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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to decline?

29 replies

coffeewithmilk · 20/09/2021 20:46

I've been invited to a good friends hen do next year which is just after I will have given birth. Baby will be around 11 weeks.
I was asked to contribute money towards the hen do to secure the place that needs to be booked.

AIBU to decline?

I said I wouldn't be able to go, but I'm the only one in the group that can't go.. I know I'm probably overthinking it but I'll have a new baby and I just don't want to commit to something right now

OP posts:
Youdoyoutoday · 20/09/2021 20:50

Absolutely fine to say no, you're being realistic, nothing wrong with that and if the bride is a decent person, she will understand.

Chunkymenrock · 20/09/2021 20:55

Yanbu! You'll be very glad you did decline I reckon, when the time comes.

GoWalkabout · 20/09/2021 21:01

Yes you must decline x

PinkGiraffe1 · 20/09/2021 21:23

Surely it depends on what the thing is you're paying money for? And how much? If its a day/night thing and a small deposit you can afford (& get back if you can't attend) then why not and just see how you feel nearer the time? (And I say this with an 8 week old)

Leeds2 · 20/09/2021 21:27

I would just decline.

If it is a meal out at a local restaurant, you will probably be able to add yourself to the group after your baby is here. If it is a weekend abroad/at the other end of the country, you probably won't want to go so best tell the bride now.

Rizzoli123 · 20/09/2021 21:34

I would say no. All sorts of things could happen during the pregnancy. Baby could be late. Worse case is you may need a c section and that's a major op. Hopefully you wont but I would say no

HummingBeeBox · 20/09/2021 21:39

There is no way I could have gone to a hen do when Dd was that age and feeding every couple or hours. Absolutely fine to decline

fluffythedragonslayer · 20/09/2021 21:39

I wouldn't have been up for doing anything when my babies were 11 weeks! Some people might and everyone is different of course but it's fine to decline for that reason.

BlueMoons90 · 20/09/2021 21:42

YANBU

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/09/2021 21:42

No way will you want or be able to go to a hen night when baby is 11 weeks. Definitely decline.

WoozySnoozy · 20/09/2021 21:43

Yeah that's fine. Best to opt out now than later.

8dpwoah · 20/09/2021 21:47

I had similar and declined (it was a full weekend that would have cost me two weeks' SMP at least) and have been fairly much shunned as a result, I hope that doesn't happen to you but just something to be aware of. People are a bit weird about weddings. Still, it's one way to find out things you need to know about 'friends'....

rattlemehearties · 20/09/2021 21:50

Really depends on the do. I went to a wedding with a 9 week old. You might make it to the hen do if it's baby suitable. Though you seem fairly convinced you won't and you're allowed to say no. So yanbu

OrangeTortoise · 20/09/2021 21:50

I did go on a hen do when DD was 10 weeks (and EBF) and left her with DH. It was a very close friend and I really didn't want to miss it! But YANBU to decline.

Antinerak · 20/09/2021 22:05

YANBU. You and the bride can meet before the wedding for tea and cake or something baby friendly. She'll understand

Beautiful3 · 20/09/2021 22:13

I would decline because you don't know what kind of delivery you'll have. A c section/cut and stitched will need a long recovery period. Time to put yourself first.

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 20/09/2021 22:16

It's not unreasonable to say no. What's the issue? You think the hen will mind you not going or you fear missing out

Holskey · 20/09/2021 22:16

I wouldn't have been able to go. Some people might be able to, but as you're already thinking it's unlikely, it's probably not for you. Just decline. You'll be busy.

avamiah · 20/09/2021 22:18

Just say you can’t .
Don’t worry about it, you have a new baby.

OwlinaTree · 20/09/2021 22:18

YANBU to decline, but the bride INBU to be disappointed. Did the bride go to your hen party?

Librocubicularistt · 20/09/2021 22:28

Please decline and take the time to rest and catch up on sleep as you’ll need it

Phoenix76 · 20/09/2021 22:39

@OwlinaTree

YANBU to decline, but the bride INBU to be disappointed. Did the bride go to your hen party?
Unless the bride had an 11 week old baby if she went to op’s hen, it’s irrelevant. I couldn’t have attended when either of mine were so little. Crippling tiredness, potentially breastfeeding....... say no op.
billy1966 · 20/09/2021 22:45

Far, far easier to just decline rather than have the completely unnecessary stress of having to decline later down the line.

OwlinaTree · 20/09/2021 22:47

Yes, I don't necessarily think the op should go to the hen, but I don't the the bride is unreasonable to be disappointed. Bit crap for the last one to get married if all the friends can't go because they've got babies!

Notaroadrunner · 20/09/2021 22:50

Just say that, as you cannot commit to going, it's best to decline now so as not to be messing her around nearer the time.

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