AIBU

[Yankee63]

Partner & I together 20 yrs living together 18yrs
I out deposit down from equity from my previous house 80k
He got mortgage for his part, but BOTH names on mortgage . Mortgage is tenants in common
My 80k is protected, albeit learning my solicitor chose the wrong wording at the time!

This as been a massive argument with us in past & more recently!
Him saying, this should not be there anymore,
I get this 100% , after 18 yrs.
But my reason being it’s still there is
He cheated 5 yrs ago

In order to NOT let this be a big hindrance/sore point any longer and to put it behind us

Do I get rid of protection 80k ? and things get better between us financially?
Or what ??

I

Exactly why does it matter, it’s in the event off
As I’ve said all along

He as NO children, if anything it’s to buy a property as before as I said he rented.
Though my own stupid fault I suppose I’ve always said “ if you rent, you’ll never feel safe/settled
Because owner may want to sell.
So at aged 67, he wants to be safe/settled

I would refuse to discuss it anymore and sort it out with his solicitor to claim against the original one if he didn't understand the agreement.

Shut him down every time.

He isn't going to end it because he will be left in a worse financial position than you.

It's really sad he expects you to forgive him for an affair 5 years ago yet refuses to accept he made a choice over the house over 20 years ago and now regrets it.

@RandomMess

At the end of the day you sacrificed a mortgage free home I order to let him gain an asset and he sacrificed nothing.

I too would be very concerned he's waiting to pull the plug otherwise why does it matter? He wants a bigger share for his DC to inherit/pay for his care?

This is worth repeating and may have been a factor in writing the original agreement.

Arguably, you risked more in purchasing a joint property than he did and therefore should be rewarded accordingly. It is common in investment terms to expect more reward when you take more risk.

In your case, the risk of stumping up a deposit which you may later lose due to the vagaries of the property market, inability to pay mortgage etc is greater than working to pay off a monthly mortgage, the amount of which is within a few hundred pounds of rent.

Whilst I do understand the viewpoint of those posters saying that the agreement seems unfair towards your DP, risk needs to be factored in which might not make it fair but at least makes it slightly less unfair. And the there is the fact that he signed a legal agreement to that effect without coercion. And he has still made a profit from that agreement. It is just that now, he wants to make more profit.

sounds like you should think about whether you want the relationship to continue or not, regardless of the financial position.
don't stay tied in a relationship you're not happy in because of who put in what deposit 18 years ago.
If you decide you want to walk away, maximise your financial position - if you stay together, maybe be a bit more magnanimous.

@AcrossthePond55

Maybe you should mention to him the interest you've LOST because you didn't invest your £80K and just take out the mortgage with him.

I wouldn't change a damn thing. He's a cheat therefore he cannot be trusted. And he's pressuring you to make a decision that is disadvantageous to you and very advantageous to him. No fucking way.

She hasn't lost interest. The money was previously invested in a house allowing her to live somewhere. It Was reinvested in a house, allowing her to live somewhere. Where was she meant to live if she kept that money in cash in a bank?

Also, the 80k has grown with property price increases, thus increasing in value much more than it would while sitting in a bank earning a tiny amount of interest due.......

@Aquamarine1029

I think your partner is shady as fuck. I wouldn't trust him any further than I could throw him. Protect your money/assets at all costs.

This OP.

Wouldn't change a thing.

Pay the remaining 7k off yourself then see what he wants to do (assuming you have some savings). It’s not worth 18 months of anguish. If you’ve each paid in 80k then the house value should be split 50/50.

If you’ve both paid in £80k of capital, then surely you both own 50% of the house (ie if he paid the mortgage himself)?

If you were paying half of the mortgage (ie your £80k deposit then £40k if the £80k mortgage) then you own 75% of the house, surely - you paid £120k if the capital and he paid £40k if the capital.

What’s the value of the house now?

I'd say there was a reason he wants to be able to get his hands on some of that £80k and I wouldn't let him near it with a barge pole.

@SarahBellam

I'd say there was a reason he wants to be able to get his hands on some of that £80k and I wouldn't let him near it with a barge pole.

What is it people don’t understand on this thread.

They have both contributed £80k, OP had hers in cash, the partner took out a mortgage, but it was still split equally between them. Yet OP wants to keep her £80k plus half of the rest, he wants a 50:50 split representing their equal contributions.

Other than he was a bit dumb to agree to set it up this way in the first place, OP is being immoral to take advantage in this way … even if he did cheat, this is not excuse to rip somebody off financially to this massive extent.

Yet OP wants to keep her £80k plus half of the rest

I don't think she does ...
iirc she simply prefers to wait out the 18 months remaining on the mortgage, at which point her ringfence is removed, & the value of the house is split 50/50.