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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Such an awful mother I am

67 replies

Cocomani · 20/09/2021 13:17

So I’ll give a detailed step by step account on things.
I have twins dc (2y) and a baby (4m)
Around 11am I came back from the clinic with 1 of the twins and the baby. DH stayed home with the other twin.
I come in, take baby into the nursery for nap and then stay in living room with the twins till baby wakes around 1pm.
When I went to get the baby the twins followed me out and I walked back into the living room and went into my dh office to tell him I’m taking the kids out and ask if he needs anything from the shop.
He asks me where the twins are and I tell him in the hallway.
BUT NO! They opened the door to the apartment, call the lift, press the lobby button, go through the lobby door, press the security button that opens the door that leads you outside and they both go running in different directions.
Thank god they were still in plain sight. But oh my god!!! I can’t beleive I didn’t lock the front door!!!!!!
I can’t beleive I let this happen. This is so awful. My heart is still beating fast and this happened over an hour ago! :(
Pleas tell me this has happened to other people :(

OP posts:
EishetChayil · 20/09/2021 13:20

Ohh I know the feeling. Not with twins, but with one-year-old DD who suddenly developed the ability to climb up the stairs. I turned my back for a matter of seconds, and she was upstairs playing with electric plugs...

FlipFlops4Me · 20/09/2021 13:23

I was hoovering upstairs and looked out of our bedroom window to see my 18 month old son legging it up the road as fast as his little legs would carry him. Luckily there was a girl I knew walking ahead of him so I yelled to her, she fielded sprog and brought him back to the wide open front door.....

yellowgingham · 20/09/2021 13:39

I took my DD to a playdate recently and my DD's friend's younger sister somehow opened the back gate and wandered down the road.

It happens, I expect you'll feel shaken for a few days but don't beat yourself up. All of us make mistakes.

Tinkerbellfluffyboots79 · 20/09/2021 13:42

I had one like that! Mini Houdini I called him, 2 would really have made me grey. I got a chain on the door as he could unlock doors so chain was always on. All is well you’re not a bad mum, stuff happens and we learn from it and move forwards glad all was well. I’ve 4 kids so plenty mistakes made and they are all well Flowers

TastyToastie · 20/09/2021 13:46

You're not bad at all, you're just learning as you go along like every single other parent. They are fine and you're not going to let it happen again.

I have never locked our front door in the daytime, just never given it any thought whereas if I'd have had an escaper, I'd have had to.

AliceW89 · 20/09/2021 13:49

I was at toddler group this morning and another mum’s DT2 (the calm, chilled out one!) left the building into the car park while she stopped DT1 chucking himself off a stack of chairs. I struggle with one DC so I definitely think you should cut yourself some slack with 3 under 3! X

lunkitsmum · 20/09/2021 13:51

I’m sure most of us have been there, was singing along to the radio cooking tea one winter evening when the neighbour knocked on the door to let me know my 2 year old had unlocked the door and taken the puppy out in the dark to play out the front. I was so upset and bought a top latch the next day! Remember my mum loosing little brother in a shopping centre at about the same age. Don’t let it upset you too much deep breath and carry on.

TheQueef · 20/09/2021 13:52

Many years ago now.
I put toddler DS down for his nap upstairs.
Made a drink and mopped the floors downstairs.
Sat on the back step for a smoke while the floor dried.
Noticed what looked like a baby unaccompanied at the bus stop across the field.
Rushed upstairs to grab DS so we could rescue the baby.... ofc he wasn't in bed.
How he got past me and got out I'll never know I just thank God it was a Sunday and no busses or who knows where he would have ended up!
Glad I didn't discover he was missing first too or I'd have panicked.
It happens, twins must be harder still Smile

Holskey · 20/09/2021 13:52

I think every single parent has a tale. Most of us benefit from good fortune and it works out okay.

Lesson learned, no harm done, now forgive yourself.

edwinbear · 20/09/2021 13:54

When DS was about 2, we'd gone on holiday abroad. We'd settled him down for the night and were sat on the balcony having a drink, safe in the knowledge he was asleep in bed.

I went to check on him after about 30 mins and he wasn't there. He'd got out of bed, opened the hotel room door and ran off down the corridor. As I was running up and down in a blind panic trying to locate him, a very kind, elderly German tourist brought him back. We spent the rest of the holiday barricading the door with chairs, suitcases etc. It happens OP, and I can't imagine how stressed you must be with toddler twins and a new baby Flowers

TheNinny · 20/09/2021 13:54

Me and my twin sister escaped the house on my dad’s watch at age 3.
We went running towards the park, towards a very busy main road. He noticed it had gone quiet and saw our hair running past the living room window. He caught us in time before the road though 👍 all was well and you learn for next time

Coronawireless · 20/09/2021 13:57

Saw our hair running past…love it!!!

KeepSmiling89 · 20/09/2021 14:00

Hi OP
Not a parent here (but soon to be one in a couple of months!)
What a wee adventure your twins had! From the comments I've read on here, you're not alone and not an awful mother. You will feel shaken up and will beat yourself up about it, but imagine telling this story to friends, family and the twins in 10 years' time, you'll be laughing!
As others have said, you learn as you go along being a parent so this is just a learning experience.

