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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have fallen out with my cousin over this?

45 replies

MiaMarshmallows · 19/09/2021 22:08

I am ugly physically and always been quiet/last of the group to be picked picked anything at school etc.
I also have a strange voice. I've always been asked where I am from as people refuse to believe I'm Essex born and bred. Apparently I sound really northern and I have been told I end sentences with a sort of question lilt.
Anyway over the past few years people have started imitating my accent and it does upset me. For example if I am saying Ellie it will come out as Elle my cousin has started imitating me without saying its me she is imitating. I really blew up at her earlier telling her that she knows I am self conscious about my voice amongst everything else. She apologised but said she couldn't help it.
Now I am sat in my room like a young woman crying at how weird I must appear both in looks, mannerisms and voice. I am just sick of being me but also feel a bit guilty as things were left badly between my cousin and I and we have always been close. Aibu to have got angry with her?

OP posts:

AssassinatedBeauty · 19/09/2021 22:20

It's not nice of her to mimic you in a way meant to be unkind to you. And it's odd of her to say she couldn't help it! Of course she can help it and choose not to do it.

LemonSherbetFancies · 19/09/2021 22:25

Yeah she's rude. Nasty way to behave towards you.

pumpkinspice22 · 20/09/2021 08:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AssassinatedBeauty · 20/09/2021 11:30

How is your cousin to known that she has touched a raw nerve?

Um, because imitating someone's voice is a bit of a weird and unpleasant thing to do?

Hadjab · 20/09/2021 11:35

When you say imitating, what do you mean? Is she saying this is how Miamarshmellows sounds, or is she subconsciously picking up your accent and speech patterns? I know I do this a lot, it’s not deliberate, it just happens the longer I’m in conversation with someone.

Cadent · 20/09/2021 11:39

YANBU at all, your cousin was nasty.

I doubt you’re ugly at all, just surrounded by arseholes

Cadent · 20/09/2021 11:39

*you’re

Cadent · 20/09/2021 11:40

Oooh it was right already

SunnySideDownBriefly · 20/09/2021 11:41

You're being bullied by the people around you. Who the hell are they to tell you that you have a 'weird' accent? There is nothing wrong with you.

TempName01 · 20/09/2021 11:48

@Hadjab

I do this too, especially with an Irish friend, I cringe at myself when I realise I am doing it 😳

EmpressSuiko · 20/09/2021 12:11

That’s not nice at all OP? Is she doing it on purpose? I’m sure you aren’t ugly, I’m a person who sees myself as a so hideous but no one thinks I’m ugly, you are being very harsh on yourself.
I’m from Essex but everyone asks where I’m from as I don’t have an Essex accent and people do tease me for it, I also don’t look typically English so people assume I’m foreign!

altiara · 20/09/2021 12:15

Would she have done this to her boss? If no, then she can help it.

So yes, it’s best not to blow up at people in general, but with your cousin, yes, she was being a bitch and she does it because she can get away with it. Stand up for yourself and she’ll stop. Or don’t socialise with her, you won’t miss her.

SoupDragon · 20/09/2021 12:18

How is your cousin to known that she has touched a raw nerve?

It's right there in the OP! "I really blew up at her earlier telling her that she knows I am self conscious about my voice amongst everything else"

Mumski45 · 20/09/2021 12:23

As @Hadjab said are you sure she is deliberately mimicking you. My DH automatically (and quite significantly) changes his accent when speaking to different people. It's a subconscious thing which he doesn't always notice until it's pointed out to him.

amusedbush · 20/09/2021 12:31

Are you neurodivergent, OP? I'm ND and weird accents are really common among us. Mine has an almost American twang yet I was born and bred in Edinburgh . I don't sound anything like any of my friends or family and nobody who meets me can place where I'm from. I mirror accents and body language, so it looks like I'm mimicking people but I don't mean to.

I also have a really strange intonation/inflection and the pitch and volume of my voice can be all over the place. I'm forever being told that I'm too loud.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 20/09/2021 12:43

My DH automatically (and quite significantly) changes his accent when speaking to different people. It's a subconscious thing which he doesn't always notice until it's pointed out to him.

