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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Long term relationships - lust - survey

29 replies

Anothermothernamegame · 20/09/2021 17:13

Inspired by a conversation I had with a friend earlier.

Wondering whether I'd you're in a long term relationship (more than 5 years) do you still list after your partner?

YABU - Yes, of course!
YANBU - Nope.

OP posts:
Aria2015 · 20/09/2021 17:14

Yes! 18 years and counting. Still definitely fancy him lots and lots.

FourEyesGood · 20/09/2021 17:15

“Lusting after” him would be strange at any stage. I fancy him and am still attracted to him, but of course the initial passion has subsided quite a bit!

TheLittleGreenToaster · 20/09/2021 17:17

Yep! 8 years and still feels like the honeymoon phase, helps that DP is a gorgeous specimen! I hope I'm lucky enough to feel the same in 10 years time @Aria2015

Amz6219 · 20/09/2021 17:18

14 years - not that obsessed type lust from when first met, but I still think he is gorgeous :)

Lockheart · 20/09/2021 17:20

What's the survey in aid of, OP?

Original poster
Anothermothernamegame · 20/09/2021 18:01

@Lockheart

What's the survey in aid of, OP?
I had resigned myself to believing that no-one still feels that way long term, but clearly I am wrong!
OP posts:
NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 20/09/2021 18:14

Nearly 7 years, still fancy him,but not in a rip the clothes off way, most of the time, which is sad

123rd · 20/09/2021 18:16

God yes. 20+ yrs and would still rip his kit off

Original poster
Anothermothernamegame · 20/09/2021 18:20

For those that still fancy your partners - if you lost that for good, would you stay together or would you see the relationship as over at that point?

OP posts:
MistyFrequencies · 20/09/2021 18:20

13 years. Still total lust. Two young kids and busy lives mean acting on it becomes wayyy less frequent thannit was at start but I still look at his forearms sometimes and just go a bit shaky at the knees.

TheHouseIsOnFire · 20/09/2021 18:21

Been together nearly 10 years. He looked at me a certain way on the sofa last night and we ended up having sex Grin. Without lust it would be a sad state of affairs.

MsAwesomeDragon · 20/09/2021 18:23

We've been together 17 years. I still love him, I still count him as my best friend. We don't massively lust after each other though. Ours is a much more comfortable, familiar type of love, and it suits me very well.

Icouldbehappy · 20/09/2021 18:23

Definitely the forearms with me, as well Grin

BlueJag · 20/09/2021 18:43

32 years and we still fancy each other but we don't do it too often maybe one a 2-3 times a month. Still very nice 😊

JorisBonson · 20/09/2021 18:43

6 years, he's still the best looking man I've ever seen.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 20/09/2021 18:46

Lust is exhausting. Give me comfy love, companionship and Horlicks any day

Seriously though, no, but I've never really been a lusty sort of woman, there's probably something a bit wrong with me 😁

scarpa · 20/09/2021 18:47

Definitely still fancy DH a lot. We're both older and we have a lot less sex these days than we used to when it was 3 or 4 times every time we saw each other, but the spark is very much still there - we're just busier and tireder these days, ha!

SheABitSpicyToday · 20/09/2021 18:48

I still have naughty day dreams about him during the day Blush

BlueMoons90 · 20/09/2021 18:51

Nearly 7 years and I still fancy him like I did the day I met him!

BlueMoons90 · 20/09/2021 18:51

@SheABitSpicyToday

I still have naughty day dreams about him during the day Blush
Same!
fallfallfall · 20/09/2021 18:51

I’m on year 40. Five years is not a long term relationship.
Of course at 5 years my heart skipped a few beats when I saw him.

BoreiPuriHagafen · 20/09/2021 18:52

14 years, 2 kids , and we still fancy the pants off each other.

geeses · 20/09/2021 19:05

Five years is not a long term relationship 😂 alright!

This is something I've never really considered before but I've never lusted after DP. I look at him sometimes and think he looks gorgeous/sexy but it's never been a really lusty relationship. Sex is brilliant though, and I wouldn't change a thing.

PooWillyNameChange · 20/09/2021 19:10

@SheABitSpicyToday

I still have naughty day dreams about him during the day Blush
Me too! 8 years here. We have an 18 month old and I'm months pregnant and I don't think we've dipped to less than 3X a week apart from the couple of weeks after the last birth. He is physically attractive but also very kind and clever and still makes me go all floppy.
Amz6219 · 21/09/2021 10:10

@Anothermothernamegame

For those that still fancy your partners - if you lost that for good, would you stay together or would you see the relationship as over at that point?
Not necessarily, depends on the situation

Relationships aren't always lusty, there's a lot of time in between where mundane life gets in the way - children, tiredness, work, life stress etc. etc. and sometimes you have ruts where you need to work on the spark

I still think he is gorgeous after 14 years but I haven't felt like I fancy him at all times throughout those 14 years, sometimes he can be a total d* :-D