AIBU

[Yankee63]

Partner & I together 20 yrs living together 18yrs
I out deposit down from equity from my previous house 80k
He got mortgage for his part, but BOTH names on mortgage . Mortgage is tenants in common
My 80k is protected, albeit learning my solicitor chose the wrong wording at the time!

This as been a massive argument with us in past & more recently!
Him saying, this should not be there anymore,
I get this 100% , after 18 yrs.
But my reason being it’s still there is
He cheated 5 yrs ago

In order to NOT let this be a big hindrance/sore point any longer and to put it behind us

Do I get rid of protection 80k ? and things get better between us financially?
Or what ??

I

You agree to get a legal document now that says when the mortgage is paid off it changes to 50:50 ownership. Would he be happy with that? You could probably get the deeds amended to do that?

I think that your 80k protected should have been reduced in line with the mortgage which would mean that when he's paid the last 7k it would be down to straight 50/50.

As it stands it seems to be what you are saying is that if you split today you would get your 80k that's protected AND 50% of the rest? If I've understood that right then yes, that's extremely unfair.

If he hadn't cheated I'd say yes it should be in line and a fair split but bugger that I couldn't trust him if he'd cheated and I'd be suspicious to be honest that he keeps bringing it up, it would make me question if he only stayed to avoid this loss of money.
It would also make a difference if you have children and if he left where that would leave you financially etc

I mentioned this morning we have to talk when he came back, it’s always me that as to bring things up. He would just carry on as normal, where as I like to know where I stand and get things aired and sorted.
He’s been home 4 hrs now, nit said a thing !
Its got to the point now I hate saying we need to talk. It makes me nervous for some reason. Because he never sorts things would rather push under carpet, then I’m left wondering where do we stand. He wants a quite life, but so do I . But I can’t let things just slide by am 63, I don’t wanna be if that’s the case ? Splitting up at age 70
I need to put it to rest for good ??

I’d have to ask the question if the 7k was paid off

That could be a solution getting another legal document

That is correct the way the legal document is written, if split up 80k + 50% off house.

Because of all the arguments in last few years and going round in circles about this document, things have been said in the heat of the moment on both sides so trust as now become a thing also again

I am a bit peed off how it’s turned out because previously I had a 3 bed semi with 2 years to go on mortgage before I met him
He had nothing(rented)
We now live in detached house in area as my last house. So I lived in this area 40 yrs, If we split at this present time I can’t even afford a terrace or flat !

No children with him , only my son 31
But that’s not the problem fortunately

Even once he has paid off the mortgage you have actually paid more due to inflation.

Even once he has paid off the mortgage you have actually paid more due to inflation. ??

I’m I missing something

If you are not splitting up then it's a non issue.

If you are splitting up then protect your assets.

Is he likely to want to split once the house is paid off? Is that his agenda?

No idea Nanna, probably wouldn’t tell me if I asked . who would that person would go mad if that was the case

Do you mean the house deeds are in both names? Or are you actually on the mortgage? The mortgage is a loan that is typically used to but a property, it is not the same thing as house ownership and does not always reflect house ownership.

I think that the cheating is clouding matters. But frankly, I would be very angry with you if I were him as sounds like you are screwing him over financially big time. It sounds like you have, or soon will, have made equal contributions to the purchase of the property but your “share” is going to be £80k higher than his. Cheating is horrible of course but I don’t think it entitles you to take £40k off him.

How much did he actually have to take a mortgage for? If he only needed say £50k then you should own proportionally based on your £80k to his £50k. The interest is irrelevant

Do not give up you £80k assuming the house value has increased significantly you are entitled to 50% of the remaining value.

OP, I have to agree with your husband.

If I understand correctly: House cost 160k. You put yours in in cash. He got 80k mortgage. You have not paid towards the mortgage. He has paid mortgage entirely.

Then it isn't fair that if you split, you would get 80k plus half the remaining value of the house. Let's imagine house has increased in value to 300k over 18 years. That would mean you get 190k and he gets 110k..... Why should you get more ? You both contributed 80k, just financed it differently.

If you split now, then I can see it being fair that you have 7k ring fenced, because he has only contributed 73k capital into the house (the interest payments are his problem as he had to do the loan, not you).

So I agree the document is unfair.... you are both responsible for signing an unfair document.

And I don't see the logic of accepting you should cancel the document when the mortgage is paid off, but not adjusting it to a lower ring fence amount now.

This is parking any issues like if you stopped work (and therefore didn't contribute to mortgage to care for children) etc...

House deeds & mortgage are in both names. He wouldn’t of got mortgage alone back then he wasn’t earning enough.

I have /had NO intention off screwing him over.
At the time I didn’t know it was going to last
Ie it may of only lasted 3 years, so if I hadn’t off had protected my 80k he would off got half of what house was worth.
I didn’t do what any other intelligent person would of done surely?? All off this was
“in the event off” it wasn’t brought to life again until he cheated and we both went to see solicitors. Where his said it had been worded wrongly!!
I was very cautious at this time, wanted to wait until he’d paid his half which was also 80k mortgaged over 20 yrs= 18 mths left 7k

I know if anything happened by what is written at this moment in time I would get my 80k + half off equity
But
I don’t want that, I want him to stop going on about how I screwed him over getting that written
I didn’t word the protection letter solicitor did
but he says WE conned him, he read it and signed it .?I didn’t force him, in fact when he realised he was paying the mortgage himself I offered to pay half but then said that would mean I would end up eventually owning 75%. So he said NO to me paying half off mortgage.

