To have fallen out with my cousin over this?

[MiaMarshmallows]

I am ugly physically and always been quiet/last of the group to be picked picked anything at school etc.
I also have a strange voice. I've always been asked where I am from as people refuse to believe I'm Essex born and bred. Apparently I sound really northern and I have been told I end sentences with a sort of question lilt.
Anyway over the past few years people have started imitating my accent and it does upset me. For example if I am saying Ellie it will come out as Elle my cousin has started imitating me without saying its me she is imitating. I really blew up at her earlier telling her that she knows I am self conscious about my voice amongst everything else. She apologised but said she couldn't help it.
Now I am sat in my room like a young woman crying at how weird I must appear both in looks, mannerisms and voice. I am just sick of being me but also feel a bit guilty as things were left badly between my cousin and I and we have always been close. Aibu to have got angry with her?

Your cousin is bloody rude.

End of.

No one likes to be mocked.

She deserves EVERYTHING you said.

Do not feel bad for her.

She needs to STFU with her taking the piss.

Please try not to be so hard on yourself.

@pumpkinspice22

Oh dear OP, it sounds to me as though the issue isn't with your cousin, but with your self-esteem in general. How is your cousin to known that she has touched a raw nerve? So YABU if this damages your ongoing relationship with your cousin. Have you thought about addressing the issue (with your self-esteem) directly? I'm no expert, but maybe consider either a good self-help book, or even better - some professional guidance, cognitive behavioural therapy perhaps? You can't help your voice, and it probably isn't as noticeable as all that anyway (I know plenty of people who get the p* taken out of their voices/accents).. you just need to learn to accept, and celebrate who you are!

What utter crap

When you say people are imitating you, is this happening in one to one conversation with them? If it is then I really think it’s unlikely they are deliberately doing it to mock you, more that they are subconsciously mirroring. If it is in a group and they are doing it and then laughing to each other then it is a different matter.

what does this mean?

"Now I am sat in my room like a young woman"

How old are you, OP? Are you not a young woman? (You sound quite young.) Do you live in a houseshare or with your parents?

In what circumstances are people imitating you?

what age are you. what are your circumstances.
do you have a job.
have you got enough money to pay for elocution lessons, or could a family member help you pay, more something like to speak effectively.
could you do some drama workshops.
or singing.
if you have a problem, feel dissatisfied with how you sound or present yourself, you can work on that.
see it as a project. progress can be made.
good luck.

They do it when I am speaking 1/1 with them. For example. I was speaking about a dog called Bonnie that I know and my cousin said 'Bon-eh'. It's just stuff like that.
I'm not really young. Don't even want to say my age although my history will show it. Could do without someone commenting on how immature I sound alongside everything else that is wrong with me to be honest.

Your cousin sounds like a dick but I believe elocution lessons are still a thing. If you can't accept yourself as you are maybe you should try to change the things that make you self-conscious.

It just drains me as I would be here changing things for the rest of my life.
I just want to be normal. That's all. Just a normal person who is relatively attractive with a normal voice and a normal level of confidence.

@MiaMarshmallows

They do it when I am speaking 1/1 with them. For example. I was speaking about a dog called Bonnie that I know and my cousin said 'Bon-eh'. It's just stuff like that. I'm not really young. Don't even want to say my age although my history will show it. Could do without someone commenting on how immature I sound alongside everything else that is wrong with me to be honest.

I said you sound young. Because you have reacted very emotionally to something seemingly quite small, and because you described yourself, somewhat confusingly, as "like a young woman" (still don't know what you meant by that) and further because you mentioned shutting yourself "in my room" as if you either rent a room in a flatshare or live with your parents (both characteristic of the young, usually) rather than live by yourself/independently.

Your reaction is an(other) example of reading too much into something/attributing malice where none exists/putting words or motives into someone's mouth or actions. I didn't say you sound immature, you added that all by yourself.

First of all I seriously doubt you are ugly. If your accent comes across as a bit different than others, who cares. You are an individual and you should be proud of that. You are seriously lacking in confidence. Don't listen to the arseholes who try and imitate you. They are completely rude and probably insecure themselves. By proud of yourself. You are unique.

Have you recorded yourself reading a few paragraphs of a book then played it back to hear how you actually pronounce your words? That will give you a far better overview than listening to the opinions of 'friends' and relatives.

If you think changing your voice would help you to feel as though you'd fit in more, I think the more modern term for elocution lessons is a Voice Coach. Google for one in your area, or try one online.

