Please help me gain perspective- am I BU

[Verity38]

NC to post this.

I’m just really fed up right now but keep telling myself EVERYONE feels this way, I hate my job, my kids drive me crazy, I have no energy, my marriage consists of us being room mates rather than romantic partners. I have no energy to maintain friendships rather than the odd hello at school gate and odd lunch with a work colleague. I feel I’m doing crap at every part of my life. I feel I just wake up and get through the day, my mind is just foggy all the time.

My job at present is the worst area of my life. I hate it. I work in a school and I hate the environment - it’s not new, I’ve worked in schools for over 15 years but been here relatively new. Staff are rude, I’m a quiet and reserved person and feel they are really nasty and catty. I am part-time but constantly get emails from management for meeting requests and other training meeting that require me to come in on my days off. I’m a secondary teacher not primary so it’s not that the kids are missing out or anything that I must come in, I’m not required to come in as my timetable is only for days I work. But management keep trying to get me to work for free and keep sending me meeting requests on my days off.

I really hate working there. I love the kids and teaching aspect but the constant pointless meetings, paperwork, training sessions etc are too much. They keep telling me I need to do this and that but still pay me a teachers wage when I should be getting additional teaching responsibility points. I’m really friendly to everyone as in no matter what’s going on I go in with a smile on my face and be friendly but over past month alone I’ve been shouted at and screamed at by other people when I’ve just simply requested small things like pens and stationary for my students! I ended up buying my own in the end as can’t deal with it.

There’s no jobs for my subject area currently, I look everyday and there are none. I keep working there as I genuinely adore the students but I cannot continue. It will be hard finding a part time job for my subject. The school don’t like people that make a fuss so I know if I keep rejecting meeting and training requests on my days off they will start making things difficult for me do I end up resigning.

Not normal at all

I’m a single parent
Enjoy my job
Enjoy my children
Enjoy my exercise
Enjoy my friends
Enjoy my life

I suspect your job situation is what’s causing so much unhappiness in other areas for you

How old are you?

Foggy mind is sign of menupause

I’m in my 30’s. I just feel I cannot relax. On my days off I get panic attacks and I kind of feel better when I log into emails and there’s no emails but then when I go see an email I get anxiety and spend all day writhing up a good response that always begins with me telling them that X, Y is my non working day so that won’t be possible. I feel so much dread going in when I HAVEN’T checked my emails but then same dread when I have checked and found another bloody thing I need to get done.

*apologies for typos I’m on phone and feeding baby same time whilst running after toddler!

Sounds awful

Is you dh open to idea of you resigning before you’ve secured another job? Presumably you’d save extensively on child care

I think you need to see your GP and get signed off with stress. It sounds as if you have too much on your plate at the moment. Not all schools are pleasant places to work. My colleagues behaved like children - bullying in the staff room was rife. My son teaches in a Primary School and says that even in 5 years it has become much harder and much more stressful. They really can’t make you go in on a non-working day and I would advise speaking to your union rep or the union directly. When I went part-time , due to stress, my HT said ‘I don’t want you to be marking and planning on your days off’.

Take a tougher stance. Do not read your emails on your non-working day. Decline requests for meetings, training, anything on your non-working day. It's not beyond the wit of others to work around one day you're not in. They assume you are happy to do things on your day off if you accept the requests. You work part time for a reason. Remind them. No need to be rude or upset, just keep it factual.

My relationship with DH is strained at the moment and I feel I need my own income rather than rely on him.

Honestly I don’t even work just got money I actually love teaching. I just hate the management and their inability to even grasp how I can get all the sane things done as a full time teacher when I work less days. There is no difference in workload for example between myself and a teacher that works 5 days. We have sane number of lessons as my timetable is packed and they have at least a free everyday if not more. I have same deadlines when they have 2 extra days to get done. I actually do much more than a full time teacher for considerable less pay.

Same not *sane

@WeAreTheHeroes

Take a tougher stance. Do not read your emails on your non-working day. Decline requests for meetings, training, anything on your non-working day. It's not beyond the wit of others to work around one day you're not in. They assume you are happy to do things on your day off if you accept the requests. You work part time for a reason. Remind them. No need to be rude or upset, just keep it factual.

This. Stop being so accommodating.

There’s no union presence in the school. They managed to get rid of the teachers who became union reps. I know the school is toxic but I don’t know if next place will be any better for my mental health

I could have written your post 2 months ago. Every area of my life was lacking and I really hated my job. My best friend convinced me to resign and go and work with her (she has tried for 3 years). I finally oil her advise and I’m so happy now. It was the job! I no longer suffer with anxiety, tiredness, not get up and go etc.

I put this off for so long, making excuses as to why I couldn’t resign, I wish I’d done it when I was 6 months in and not 3 and a half years!!

I am in the process of leaving teaching - as of this half term I will no hopefully longer be working in a school. I have a job offer on the table, another very positive interview done, and the security of being registered with a supply agency if the worst happens.

Leave the job and the rest of your life will improve.