I do it too. Didn't realise until I came out of an interview room sounding as if I came from Johannesburg having spent 4 hours in there with a South African couple much to the amusement of my colleagues. Since then I'm really self conscious about it but I suspect I've always done it along with mirroring body language I just hadn't noticed until it was so different from my usual speech patterns.

Do you know anyone else with a different accent to see if she does it to them as well?

Original poster

MiaMarshmallows · 20/09/2021 12:45

I have been asked if I am on the spectrum because of my voice and shy nature. I don't typically fit the criteria as I read people well etc but who knows.
I just hate who I am and come across so weird to others I know I do.

My cousin went red when I told her to stop taking the piss. Sometimes I will say something like the example I gave above like 'Ellie' and she will say it as 'Ell-eh.' I don't know if that makes sense.
I just wish I could look, sound and blend in with everyone else rather than coming across as an ugly freak

OP posts:

AssassinatedBeauty · 20/09/2021 13:04

You don't need to sound like everyone else and blend in. People are different, that's what makes them interesting! If the people around you are rude or hostile to people who are different, then they are the ones with issues and they have a very narrow and limited mindset.

You are being very very harsh on yourself, inevitably we are our own worst critics, and listening to that negative internal dialogue isn't going to be helping. Have you ever spoken to anyone who could help you with your self esteem?

Original poster

MiaMarshmallows · 20/09/2021 13:08

I just feel like I am a joke. I hate how weird my voice sounds to the point where people imitate it. I've noticed it briefly with others and it's embarrassed me but I let it go. But my cousin has been imitating me constantly which is why I got angry. I know I come across as odd. Certainly don't need it thrown in my face.
I dont even think it is a self esteem issue really. Unfortunately I am physically unattractive and I do have a weird voice. I wish I could be anyone but me.

OP posts:

Marmelace · 20/09/2021 13:15

Your cousin is a run of the mill duck head, whereas I bet you are very unique and a pleasure to be around. Don't think that being like everyone else is the best thing, it most definitely isn't. You need more confidence. Think about things you like to do, stop spending time with edits who have no empathy for who you are. I'd much rather be a square peg than a boring round arsenal xxxxxx

Marmelace · 20/09/2021 13:16

Duck = dick
Edit = egit

Marmelace · 20/09/2021 13:17

Arsenal = arsehole, I'm not doing very well today 😕 🙄

MrsRobbieHart · 20/09/2021 13:22

Anyway over the past few years people have started imitating my accent

What changed a few years ago that people started imitating you when they didn’t before?

Tal45 · 20/09/2021 13:28

Wow I think you're being really hard on yourself. Your voice is your voice, lots of people have a lisp or an accent or voices pitched in an unusual way that some others might find odd or not like - look at David Beckham, he used to have the highest, squeekiest voice ever till he worked on it. My son has ASD and sometimes goes into a strange mix of Scottish and American accent.

I think you're also being hard on yourself about being ugly. Being pretty is made such a big thing of but there are so many amazing people whose appeal is not based on their looks, Mary Beard is one that immediately springs to mind - she is fabulous and I'd far rather meet her then anyone from Love Island!

I really think you need to try to embrace your oddness, being odd can be pretty cool, my ds is pretty odd and also endlessly fascinating - he sees words as all having different colours, especially names and has an amazing take on the world. If you can have fun with your oddness and learn to enjoy your eccentricities then you might well find that you being comfortable with yourself rubs off on others and they embrace it too.

I don't think it was unreasonable to be upset with your cousin but it would be a shame to end what sounds like it is otherwise a good relationship. Could you confide in her and tell her how you feel about yourself, explain how sensitive you feel about these things and perhaps she could help you in embracing them and feeling better about being you? x

Original poster

MiaMarshmallows · 20/09/2021 13:33

I don't know why people have suddenly started imitating me. But I think it's because I didn't realise just how odd I sounded. People have always said I have an accent which has always embarrassed me but I didn't know I pronounced words the way I did until my cousin started imitating me. Then I realised that people in my past had done the same. Just hadn't linked it to my own voice at the time. :(

I'm not confident enough to embrace how weird I am. I long to fit in with everyone else. To look halfway average and to have a normal voice etc. It makes me feel so unhappy that I am the way I am.

OP posts:

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