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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this isn't normal behaviour for a 5 year old

96 replies

BergamotMouse · 19/09/2021 19:02

Mostly posting here for traffic. Sorry if long.

My DD (5 years old) has such a lot of energy. Assumed it was normal but her calm 2 year old brother is making us question this a little.

She cannot sit still! Will rotate in her chair at meal times, cutlery clattering to the floor, drinks knocked over etc. If watching TV she will often be bouncing or be upside down, suddenly diving across the sofa for no reason.

She still has really big emotional outbursts, cannot control herself and will try to hurt us, she almost appears to shake with rage. These can last an hour or so.

She will not stop talking, interrupts frequently. Will often say 'mummy' or 'daddy...' to start a question with no direction and then just find something to fill it with.

She has issues with the toilet, constipation (on medication for this), will still have damp pants and is very against being told to go even though she's dancing around clearly desperate.

But on the other hand she is a fantastic big sister, patient most of the time with her brother and very kind. Plays with him intensely. Likes make believe but neither of them really play with toys.

They have very little screen time, Half an hour a day or so, sometimes none and we try and have them outside most of the day. She is absolutely fine when outside, we have no issues with behaviour then.

No issues from school, doing fine academically, I'm led to believe she's very well behaved. Ahead of where she should be with her reading, slightly behind with maths. She has some very close friendships (seems quite intense) but will be quite cold and distant with others. Children from school will shout hi to her in the park and she will give a brief wave, if that, and when I ask who it is she says she doesn't know.

I don't know what I'm thinking, Some kind of ADHD? Somewhere on the autism spectrum? I'm a teacher so don't say this lightly. Or is this just typical 5 year old behaviour?

OP posts:
Original poster
BergamotMouse · 19/09/2021 19:50

@Pissinthepottyplease

Constipation can cause small wee accidents due to the pressure of poo against the bladder. Constipation also has an impact on behaviour. Is her constipation under control? As in are her poo currently a 4 in the Bristol stool chart?
It's been a long road and I definitely think it impacts behaviour. She has 3 movicol a day and whilst she has a poo a couple of times a day I'm not convinced she's clearing everything.
OP posts:
mogkat · 19/09/2021 19:53

Sounds like my 4yo tbh. Especially the interrupting with nothing to actually say. It drives me mad! Lol

Capricornandproud · 19/09/2021 19:53

Sounds precisely like my son. He has ADD, and awaiting a diagnosis for Dyspraxia with suspected traits of Autism. No-one would ever guess it from the outside!

Original poster
BergamotMouse · 19/09/2021 19:53

@DollyDinkle

Does she breathe through her mouth when she's asleep?
She sleeps with her mouth open, I'll check tonight but she has a sore edge of mouth often from sleep dribbling. What does this indicate?
OP posts:
Original poster
BergamotMouse · 19/09/2021 19:54

@DeepaBeesKit

The calm 2 year old is more of the anomaly in my book......
Ha, possibly. He does have his moments but generally can listen, follow instructions and sit still.
OP posts:
scoopydoopy · 19/09/2021 19:58

My kid is 4 and behaves like this. Pleased to read its normal although I am on high alert as my h has adhd

Stumpholecavern · 19/09/2021 20:11

I have a 6yo like this.

Very high energy
Lots of emotional outbursts
Zones out
Listening is very hard

Not diagnosed with anything but I suspect she has adhd. She does hold it together all day at school and on playdates then has a huge outburst at home. I manage it by making sure she burns off lots of energy and reducing demands on her.

It's hard to know what the level to seek help at is.

Grumpasaurus · 19/09/2021 20:41

Honestly op, I have a five year old, and what you are describing definitely sounds on the extreme end of normal. I'd be questioning ADHD too. DS has moments as you describe but he can (now!) focus, pay attention, sit still, etc. And outbursts of aggression are abnormal now and don't last long. His NT friends are similar and he does have one friend diagnosed (privately) as ASD/ADHD is who sounds similar to your DD.

I don't say this to be cruel but to encourage early intervention as it makes such a difference!!!!!

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 19/09/2021 20:47

Sounds like typical 5 year old behaviour but I also wouldn't rule out ADHD with the interrupting and not being able to sit still!

PomPomChatton · 19/09/2021 21:01

It sounds like my DD's sensory seeking behaviour. No ASD, no ADHD, she's just looking for sensory feedback all the time. Constantly jumping, spinning, hanging upside down.

Whilst you wait for a referral (if you choose to do that) you could experiment with what helps. And what doesn't! For example my DD will sit on a wobble cushion at the dinner table. Or some soft textures and dark places really calm her down. Other textures, sounds etc wind her up. I'm sure you probably know much of what works for your DD already.

