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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weekends out when single and 40. How often?

31 replies

Toadmystery44 · 19/09/2021 14:25

I am single and 40. I live in a different city than I grew up in. Been here many years and have a few close friends. lots of friends in different cities round U.K. In my 30s was always out at the weekend or away visiting.

As people married and had kids my weekend night outs became less frequent. Mostly lunches or coffee with friends during the day. Dinners out on week nights etc. Haven’t lost touch, but it’s more family friendly activities or when baby sitters can be found. No off the spur boozy nights out. Or if they are they end early. That’s fine I adapt as I love my friends and their kids. I do have nights out booked, but due to all my friends being married and kids you need to book them in Advanced.

However, seeing a guy. He has his kid every Saturday night. He was asking what I was doing. Reply nothing much been out for lunch. He then says I need to get out and will no one go out with you? Seemed a bit odd. Then told he asks what am I doing. I replied nothing much, gym maybe hobby. He then asks has no one asked you to do anything.

Seems he thinks I have no social life. I did ask what he would be doing if he didn’t have his kid. He replied doesn’t know as he always has his kid 3 Saturdays a month and his free Saturday is spent with me or planned to see the boys.

So I ask. Am I the lonely person with no weekend social life? Is anyone the same as me? I feel he is making out I have. O friends or life!!

OP posts:
Saoirse82 · 19/09/2021 20:52

YANBU. At 40 the boozy weekends are long gone. Im late 30s and a night out is usually a special occasion planned weeks in advance. Most friends have kids or even if they don't they've got to the age where they don't want to be in a bar every weekend and have a hangover for half the week!

maffhew · 19/09/2021 20:59

He's negging you. Beware.

Scones13 · 19/09/2021 21:05

Same. Early 40's single. Rarely go out in the evening unless Birthday etc. Mainly meet for lunch.

JoanOgden · 19/09/2021 21:06

I am early 40s and single and sometimes I do something on Saturday evening, e.g. theatre with a friend, but sometimes I have nothing planned, and honestly I hate heavy drinking these days. So yes you are normal, and the guy sounds quite odd, and rude.

Penistoe · 19/09/2021 21:09

He's negging you. Beware.

What does this mean? Genuinely not being sarky

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 19/09/2021 21:11

Aged 37, not very often these days and when I do it's usually at someone's house. I'd happily never see a nightclub again tbh. Can't be bothered with loads of noisy people. I still drink though!!

Rainbowheart1 · 19/09/2021 21:16

He seems a bit off doesn’t he?

Is he trying to be rude! Or trying to make you feel like crap? Don’t know why he would do that really.

It’s just reality to not be out every weekend at 40- your a human, not a robot!

maffhew · 19/09/2021 22:31

@Penistoe it's when a man says something to make you feel inadequate or inferior.

Original poster
Toadmystery44 · 21/09/2021 19:24

I talked to him and it was his phrasing. He says he knows I have a social life. Says he would have quiet days if he didn’t have his kid

OP posts:
SoftplayTaintedLove · 21/09/2021 19:26

I think he's imagining what an amazing time he'd have if he wasn't home with his kids! Like we all imagine socialising would be as it was in our 20s. Smile

tttigress · 21/09/2021 19:29

I do hate it at work for example when someone says what are your plans for the weekend, and I feel I should be saying something more exciting than doing housework, and maybe a bit of time doing a hobby or a coffee with a friend.

Limejuiceandrum · 21/09/2021 19:32

I go out much more in the week. I’m single and in my 40s
Weekends are usually day activities

OuiOuiBonjour · 21/09/2021 19:33

I'm 37 and I stopped "clubbing" around aged 25. I was still partying regularly at friend's houses until I was 30ish. Prior to lockdown I'd go to the pub with friends one evening a week and a houseparty 5ish times a year.

In my 20s we used to find the 40 year olds in the clubs a bit sad and strange Blush.

musicalfrog · 21/09/2021 20:28

Why are people in their 40s not partying? Confused

TractorAndHeadphones · 21/09/2021 20:36

Hi OP don’t worry I’m in my late twenties but don’t socialise much
Have a busy work schedule, weekends are for doing nothing 😎

19lottie82 · 21/09/2021 20:39

I’m 39 and usually go out with my friends every other weekend!
Out for a late lunch then the pub and home for 10pm ish.

Oh and I’m married buy my husband works weekends and doesn’t drink, so he doesn’t mind :)

ShinyMe · 21/09/2021 20:41

I haven't done the 'out out' thing in years, well over a decade. Sometimes (well, pre covid anyway) I would go to the theatre with a friend on a Saturday, but usually we'd do a matinee and then go for dinner and be home by 10. Nowadays 9 weekends out of 10 I'm asleep on the sofa with a cushion pattern embossed on my face by about 9pm.

heymammy · 21/09/2021 20:44

In my experience, guys at any this stage of life will go on a night out at the drop of a hat whereas women need to be booked 5 weeks in advance and even then you won't get the full group available, some still won't be able to make it Hmm

Iseeyoulookingatme · 21/09/2021 20:46

I'm single and 38, I've not been anywhere in the evening for the past 5 months other than work. Partly because I have a child to look after, I also work evenings which doesn't help. But mostly because I just don't want to. I'm happy staying in for the time being and I see friends from time to time mostly for coffee during the day. Don't feel the need to do anything op unless you wanted to before he said anything.

hufffflufff · 21/09/2021 20:47

my friends of 40 who are single are very much stay at home types! they will be out a few times here and there but going out on the piss or pubbing is rare. gatherings tend to be less frequent, and social life more focussed on hobbies, daytime lunch / coffees, occasional get togethers, birthdays etc.

onelostsoulswimminginafishbowl · 21/09/2021 20:55

@musicalfrog

Why are people in their 40s not partying? Confused
I think sometimes it's down to culture. I have family in Greece and Spain and they party far later than their 40s! It's not unusual to see groups of friends out in bars until the early hours in their 50s and 60s but it is a very different style to partying in the UK that seems to be dominated by people in their teens and twenties binge drinking.
FanGirlX · 21/09/2021 21:06

I'm 40s. If I have a babysitter I will occasionally go for a meal or to the cinema, followed by a couple of drinks. No clubs though. More likely to go over to friends and have a few drinks in, or they will come to mine for drinks, chat, film, nibbles. I can't be arsed with crowds and public transport.

postingfortraffichere · 21/09/2021 21:09

@heymammy

In my experience, guys at any this stage of life will go on a night out at the drop of a hat whereas women need to be booked 5 weeks in advance and even then you won't get the full group available, some still won't be able to make it Hmm
😂 this is so true!
musicalfrog · 21/09/2021 21:13

@onelostsoulswimminginafishbowl that's it, I'm moving countries then 🤣

ShinyMe · 21/09/2021 21:23

@musicalfrog

Why are people in their 40s not partying? Confused
I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm bloody TIRED is the biggest reason.

That and I'm bored of loud, shouty, drunk people and not being able to hear a conversation, and of being around annoying people.