedrooms.

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 21/09/2021 11:09

Awake not away

Itsnotallaboutyoubaby · 21/09/2021 13:23

If he won’t do anything then you need to. I would be booking myself into a hotel for a few nights

Itsnotallaboutyoubaby · 21/09/2021 13:24

And I came on here and said much the same thing once upon a time. Husband has sleep apnea.

Loubilou09 · 21/09/2021 13:56

@BrilloPaddy

We sleep in separate rooms, it's bliss. I've got a kingsize bed with a new mattress and sleep solidly for 7 hours every night. DH has got a horrific sleep disorder.... sleeps for about 4 hours in the day over multiple naps, then only sleeps at night from 4am onwards. I was close to killing him, night after night of sighing, moaning and kicking the bed. I nearly had an accident in the car one morning from the sleep deprivation and it motivated me into change.

I'm worried sick he's got some sort of sleep apnoea but he won't go to the GP and thinks it's perfectly normal to nap like he does. He's 57 Hmm

My husband eventually went to the gp 2 years ago and got a C-Pap machine and sleeps now for 8 hours a night. I think once I read him an article on the actual dangers of sleep apnoea, he woke up to the fact that it wasn't just the fact that he had broken sleep and made a noise that was affecting him.
Original poster
JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 21/09/2021 14:03

Thanks! So the situation has been tolerable but is getting worse as time goes on (for me) and really brought to a crisis by his cold. I estimate I have lost 8-9h sleep this week, on top of standard night wakings with childrem.

I looked at hotels this morning but we have so much work to do on the house and still paying childcare for twins so cannot really afford new sofa bed or random nights in hotels for a few months.

I feel a bit better after a coffee but I get migraines if I miss too much sleep and just cannot afford the time away from work

OP posts:
seaandsandcastles · 21/09/2021 14:08

DH said if I am really tired tonight I will surely sleep through but I was really tired last night too

I’d tell him to get fucked with that comment. That’s not how sleep works.

I’d banish him to the sofa. And if he whinges that he’s too tall for the sofa he can sleep on the floor.

SheWoreYellow · 21/09/2021 14:42

This is why you need to record him and play it back to him. I think sometimes snorers don’t realise how bad it is.

NiceWelshLady · 21/09/2021 16:04

You have my sympathy. My husband is a super-snorer too.

Could you find room for a Jaybe bed, or something similar in your living room? They fold up quite small, so don't take up much room in the daytime. They are quite comfortable and could provide a short-term solution.

You might find you don't need to use it very often, because knowing you have a solution can make the snoring more bearable.

We are fortunate to have spare rooms, but I find my husband's snoring more bearable when I know I can escape if I get desperate. It always seems worse if I feel trapped (if we are staying with family, friends, or in hotel, for example).

In the longer term, it's really important that your husband seeks medical advice. As other contributors have already pointed out, sleep apnoea can lead to very serious health problems.

honkytonkheroe · 21/09/2021 16:07

I manage by wearing ear plugs

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B01NBU2R5N?psc=1&ref=ppxpoppmobbbasin_title

and we have an air conditioning unit and I find the continual noise reduces my ability to hear the snoring! If in a hotel I have used white noise apps on my phone with some success too.

Franklin12 · 21/09/2021 16:14

At one point when we went on holiday I had to use sleeping pills. It really was that bad. We have a big enough house to sleep separately at home.

However on holiday etc I now use Bose Sleep Buds. The only thing that really works for me. You hear noise cancelling sounds which you control volume wise by the app on your phone.

I really wouldn’t be without them.

Better warn you they are over £200! I had literally tried everything though.

Maxiedog123 · 21/09/2021 16:32

Could you get a blow up mattress that fits on the living room floor for when things are really bad. useful for sleepovers too when the kids are bigger.

Hankunamatata · 21/09/2021 19:13

Sleep phones are good Dh used to snore and I slept in earphones for years. Now I do everything - nasal rinse, decongestants, humidifier, sleep on side and I still snore. DH knows its makes me feel really crappy when he goes on about it. We takes turns on mattress in the sittingroom if I get a cold

waltzingparrot · 21/09/2021 19:25

Could you swap beds with your youngest for a night or two. I feel your pain Flowers

RiotAtTheRodeo · 21/09/2021 19:38

Snore Lab is a the app you need to make him face the full horror of his walrus snoring.

MrsSkylerWhite · 21/09/2021 20:44

Maxiedog123

Could you get a blow up mattress that fits on the living room floor for when things are really bad. useful for sleepovers too when the kids are bigger.“

For the husband, I assume?

If not, er, NO. His problem, he needs to get sorted and sleep on the uncomfortable blow up in the meantime.

Turkishangora · 21/09/2021 20:49

Why is everyone suggesting that the op sleep on a blow up/sofa/kids room?? The DH needs to be the one who shifts until he sorts it!

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 21/09/2021 20:56

Treat yourself to a couple of nights on the living room floor, I invested in a fold out memory foam matress. Just a couple of nights a week can make a huge difference and let you top up with sleep. Also earplugs - they don’t drown out the noise completely, you can still hear crying kids , but it does take the edge off. And my favourite- have a nice long bath and an early night, so that you are flat out before he gets to bed . And if he wakes you up at 4am you’ve already had a good kip!

Swipe left for the next trending thread