He is absolutely just using this as a stick to beat you with. I really think he is trying to deflect that it's his behaviour of cheating that risked the relationship.

You can iterate - once you have paid in as much as me £80k each I am very happy to change ownership to 50:50.

You could remind him that he wouldn't even be getting that without you because he needed your name and earnings for the mortgage and your deposit to get a better deal.

If he can carries on then I'd seriously think about pulling the plug on the relationship. He has far more to lose at this point than you - that £80k

OP, I am not suggesting you had the intention of screwing him and it was absolutely right to ringfence your investment at the start.

However, the document is at this point unfair for him. You yourself say:

I know if anything happened by what is written at this moment in time I would get my 80k + half off equity
But
I don’t want that,

So why wouldn't you adjust the document or tell him at least informally that you would divide the capital in a fair way if you broke up?

Him cheating/ possibly being a scumbag in different ways is a totally different issue... but I do agree with him that this document is not fair on a financial level.

I think he needs clarity on his position. I understand why he thinks this is unfair.

The house should be split 50/50 as you have both contributed 50% of the cost of it.
His 50% should be less 7k to repay the outstanding mortgage.
Your 80k should not be ringfenced.

Is your deal 80k + 50% of the equity or 50% of the house?
His deal should be 80k + 50% equity less any outstanding mortgage.

If you have no intention of screwing him over and this is something that's causing considerable rows in your home why wouldn't you change it now?

As it stands you have now only paid 7k more than him so have that amount ring fenced until the end of the mortgage. That's fair.

Maybe you should mention to him the interest you've LOST because you didn't invest your £80K and just take out the mortgage with him.

I wouldn't change a damn thing. He's a cheat therefore he cannot be trusted. And he's pressuring you to make a decision that is disadvantageous to you and very advantageous to him. No fucking way.

Maybe you should mention to him the interest you've LOST because you didn't invest your £80K and just take out the mortgage with him. Well it won't be much given that the interest rates have been spectacularly low for so,e time now.

I wouldn't change a damn thing. He's a cheat therefore he cannot be trusted. And he's pressuring you to make a decision that is disadvantageous to you and very advantageous to him. No fucking way.

As long as the 7k is still protected there is no advantage to either of them? Just a fair 50/50 split.

First, under no circumstances should you agree to anything without speaking to a solicitor and, possibly, an accountant or financial advisor,

Now, I am using ball park figures here based on your post.

You put down a deposit of 80k (and lost out on any interest that would have gained if it had been in a bank/other investment) and he is paying off a mortgage of 80k (plus interest because he didn’t have 80k at the time.

Is that right?

Let’s say the house is now worth 300k.

With ring fencing, you get 80k plus 110k (total 190k) and he gets 110k.
Without ring fencing, you each get 150k. What you lose, he gains.

Actually, OP ignore the above. I’ve reread your post and think it is irrelevant.

Your DP is using this as a stick to beat you with. But he signed the agreement, right? In fact, I assume you both did. I also assume you both jointly instructed the solicitor. Therefore it wasn’t a case of you and the solicitor conning him. In fact, if he really thinks that, he (or possibly both of you) need to report the solicitor and seek damages. Im curious as to what his response would be if you said that to him.

He knew what he was getting into because he purposely refused your offer to help pay off the mortgage. He is trying to renege on the contract. I wouldn’t let him. If you stay together, it makes no difference. If you split up, you have just given him a boat load of money.

Given that he is instigating fights over this, I think your long term further is in doubt and would suggest you hang on to as much money as is legally yours as possible because you might need it sooner than you think.

His argument is
After affair we both went to solicitors, his pointed out to him that the said deed was written wrong
Ie no set date or regardless of how much he had paid off his mortgage!

As that now is 7k

My now fear is
Is he just waiting the 18mth out and then when I say ok “ you have now paid 50/50 “
he pull the plug “ it’s over “
££££ I’ve made 150k from her

I’m I bitter/selfish off thinking this ??

If the trust has gone (clearly has) then pull the plug now.

After affair we both went to solicitors, his pointed out to him that the said deed was written wrong

It isn’t ‘wrong’. It was what was you both legally agreed to when you bought the property.

It may not seem fair to him now but there are conditions under which it would be fair. Some of which, or none of which, may apply to your relationship. For example, if the property is consider an asset of the relationship, you may have contributed to the relationship in other ways, such as the majority of housework, maintenance, housekeeping, cooking, caring responsibilities, wife work for his family, support for him in his work, paying for holidays and other treats, buying the food, paying council tax and utilities, an extension etc. Perhaps you even agreed to this ring fencing because you knew you would be contributing to the property in other, non financial ways.

But at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that there was a legal agreement that only comes into force if you split up. If he wants to challenge that agreement because he alleges that you and the solicitor conned him, then his first step is to contact another solicitor to find out how to challenge the agreement. To do that, he needs to prove that he was badly advised and the solicitor was therefore negligent or that the solicitor disregarded instructions. Solicitors do keep records so if that happened, then he does stand a chance of proving it. If not, then he is stuck with the agreement he signed.

I find it interesting that he had legal advice from an independent solicitor when you were considering separating and he has since been badgering you to agree to a change rather than alleging malpractice on the part of the solicitor. It suggests that he already knows he would be in a hiding to nothing.

At the end of the day you sacrificed a mortgage free home I order to let him gain an asset and he sacrificed nothing.

I too would be very concerned he's waiting to pull the plug otherwise why does it matter? He wants a bigger share for his DC to inherit/pay for his care?