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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why mens' stag 'events' have to be so long?

63 replies

Luanna1 · 19/09/2021 17:13

DH is currently away on a week long jolly abroad in a hot country for a friend's (not a close friend, we're not even invited to the bloody wedding!) stag do!

I'm pissed off! There is no way I'd be able to fuck off on a week long holiday and if I did it would take me weeks to deal with all the mess, laundry etc that had built up when I was away. And the kids would be fed takeaway.

Why do men have to have such long stag events?

OP posts:
ISpyCobraKai · 19/09/2021 20:40

That's nothing to do with a stag do or the length of it, it's him being shit.

Simonjt · 19/09/2021 20:42

I don’t know anyone who has had a week long stag, the longest one I’ve been on (and i’ve been on quite a few) was Friday mid afternoon to Sunday mid morning, most have been saturday to sunday.

spooney21 · 19/09/2021 21:00

Dh has been on lots of stags. Maximum has been 3 nights. Your dh and his mates are taking the piss!

Somuddled · 19/09/2021 21:24

Why do you put up with having a useless husband? I can never get my head round this. Nothing kills attraction faster than incompetence.

Frankola · 19/09/2021 21:40

It's an excuse for a lads holiday in some cases. Especially this one it seems.

I think its taking the piss that he's gone on this stag and none of you are even invited to the wedding. But your husband had a choice and he's chosen to go.

I'd be busy booking a nice break for myself if I was you

WorraLiberty · 19/09/2021 21:45

There is no way I'd be able to fuck off on a week long holiday and if I did it would take me weeks to deal with all the mess, laundry etc that had built up when I was away. And the kids would be fed takeaway.

Your question should be "Why am I living with such a selfish, incapable prick?"!

The length of other people's stag or hen dos for that matter isn't the problem here OP.

BrendaBubbles · 19/09/2021 21:46

A week? That is not normal especially not multiple ones. Could he be cheating?

Sydendad · 19/09/2021 22:08

@Merryoldgoat

Your problem is your husband is useless.

My husband has gone away for one night. Before leaving he batch cooked two lots of meals for the kids, cleaned the kitchen and did some ironing (whilst also doing breakfast and lunch).

I’m never going to understand women who have such low expectations from a person they reproduce with.

Love the finish line! Stop being a wimp. Seriously trust that it's not a stag do but they he is lying to you. Tell him you will go off on a week with your girlfriends and that if you find out he has fed the kids take away every day and the house isn't spotless on your return, it's divorce.
Abouttimemum · 19/09/2021 22:15

Yeah this isn’t a stag do issue it’s a DH issue.
My DH was last invited to a week long stag do abroad for a wedding he wasn’t invited to a couple of years ago and he didn’t go. Adults are capable of saying no. The longest he’s been on was 3 nights in Germany, and most that he goes on are one or two nights over a weekend. And quite often just a night out.

Also I do likewise for hens and come back to a tidy home and a well fed child.

I don’t know why women put up with so much bullshit.

MyPatronusIsACat · 19/09/2021 22:21

Womens are long too though......

ShatnersWig · 19/09/2021 22:24

I've never known a stag longer than a weekend. I have, though, known many hens lasting a week.

What makes you think only men behave like this, OP?

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 19/09/2021 22:35

I've just got married. My hen was a night out in Birmingham with meal and pub crawl ending in a nightclub. DH had a weekend away. I would be annoyed if he went on a week long one but suck it up and expect to be able to go on holiday myself. The thing is though it sounds like your DH doesn't do anything around the house which I would have not stood for in the first place.

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/09/2021 02:17

Your problem isn't the stag do. The problem is your partner won't step up and take his share of the responsibility.

This/ I worked away one week in four for two years. And went away for 10 days for a laugh. Both times came home to a clean house and a happy child.

As does DH when he goes away.

I work. Why can DH run a home?

chocolateorangeinhaler · 20/09/2021 06:40

They don't have to be. A guy who I work with just got married. His stag was a meal out with his friends because he said he wasn't into 'that stupid matco bullshit of spending a fortune abroad with mates being a dick'
It's become the norm (hen dos too) because people are very unoriginal and just copy what everyone else does.

ChaToilLeam · 20/09/2021 06:44

The problem is that your DH is a lazy arse. It’s ridiculous for a stag do to last a week and even more ridiculous for a man with family responsibilities to go on one.

Quartz2208 · 20/09/2021 06:50

Yes your problem here is a Husband who not only goes away for a week a the drop of a hat for someone who wedding he isn’t even going to but if you did the same he would leave you with the mess

How is it this week without him OP is it harder or easier

Wilkolampshade · 20/09/2021 07:01

They don't have to be though? At some point someone realised there was £££ to be made from gullible idiots doing this and here we are.
I know I'm going back a while, but my DH went out for a meal and a couple of pints for his. We've been married 26 years so got something right.
It sounds like your DH is a twat and you have bogglingly low expectations for yourself and your children.

Rainbowheart1 · 20/09/2021 07:05

Don’t see much wrong him going on holiday for a week if your ok with it.

See much wrong with the fact he doesn’t pull his weight. His lazy.

brewstoo · 20/09/2021 07:32

I know plenty of couples who go on week long separate lads and lasses holidays.

The problem for you is not the going away but that you feel you can't do the same.

notanothertakeaway · 20/09/2021 07:35

Week long stag holidays is one thing

Being married to someone who wouldn't facilitate you having a few days away is another

tttigress · 20/09/2021 07:38

I put YANBU, but it's not just men won't can be just as bad.

This seems like an extreme case though!

NailsNeedDoing · 20/09/2021 08:13

Yabu to describe the week long stag events as something only men do. Plenty of women have weeks away or a long weekend away for a hen.

Going away for a few days shouldn’t be that much of an issue, I did it plenty of times when my kids were little without any issue, and so did their father. The reason for the trip away is irrelevant.

NotYourCupOfTea · 20/09/2021 08:49

Yabu because you have chosen to have 2 children with someone who isn’t capable of parenting…..
3 takeaways a day isn’t ideal but not the end of the world so I’d be booking a weekend away for myself

AnyFucker · 20/09/2021 08:53

You are being treated like an absolute mug

And not just about this “lad’s holiday”

Naunet · 20/09/2021 08:58

Good god, why do women put up with these sexist lazy pricks?