Once you can boost your confidence, you'll feel so much better, give it a try

No, you were being a little goady or disingenuous, @suspiria777. When OP said Now I am sat in my room like a young woman crying at how weird I must appear both in looks, mannerisms and voice it was made clear that she is not a particularly young woman. Your “you sound young… do you live with your parents” was unhelpful and I also read it as a little dig at OP.

I really feel for you @MiaMarshmallows I was actually thinking earlier tonight how much nicer the world would be if we were all championed for our physical differences rather than made fun of and expected to conform.

I am overly sensitive about my eyebrows after being made fun of and told to pluck them to death (90's brows!) and it's only now I'm starting to grown them out and embrace my natural bushy brows.

My DN has the most incredible hair that has a life of it's own, it's bright ginger and densely curly. Her mum has the same and was bullied horribly for it, thankfully her daughter has leaned into her uniqueness and wears it with pride. It makes me really happy to see and I wish I had half her confidence as an adult let alone at her age.

You may think you are weird or ugly and a million other negative things, but what you are is unique. There is no one else like you in the world and just because you don't fit into the narrow beauty standards of society doesn't make you less than.

I'm sure you have a million positive qualities that are far more important than something as arbitrary as how you look and sound and I bet if you had the right people around you and with a bit of work learning to value yourself for the bits that make you you you'd feel a bit better.

That the people around you are mean enough to make fun of you is part of the reason you feel so bad about yourself. They are twats and their opinion doesn't count, next time they make fun of you tell them to fuck off if they are going to be so miserable.

Maybe if you can it would be worth looking into speaking to someone about how you feel as well as cutting out these awful people from your life.

Thank you for the understanding. I still feel deeply sad but it helps to know some can relate to me.

In the example with your cousin, I think you might be being unfair. You told her about a dog called Bon-eh and she has repeated that back to you, it sounds like she is just clarifying do you mean Bon-eh or Bon-ee. As some dialects say Bon-eh, I’m not sure why you think people in general are making fun of you.

Hope you are feeling better today @MiaMarshmallows

No she knew the cat already. Knew it's name was Bonnie.
I doubt many cats are called Bonn-eh to be honest.

As I said she does it all the time. Not just with the cats name.

I think you should calmly tell her how much she hurts you when she makes fun of you. She probably has some wierd quirks that you very kindly don't pick up on. People always laugh at me as I have lisp, speak from the side of my mouth and come across strange at times. So I totally relate to your post.. I just try to higher my own vibe by doing things I like and hanging out with positive people.

@MiaMarshmallows

No she knew the cat already. Knew it's name was Bonnie. I doubt many cats are called Bonn-eh to be honest.

As I said she does it all the time. Not just with the cats name.

What you’re describing here, OP, is just a pronunciation difference which comes with a regional accent - it sounds like someone from the north midlands or around there. You don’t have a ‘weird’ voice - that would apply to your cadence, volume, pitch etc - but you seem to be bothered by the way you pronounce words. And everyone does that differently! I am from the SW but am quite RP in general, though occasionally my rounding of sounds comes out, and even more oddly, some very northern pronunciations which stem from being with a long-term northern boyfriend. So many people I know have picked up odd bits of accents from places they have lived, here and abroad, and have hybrid accents. It’s not even something worth remarking on.

Your cousin might have had a very small and sheltered life and therefore not encountered people with different accents from her own - in which case she is the unusual one and the one to be pitied.

If you really do want to rid yourself of an accent, there are probably coaching videos on YouTube - or just listen to an actor or presenter whose accent you like and try to copy theirs. I sometimes fancy being Scottish personally, and I might do it one day.

It sounds to me like someone or something in your life has made you fear difference and feel it’s in some way a personal failing. I think that you need to reframe that and celebrate the fact that you are a wonderful, unique YOU, and nobody else can ever be the same. Some therapy to work on your self esteem might be in order.

Remember also that beauty fades, and nobody truly values friends for how they look - they value them for their kindness, loyalty, ability to bring cake to cheer them when they’re down, their ability to make things fun, their truthfulness and their myriad other qualities which have nothing to do with what a person says or how they look, but how they act, what they say, and how they make another person feel.

Whoa stop! You aren’t ugly! You just have to own your looks and voice and get comfortable with both. As long as you believe this you will be uncomfortable. I could name countless women who are famous who are not classically beautiful but their warmth, wit and personality shine through and the become beautiful. Also some who are beautiful but their bad personalities shine through. So no YANBU to call someone out for taking the mickey but YABU for bullying yourself and believing life is about anything as shallow as looks. We don’t choose how we look, but we can choose how we deal with the cards we are dealt in life. Such as being kind to ourselves and others, giving ourselves the chance to see how amazing we can be and what we can achieve if we look beyond looks.