Unfair Child Maintenance?

[Munchkin08]

My ex-husband has had a windfall of £70.000, so has now decided to retire, he is 56. I have 1 child aged 11, the Child Maintenance Service has reduced his payments to £60 per month (£15 per week) as he only has a small taxable income pension. He has remarried and is in good financial position, he does not contribute any extra towards school uniform etc. Am I unreasonable to think this is unfair and that given a lot of people have children at a older age that the amount of money in savings they have should be considered? & retiring so young is just a loop hole or that it is just my responsibility to care for my child?

I think it's proof you were right to leave him, if he's not willing to contribute financially to his child's well-being then he's obviously a complete wanker! The system is flawed and he's an arsehole. I don't think there's much you can do

Yes definitely laughing at the 8dea of 'telling' ex he is doing any day to day care. How precisely is the op meant to make him? I do think it's true that those who aren't in this kind of situation can't imagine what it's like to have a formally willing and engaged parent just down tools because all of a sudden doing anything for the kids might mean helping the ex wife out of a tight spot and they can't possibly contemplate that. It's incredibly sad but v v common.

“Telling” your ex to do something

Ok so it came across wrong. Of course he’s unlikely to do it, and the chances are o/p wouldn’t him to anyway as it would probably mean him being rp if he’s doing school runs, and o/p would be the weekend parent.

It was meant more as “telling” him to make a point that he still has a dependent 11 year old, rather than actually expecting him to do it…

@HugeAckmansWife

Yes definitely laughing at the 8dea of 'telling' ex he is doing any day to day care. How precisely is the op meant to make him? I do think it's true that those who aren't in this kind of situation can't imagine what it's like to have a formally willing and engaged parent just down tools because all of a sudden doing anything for the kids might mean helping the ex wife out of a tight spot and they can't possibly contemplate that. It's incredibly sad but v v common.

yep my ex was the one who wanted kids, I didn't I wanted to further my career. fast forward a few years of me being a SAHM while he worked went pub and became an increasingly controlling arsehole resentful of having to pay for "parasites and burdens" i.e us, he left and when SS asked him to do parenting lessons he told them he didn't need to because he wasn't a parent.

lots of arseholes and nutters about unfortunately they dont wear tshirts stating their long term intentions, they just charm and lie until things arent going the way they want anymore.

Terrible for you OP!
I can't give you any good news; but promise that this will return to haunt him when your son grows up.
My ex and his new partner went to court to reduce maintenance; taking on loans to reduce their income and other spurious expenses. My ex had taken a new job 100 miles from home and presented ' bed and breakfast' bills as expenses; claiming that he couldn't drive because of his 'bad back'. Two family members of his later told me that he had quit the job after six months and was now working more locally.
They had a party to celebrate getting the maintenance reduced to £50 per month also.
This was many years ago and I survived. My ex doesn't have the love of his son though....
Stay strong!

@OFFREDOFFSTUART

I’m afraid you can’t “promise” anything

his partner has several flats they rent out and when partner retires has a good pension.

This is what he's living off. £70k does not provide anything of a retirement at 56. If he lives for another 20yrs, that's the princely sum of £3.5k a year.

They also have a villa in Spain

Yes, he's set up with someone who's got enough to cover his lack of working. And alas, you can't force him to work. If he was with you and not working, his level of contribution would be nothing as well.

It sucks, but if he's in a position not to work (what was his salary that you were receiving CMS on before?) then there's very little you can do about it. Try a variation.

@girlmom21

It's shit and he should have to pay more but he's not going to have much of an enjoyable retirement on £70k 🤷‍♀️

Being very cynical perhaps he thinks he only needs to not work for another 7 years in order to avoid child maintenance? It's nuts but he wouldn't be the first man to cut off his nose to spite his face by slashing his income massively solely to stop his ex 'getting his money'.

Saladovercrispsanyday you are so right 🤣

Nomoreusernames1244 he said he is moving to Spain next year so not much chance of that

TwinsandTrifle You are right in what you say. He used to pay me £340 per month

I think he is bitter because I stayed in the house and doesn't know how to get back at me, its a control thing. I will be fine and just cut back a bit and do some extra hours at work - I will make sure she does not miss out on anything - thank you for all your comments x

So that's (off the top of my head, CMS for one child at calculated as £340) a salary of £55-60k he's just quit. So, honestly, I wouldn't get het up over the £70k windfall. Because it's a bit of a red herring.

The issue here is that he's quit his £60k job to live off his new partner and now pays zero maintenance. She must be pretty minted in order that the several thousand he would have been earning a month are so insignificant that she's happy to cover the shortfall.

Was it £700k, not £70k? Disgusting that men can do this and don’t care their kids lose out. Of course luckily she has you, OP, and you will make sure she has everything she needs, and he knows that!