DingleyDel · 19/09/2021 21:08

Sounds a lot like my dd at 5. School never mentioned anything other than her being a model pupil. She was quite an intense child at times (still is) but assume lots of 5 yo are similar.

Shescratchedmyface · 19/09/2021 21:16

My son exactly OP. My son has sensory problems but is bright, kind and funny. He has emitional outbursts when its all too much and can be violent althou this is much improved.
My son was doing lots of sensory seeking behaviour mostly vestibular seeking such as bouncing and rolling around on the floor.
A lots of children benefit from vestibular input such as bouncing and swinging cycling etc and we do the bouncing on the sofa etc in attempt to regulate themselves.
Look it up, we bought a trampoline and it really helped.

Radiosilenced · 19/09/2021 21:20

Sounds very much like my dc who has adhd. I think age wise she might be too young to be properly diagnosed, but keep an open mind. Usually it gets picked up around age 7/8 for some reason.

JoborPlay · 19/09/2021 21:36

Sounds exactly like my 5yo. He was an extremely placid toddler so the shaking with rage has come as a surprise!

Original poster
BergamotMouse · 19/09/2021 21:42

@PomPomChatton

It sounds like my DD's sensory seeking behaviour. No ASD, no ADHD, she's just looking for sensory feedback all the time. Constantly jumping, spinning, hanging upside down.

Whilst you wait for a referral (if you choose to do that) you could experiment with what helps. And what doesn't! For example my DD will sit on a wobble cushion at the dinner table. Or some soft textures and dark places really calm her down. Other textures, sounds etc wind her up. I'm sure you probably know much of what works for your DD already.

Thank you - I think I might get a wobble cushion for meal times.
OP posts:
Original poster
BergamotMouse · 19/09/2021 21:45

@Shescratchedmyface

My son exactly OP. My son has sensory problems but is bright, kind and funny. He has emitional outbursts when its all too much and can be violent althou this is much improved. My son was doing lots of sensory seeking behaviour mostly vestibular seeking such as bouncing and rolling around on the floor. A lots of children benefit from vestibular input such as bouncing and swinging cycling etc and we do the bouncing on the sofa etc in attempt to regulate themselves. Look it up, we bought a trampoline and it really helped.
This is interesting. She loves hanging upside down off her climbing frame and is constantly moving and spinning. She'll call me into her room at night worked up because she can't sleep but I'll find her doing her doing a headstand on her bed whilst she says 'I just can't get to sleep!'
OP posts:
Treaclespongeandcustard · 19/09/2021 21:46

Typical 5 year old. Grin

Jasmine11 · 19/09/2021 21:50

TBH I think your calm 2 year old is the 'abnormal' one, your DD sounds like a typical 5 year old to me!

Notimeforaname · 19/09/2021 21:52

Apart from the emotional outbursts... This was me as a child. Couldn't sit still , constant talking, moving,jumping. I teach/coach a sport now. Have done for all of my adult life.
Still bounce around every day in my 30s.

Some people just have a lot of energy and it has to go somewhere. Smile

CheshireChat · 19/09/2021 21:52

My now nearly 7yo was and is like this and adding in some pretty serious sensory issues and difficulties adapting to social situations, means that he is now being assessed for ASD.

School picked up on it and though I had some concerns as well, I assumed he would grow out of some behaviours and he hasn't really.

Notimeforaname · 19/09/2021 21:53

Oh and it was always thought I was strange or I was 'out of control' because my older sibling was quiet and shy/not very active. It made me look crazier 😂

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 19/09/2021 21:59

Both of mine are like this. DD is dyslexic and I think a bit ADD her brother isn’t dyslexic but may be a bit dyspraxic. I’d recommend Reading the out-of-sync child for more information on sensory seeking. My DD really benefits from swimming and my DS loves gymnastics. They are both excellent for sensory kids.

KarmaViolet · 19/09/2021 22:00

This sounds a lot like my DD who has ASD and sensory processing disorder. Have a look at this clip on interoception and see if any of it rings any bells

We have a wobble cushion and kick bands for mealtimes, chewy necklaces, a sensory den with lights and cushions, a peanut ball, wobble board, sensory sock, and as much time outdoors as is humanly possible.

ScreamingDribbleBibble · 19/09/2021 22:03

What's her diet like? Any relationship between behaviour and certain foods enumbers/sugar/processedfood/drinks

CheshireChat · 19/09/2021 22:06

I apologise if I'm being stupid, but how do wobble cushions actually work? They don't look or sound that comfy, what am I missing?