AliceW89 · 20/09/2021 14:01

@TheQueef

Many years ago now. I put toddler DS down for his nap upstairs. Made a drink and mopped the floors downstairs. Sat on the back step for a smoke while the floor dried. Noticed what looked like a baby unaccompanied at the bus stop across the field. Rushed upstairs to grab DS so we could rescue the baby.... ofc he wasn't in bed. How he got past me and got out I'll never know I just thank God it was a Sunday and no busses or who knows where he would have ended up! Glad I didn't discover he was missing first too or I'd have panicked. It happens, twins must be harder still Smile
Oh my Lord 🙈 this must have been truly awful for you at the time..but the image of a toddler sat at the bus stop absolutely made up with themselves for their audacious escape did make me chuckle (in a mildly terrified way of what’s to come!!)
ASatisfyingThump · 20/09/2021 14:04

We've all been there, DS1 did it at about 2.5, I left him alone for two minutes to go to the loo and he was out the front door. We fitted a bolt at the top the same day. It feels horrible now, but I promise that when they're older it'll just be a funny anecdote that you laugh about.

Brollywasntneededafterall · 20/09/2021 14:05

Twins in the news recently fell to their death from a block of flats while apparently their dm was on her mobile phone...
Accidents happen op. That's what happened to your family... Don't beat yourself up...
My ds had a nasty accident as a toddler and the blame always is yours in your own mind. Not always in reality..

YouMeandtheSpew · 20/09/2021 14:06

I honestly don’t think there’s a parent alive who doesn’t have a story like this OP! And you have 3 under 3!

JudgeJ · 20/09/2021 14:06

@Holskey

I think every single parent has a tale. Most of us benefit from good fortune and it works out okay.

Lesson learned, no harm done, now forgive yourself.

Yes, I'm sure that 99.9% of us have a similar story to tell yet people are often so critical and sanctimonious of others.
Toucantweet · 20/09/2021 14:14

Driving along with toddler daughter in the back and noticed car behind me flashing furiously. Checked rear view mirror to find that daughter had unbuckled her car seat and was lying prone on the parcel shelf......she was like a ninja. I thought she was fast asleep.
23 now but I still check on her in the car!

firstimemamma · 20/09/2021 14:14

Not an entirely similar story to yours but when ds was about 18 months I left him alone just to go for a quick wee and when I came back I discovered he'd got his leg stuck in the bars of his cot. It took literally half an hour to free him and I had to try different lubricants. Was close to calling the fire brigade. Was terrifying for him and me. He was unharmed but the guilt stayed with me for absolutely ages. Everyone makes mistakes Thanks

JustFrustrated · 20/09/2021 14:15

Dd1 - late Walker. 2 years old, we are at Xscape with the wider family. We all totally forgot she could walk now, it had been literally a week since she'd started walking. Sat having a chat waiting to go on this sledging thing when suddenly a man appears holding her "is this yours" he asked (my sister, whoops) and turns out, in the few minutes we'd been chatting she'd unclipped her buggy, walked off, into the elevator to the upstairs café. She went from toddling one step, to walking as if she'd been doing it for months, in a day.

Dd2 - in the back garden playing with her big sister. We were in the living room chatting (I see a theme). Back garden was totally secure, fenced, padlocked gate. So no reason to think they could escape, could also hear them playing as all the doors were open. I look up, and a man and woman are walking up my drive way, one holding the youngest and the other her trike. She'd scaled the fence, dropped into the neighbors garden, her sister handed her her trike, and off she went to get some sweeties. She was 2 as well. We lived on a main road, which had HGVs up and down it constantly. The man had stopped his car because she was in the middle of the road. My blood still runs cold now, 7 years later.

Op, no harm, no foul. You've had a reminder, as did I and other PPS, that kids are fucking pricks sometimes and we need eyes, ears and hands everywhere. It does get easier.

1forAll74 · 20/09/2021 14:15

Yes I think that this will happen a lot when you have little ones, who suddenly know how to open doors, and explore all things etc. it just reminded me about when my Son was just over two years old. I was in my kitchen sorting some cupboards out, my son was in the garden playing, garden very visible from large kitchen window. I looked up, and couldn't see my son, he had come into a little porch area near the kitchen door, got the dog lead off a hook, put dog lead on our dog, and quickly opened the long gate on the driveway, and was about to take the dog for a walk.

We had a long driveway, leading to a quiet village road thankfully, if he had gone any further.. But even so, I was quite amazed that he had mentally known how to do all these things, probably always noticing parents do all these things..

SuperStarRose · 20/09/2021 14:16

It's a bit like when they roll for the first time and it's invariably off a high changing unit Shock

At least they're ok and you'll be adding a million new locks to your front door Grin

Cocomani · 20/09/2021 14:26

@Brollywasntneededafterall that sent chills down my spine. I feel sick just thinking something like that has happened to other children.

OP posts:
Cocomani · 20/09/2021 14:29

Yes - according to my dh a lady that lives on same floor as us was trying to walk one of them back and dc was trying to run away from her. Oh god! Actually anything could’ve happened!! Very, very very lucky it didn’t. That’s all it is. Luck!! And me forgetting to lock the door :(

OP posts:
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