Could you put some kind of auto out of office on your email simply stating your working days and that you'll pick up your messages when next in?

You need to stop spending loads of time on days off thinking about school though.

You mentioned feeding the baby and a toddler.. you kids are quite small then - is this your first job after maternity?

You mention doing things that should come with responsibility points... how long have they been asking? I'd keep track of these tasks and which you have done - only do those on 'your days' and bring it up at your next review- make sure you have a review by Christmas...

Schools must be a tough gig currently. There seems to be so much extra going on.

So if you have a full time timetable then do they think you are full time? Can you state that as you have a full time teaching responsibility you need to be paid full time? Would it cause problems with the kids if you actually went full time and did these meetings - assuming they pay you full time of course?

I would definitely be approaching you line manager and saying - I'm paid to do 0.6fte but I have X hours timetabled the same as a full fte. So I either need to drop X hours from my timetable or née to be paid full time...

Thank you everyone. I’m actually sat here crying as I’m finally realising how unhappy I am with my life and my feeling are valid. My babies deserve a mother who is not this unhappy all the time.

I have no support, my DH is always minimising my feelings and saying how much holidays I get and they only asking me to come in occasionally. It’s really affecting me mentally that I have no support and just expected to put up with it. My mum always advises me to not make a fuss and just get things done.

Yes this is my first job after maternity. I have in past left out of office but it makes no difference.

I was a part time teacher once I had children. I don't think part-time teaching exists. Same number of children, same marking load, just less contact time to do it all. I spent an extraordinary amount of time outside of my contracted hours trying to do the job effectively. And the mental load left me anxious and exhausted. I also ended up in a school where I was forced to attend meetings/training on my days off and then called in to the head's office (to be told off like a child) when I wouldn't. I decided enough was enough and called it quits 3 years ago after 12 years in teaching. I wish I had done it years ago and my anxiety vanished overnight.

It sounds like you would be happier in another role. You probably feel like it won’t atm because you are so ground down.

It would also help a lot to place better boundaries around work. It sounds like you are struggling with that atm because of your unhappiness but the way you obsess over your inbox on your nwd is unsustainable.

People never realise that teachers work during the holidays, or that the holidays aren't paid.

It sounds like the job is the bit that needs sorting most urgently as it’s having such an impact even on the days you’re not in. Once you’ve got that sorted, you can consider what to do about the rest.

The next resignation deadline is 31 October to leave at Christmas so you have just over a month to decide what to do.

First off, check timetables and directed time calendar. You surely can’t be teaching as many lessons as a full time teacher? For example, if a full time teacher has 40 lessons per week and you’re earning 0.8fte then you’d have 32? Or are you earning more than 0.8fte and some of your PPA time is on your ‘days off’? Check your payslip for how much time you’re being paid for, look on SIMS for how many lessons a full time teacher teaches and check you’re teaching the ‘right’ number.

Then, check the directed time calendar. Ask your line manager to sit down with you and go through which sections of directed time you will attend and which you won’t. You should never be expected to attend something on your day off.

Once you’ve done that, decide if you want to take this any ‘higher’. Speak to your union (even if they don’t have a presence in school, there’s a helpline you can call). Take their advice. Book an appointment with your line manager (or their line manager) to go through your concerns.

Based on what you learn doing all of that, make a decision about whether to resign in October or not. If you do resign, sign up with supply agencies straight away (before you actually leave school so that you’re ready to start in January). You’ll hit ‘the market’ at peak flu season so will definitely pick up work - which will also give you an opportunity to check out local schools and decide if any might work for you longer term.

Sorry if I’m being bossy. I know how you’re feeling. I hit rock bottom at a horrible school a few years ago and it was only some tough talking from a colleague that got me out. I’m at a different school now and life is sooooo much better. Good luck

@Merlincat07 what was the union presence like in your school? I think mine is like that as there is no union reps working there. I was just speaking to a friend at my last school whose also part time and her experience is totally different from ours which is making me think it is my school.

She is not required to come in on days off and I remember when I was working there the union was very active and strong.

@AttaGirrrrl thank you so much. That’s really good advice, I will look into that.

No problem. I’m a big believer in ‘knowledge is power’ and knowing what deadlines you’re working to. Some schools are absolutely toxic and it’s important to keep a clear head when dealing with them! Feel free to PM me if you need a friendly push in the right direction or if your managers come back with waffle that you need a second opinion on x

They’re taking the piss asking you to come in on days off. You need to tell your head of subject very clearly that you’re feeling harassed and ask him/her to speak to management.

My place is similar, sadly it’s my immediate boss who a) cancelled me being off sick one day (I went mad and straight to the head) and b) sent me 6 texts and a Teams invitation on Friday when I had d&v. I was in no fit state to sit in on a meeting!

I understand that certain training is essential but I’m sick of being asked to do the same one repeatedly and attend constant meetings which generate unnecessary work. I totally sympathise, OP. I love teaching and my students but omg, the extraneous shite is so stressful and pointless.